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AIBU?

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Original poster

To uninvite children from our wedding

41 replies

TigerJoy · 11/04/2024 17:47

We're having a slightly last-minute wedding so we're married before our baby is born. We're trying to get things done quickly and are inviting people by email.

I have a big family, partner has no surviving family. We've got the church booked and chosen a nice restaurant over the road for a lunch after. We've booked the only private room they have which seats 50 max.

Unbelievably we've hit that really quickly. We did our list and counted it, and at first said no kids - then my partner changed his mind as some friends will be travelling. However we didn't think of the impact that would have on the numbers.

As it is we're at 50 now, of which 8 are children of our guests (i.e. not family - I want my niblings there).

Would it be unspeakably rude to get back to the 3 or 4 guests coming with children and ask them if they could leave the children at home? I'm conscious most kids don't enjoy weddings that much and this will be a boring one for kids - service and lunch and that's it.

YABU - the kids are invited, you can't back out now
YANBU - people will understand it's a small wedding and won't mind finding baby sitters

OP posts:
Illpickthatup · 11/04/2024 17:57

You can't uninvite people.

When is the wedding? Has everyone RSVPd? We booked ours with 6 months notice and about 50% declined. We had people drop out the week of the wedding and a handful just didn't show up on the day. Of it's only 8 extra Id just invite them. Chances are people we'll cancel or no show on the day.

Ponderingwindow · 11/04/2024 17:57

I would expect people to cancel if you change the parameters of the invitation. Finding a babysitter is not always easy, especially if travel is involved.

if your guests have already incurred expenses to book travel to attend the wedding, it would be very rude to make a change at this point.

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/04/2024 17:56

Parents who’ve had their kids uninvited won’t graciously attend as guests because you changed your mind

InTheRainOnATrain · 11/04/2024 17:56

You can’t univite them! It would have been fine not to invite them at all but you can’t mess people around like that. How big is the restaurant? Could you do a private hire of the whole thing?

Mrsttcno1 · 11/04/2024 17:56

YABU because you’ve already invited them. If you’d decided no kids from the outset fair enough, but you can’t uninvite now.

Also agree with PP, you don’t get more of the guest allocation because you have a bigger family, so if numbers are tight then it’s you who needs to make cuts to enable your partner to have his friends there as he does not have family to invite.

Thecastle1 · 11/04/2024 17:55

I can't imagine many people would be very happy tbh, expect them not to show up if you un-invite the kids.

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/04/2024 17:54

Plus I actually think kids are great at weddings, they lift the mood
Children Aren’t luggage you Don’t just pap them off with babysitters. Some kids have never had a babysitter, or parents don’t want it etc
You need to stick to the original invite or likely parents with kids decline your invite because they feel mucked about

Greyat · 11/04/2024 17:54

I think if the parents are travelling for the wedding you have to expect they won't come.

Personally I think you and DP should have an equal guest allocation, you don't automatically get more because you have more family. When you don't have family you build those ties elsewhere.

BurbageBrook · 11/04/2024 17:53

I'd change reception venue. Maybe village hall with caterers in?

Daniki · 11/04/2024 17:53

YABVU. You should have counted first and not had them in from the beginning as people would understand.
Does 8 children really make much of a difference ?

Corinthiana · 11/04/2024 17:52

You really can't uninvite people. Unfortunately, you've messed up a bit - I suppose you could contact them and explain?

mightydolphin · 11/04/2024 17:52

I wouldn't, for the fallout it would potentially cause. If you really must then do it asap and accept that some people may not attend.

catonmyback · 11/04/2024 17:52

I get you are in a hurry but wouldn't it be logical to make a list

Count. Add/deduct as necessary

Then email the invitation

I would wait and see who RSVPs before ypu invite anyone else

Otherwise, change venue

LittleOwl153 · 11/04/2024 17:51

I think if you've invited already its difficult. Could you arrange a babysitter for the group of kids?

Zone2NorthLondon · 11/04/2024 17:51

YABU and a bit flaky to not have correctly counted the numbers, if you drop this decision now the parents will likely decline to attend. But hey that’ll free up space
The adult friends can come for a drink another time.

Original poster
TigerJoy · 11/04/2024 17:48

I forgot to say - the reason for this would be to invite more of my partner's friends.

OP posts: