To distance myself from this friend?

Wrong thread! 🤣

It's odd behaviour. I'd ask her it everything's OK at home. If she's normally decent I'd be worried. If she's always playing games then yes I'd not want to see her.

I also wonder if maybe it isn't HER who constantly wants company, but her child. I have an absolute 110% extrovert daughter, it's amazing seeing her light up & connect with so many different people but far out, it's exhausting when it's just her and me at home, and I have to be the other half of every conversation, the playmate in every game, the audience for every performance...
Not that A's behaviour would be any less rude but at least it would make more sense if she seeks out company for her kid, and then just has no social batteries left for adult conversation.

Hi, I went through PPD and I didn't recover for years. I was that person who needed to pop around and have company as i didn't have support from family and my husband was not coping with my mental health. I never told a friend to leave me alone when I was at their house but sometimes I felt like I just wanted to be somewhere safe where my child (who always cried at home but was happy out) could play and I could have a moment to check my phone etc.

I had friends drop me and I didn't know if I had done something to offend them or they simply got busy and offers to catch up got denied or ignored until I stopped trying. It really hurt and I had to grieve these friends while not knowing and also seeing them around or having playdates with others and not understanding why it didn't work with me.

I would have appreciated some genuine boundaries and conditions so I knew what I was doing that was wrong and I could adapt my behaviour. These friends were so important to me and I still miss them now that our kids are 8. I would have definitely respected someone caring enough about me and our friendship to give me a chance to fix it. It would have also made me feel safe to know what was okay and what wasn't rather than being anxious and second guessing when my messages were ignored or she was always busy.

I hope you do meet up at the park and it isn't a fake offer. Do you want to go to her house for a playdate next time? Out for coffee after a baby group you are both at? It's okay to give a defined time in which you are available. Maybe you could tell her she could drop off her child for a playdate if she wants alone time? She may not know this and was desperate but went about it wrongly.

The lunch thing was awkward but she must have felt left out if you are all friends. You not wanting to ask if she could also come is a clear indication (to me and probably her) that you didn't want her to join. Why would she ask the host directly if she felt that you didn't want to include her? It seemed perhaps a guilt trip but maybe just clear communication that she hoped to be invited next time.

I'm sorry that she's put you off of her company and it sounds like this may be a culmination of a bunch of things that you don't like about the friendship. Letting her know what's going on and how you'd like the dynamic to change is a gift to her. You don't have to give it. It shows that you care about her, that you have prepared it. It's something she can accept or not. Like or not. But it's a gift nonetheless.

Good luck. I hope by the time your littles are 8 you can look back and she'll appreciate what you did and laugh about how awkward she was in her difficult time.

Any reply op?

You say she's an extrovert but yet wanted to be left alone to her own company when at yours - is how she usually behaves? I honestly would just start distancing yourself, as others have said gives the vibes that she just wants childcare and not actual company for her

Exactly this. 😂😂😂

Tbh, if they just turned up I'd probably close the curtains and pretend we're not in.. Or talk to them through the ring..

Wow, this makes me thankful I'm an introvert 😂🙏❤️

Dismissing you from your own lounge.. Cheeky so and so.

YANBU, I would politely decline next time and just say you're busy. After a few declines, she will select her next victim.

Ps congratulations to your friend!

Sounds like she has a personality disorder; this is not normal behaviour. I've been there with a family member who kept doing odd and unreasonable things to test me. In the end I confronted her and told her I'd had enough of it. IMO her behaviour will only get worse if you let her get away with it...

This is an advert to go back to work if ever I saw one.

I cannot believe how many grown ups on here have to put a coat on and pretend to leave their own home instead of just refusing a visitor?! It’s your home, you have the right to say not today, especially to Satan 😂 but seriously how has this become a thing?!

This is perfect, it’s straight to the point and I don’t know why anyone is suggesting faffing about wirh stupid shit or ignoring her because she doesn’t sound like she’d get the message or rather she would and doesn’t care.

In the OPS house? Seriously?! 😳

Dear A, I am not a public library service or cafe. Please find alternative publicly available services to occupy your time with. Best Regards C

Sigh. I can’t imagine the level of CF’ery to do that at a friends house.

Say "I think it's my turn to come to yours actually. If you can make me a drink and provide some good mags I'm happy for you to leave me alone on your sofa while you supervise my child for a while."

I would send her a message letting her know that you don’t want to play her games. That dropping in unannounced is one thing, but demanding to be left alone in your home while you feed her and her kid and entertain her kid is disgusting behaviour. You are not her staff member. You are also not going to be manipulated into including her on social visits. Perhaps she needs to make herself more likeable if she wants to be included in the future.

After a few minutes she asks if I can just ‘leave her alone so she can read the magazine she selected please?’

That is so incredibly rude that it's astounding. i would have asked her and her child to leave at that exact moment. Cheeky bitch. She's not your friend. In the bin with her!

Good for you OP, hopefully she's got the message

I think it’s some sort of unwritten Mumsnet rule. 😂

Never mind distancing yourself. Completely cut her off

This! Rude behaviour.

'Sorry, that doesn't work for me. I have magazines to read.'

Nutter! You have been warned and well done on stepping back.

Your reply was neither here nor there really. Don’t expect it to be resolved. If she’s oblivious to her rudeness, which it sounds like she might be, then it’s best to spell it out. “Sorry A, but you were so rude this morning that it’s a no. If you needed me to watch your dd for an hour so you could get some time to yourself then you should have asked, so I could have decided to or not. But you turned up with very little notice, I made you a drink and you told me to go away, IN MY OWN HOUSE. That’s not on, so no, please don’t ask to come over anymore.”

If you don’t like her turning up unannounced you can ask for warning. If she persists either ignore or be busy or say no. That seems like a different styles thing, it’s not inherently bad to visit without notice. If you haven’t told her you dislike it then how is she supposed to know?

It’s a bit unusual if you’re not good friends but also not inherently bad to want to be in company but not talking. However the way she spoke to you sounds very rude, especially in your own home when she’s invited herself in. If you think she’s sensible then tell her it upset you. If she doesn’t apologise then the friendship is probably not worth further effort. If you cba with even having the conversation that suggests you simply don’t like her that much, which is perfectly allowed.

If I was in her position when you got invited for lunch I’d also feel weird about asking friend b myself to be included, I’d definitely see that as something you should ask. I’ve often been in this situation, on all three sides, that’s always been the way it’s handled in my experience. So I find your refusal to ask your friend b if friend a can also come a bit odd, and maybe indicative that you really didn’t want friend a included. It doesn’t sound to me like friend a was rude here or difficult just had a different social norm for that situation than you do.