To distance myself from this friend?

I had a very irritating friend like this about ten years ago
I met her through my neighbour. But I recognised her as someone I knew through school mates. She had just had a baby same age my 2nd baby and so we connected again.
I regretted that. Luckily it was shortlived.
But every day, she would invite herself to mine, without fail, she would invite herself round for dinner, for a drink, to pop by, without even asking. Just asking what am I upto and I would say I'm sorting the kids/cleaning/running errands, she would always pop round. She would always ask for money as well. Anytime we went out, she would ask for money, every single time.it would drive me nuts. She would ask for petrol after inviting me somewhere. She would leave me in her hot car with our two babies whilst she went to use the sun beds for an hour or to get a tattoo without paying for a parking ticket so then I would have to deal with parking inspectors. It was awful. She was also drinking alcohol before driving i told her not to. Told her please don't leave us in the car for long. She would lie shes just popping into a shop. It was honestly so bad she would even charge me petrol for taking us 5 minutes drive to tesco for us both to do shopping.
She would also shoplift a lot, and my husband advised me to stay well clear. I did and then she kept messaging me telling me she was going to call the police because it was obvious I was being controlled and she caused a lot of problems between me and my neighbours. I cut her off and never say any money back. I had a little nosey poke on Facebook to see shes had hideous lip fillers, to the point of where it looks like she has two glossy pink donuts hanging out of her mouth, a boob job that is so high its touching her chin and smothered in tattoos head to toe. I was like good grief.

Your friend is very bizzare and asking you to leave her in piece while she reads a magazine to me is so rude! I'd cut this one out!.

excellent response.

Honestly just say "sorry Hun I'm out" responses if she asks to come round or if she turns up unannounced say I'm actually about to take DD out/I've got an appointment/ I'm going food shopping.... She'll get the message eventually. Her saying leave her alone in your house is weird but I bet she's done that because her dd is quiet and looked after and she wants 5mins peace 🤣 very bizarre though really! Xx

Hi friend A
Yes, we had a good lunch thanks. It wasn’t for me to do the inviting and, thinking about it, I didn’t like it when you put me on the spot and argued that I should call B and impose on her to get an invitation for you too.

Actually, although I’ve been genuinely happily to host you before even with no notice, I have to tell you that your behaviour yesterday when you requested me to leave you alone to relax with my magazines and the coffee I served to you in my lounge, while I supervised the children, was really quite rude..

or/and

Dear friend A
I’m really busy at the moment so best I let you know when it’s convenient for you to call.

I'd reply and say lunch another time sounds great. Tomorrow doesn't work unfortunately as you have plans already.

I saw someone on here years ago say answer the door in your coat and say you are just on your way out. That might be another tactic to use if she turns up unannounced.

hmmmmm... to go to someones house for a coffee and then ask them to leave you alone is very very strange. If this is out of her normal behaviour I would reply... "You didn't want my company earlier at my house, is everything OK?" at least that starts a conversation.

@GreenHome BRAVA! arrasou!

absolutely nailed it with that message.

.. she sounds insane : S who goes to someone house without an invitation and then asks to be left alone so they can read magazines 😂

Don’t do number 2 !
your children are friends and could be at the same schools/clubs till they’re 18 if you all live in the same area. That could cause all sorts of levels of awkward at every event for al ong time.

just distance yourself. Don’t always be available. But you could be sometimes. You need to be “just popping out” to the supermarket/dentist/doctors more if she messages.

or … you need to encourage her to find childcare and a job! Is her DD going to nursery/school in September? Or not school till sept 25?
just don’t end up with the childcare!

I’d tell her outright, and that it seems very much like she just wants a playmate for her daughter.
extremely rude for her to ask you to leave her alone in your house! How baffling.
Maybe be honest ‘I didn’t invite you to friend Bs because I was taken aback by the rudness at my house of you coming in and then asking me to leave you alone as if I’m my house is some sort of coffee shop.’

im one for honesty but sometimes it does lose friends but this one isn’t worth keeping anyway

She Sounds exhausting! So she can’t be alone but wants to be left alone when at yours?! Think she’s using you for childcare.
are friend A and friend B friends with eachother? I can see A would be put out slightly about not being included but with her behaviour I don’t either you or B for not including her!
definitely distance yourself.

May be a bit late to this party, but maybe she doesn't realise what she's doing? The ignore approach is the easiest way out, especially to avoid confrontation, but what about explaining it to her? "Dear A, the other day when you asked to be left alone to read a magazine, I felt like you dropped in to use me as free child care. That's not ok. In the future you should ask well ahead if you want to visit. People find this way of behaviour intrusive and you will find yourself losing friends over this. All this said with the best intentions" Or something like that. Ignore all you want after that, but it's a decent thing to do to a friend.

Great job at resetting your boundaries. Stand firm mama; you’ve got this.

She seems very draining and to lack social boundaries. I’d find it very difficult. It’s hard but you need to start saying No.

What's with all the PA suggestions? Just be honest with her that you found her rude. What have you got to lose - you might be doing her a favour.

I am easy going and put up with a lot but this is beyond bonkers

Good compromise with your message as you can always leave a public space at your convenience whilst still being kind

Keep firm boundaries from now on
Or fake going back to work !

@GreenHome

So I received a text from friend A saying that she hoped we had a good lunch and hope to be included next time.
She also said she might pop at mine again tomorrow, same time.

If she wants a girls' lunch perhaps she should arrange one, at her house. It's not up to you or friend B to include her on arrangements you and A have made.

Also perhaps don't be so available each time - especially when she sends you out of your own living room so she can read your magazine and invite herself to lunch! There's no need to tell her your plans - the MN phrase "that doesn't work for me" is very useful. Just don't go into details when they, inevitably, press for more info. It's none of their business.

This way of behaving will lose her friends. 🌹

You needed to send that message to her. She might not liking seeing this but her behaviour led to this. She just expects you to be available and mind her child when she calls over.
As your children got older she would be expecting to bring or pick up your child from school and mind them. She never return this favour either.
I have friends who had other parents with children like this. One lady decided she only offered lifts if other parents did the same for her. Another lady stored a phone number so she could avoid calls from the couple who wanted their child collected from school and then never collected them till 7.00- 7.30 in the evening.

Great reply.

Great reply OP

Text her back 'No to tomorrow. I will text you when I'm next available for visitors'

You rock op.

Damn, well done OP!

'I want to be alone in my house tomorrow, maybe another time '