Genuinely kind, friendly and polite teen boys

Please could the mums of nice 15 year old boys send them my dds way? She, and all her friends, are finding boys of this age complete horrors. All seem to consider the girls are objects, presumably due ti the easy access of porn, and all spend 100% of their energy trying ti get the girls to send them naked photos. I am having a really hard time at the moment trying to convince her that some males are nice and it's just a stage.

Mmm, there are lots of great parents doing everything right, who don’t get these lovely lads as teenagers. I wish good parenting was the silver bullet, but I have to say I think genetics/personality play a massive part.

Two sons who couldn’t be more different here ~ parented consistently in the same way. One was/is a natural conformist and the other a natural rebel. Breezed through from day one with one son; the other turned my hair grey. Even as a baby he was so different.

They were both loving and have turned into wonderful men ~ but still as different as night and day shown through their career choices and their choices of wives.

I always think as a parent you can only work with the material you’re given.

I have 2 ds twins just turned 17yrs. Friends/ teachers say that they are great lads and seem to be happy, polite and lots of friends. We've always had steady guidelines in house which theve generally stuck to, like chores, curtailment on screentime and phones, bedtime, and homework. We have 2 older girls and when they are home, our boys love to sit and have long chats together. As they are older now, they have some more freedom, but we still expect them to be polite, truthful and respectful of us and others.

Mine. Seventeen. Home educated and not a bad bone in him. Kind, respectful but no doormat.

I think polite, well behaved boys are the norm rather than the exception? It’s just on MN where there seems to be quite a bit of negativity about teenagers in general and boys in particular. I’ve seen threads about teen boys taking drugs, verbally abusing their parents, refusing to go to school and disrespecting everyone. I do not know any boys who behave this way (and I know quite a few as many of my friends had kids when they were in their 20s and now have teenaged boys).

I’ve got two lovely teens. Although one is actually 20 now. DS2 fits the mould of always being lovely (apart from as a toddler), but DS1 whilst a lovely toddler, had a patch of being an arsehole as a teenager at home. Been he has always been the kind of kid you could take anywhere- will make polite, interested conversation with other people’s grandparents etc.

To be honest, from their earliest days I got compliments on their manners, and told they were a delight etc after play dates. It was me on my own with them for a long while, but O was always firm and simultaneously silly. I listened to them, and spent literally hours and hours talking things through with DS1 when he was in his shitty teenage phase. Like others, we’ve always been a family who eats together, and I’ve always tried to make my home welcoming for their friends too. They still enjoy spending time with us (DH now too), and love a family holiday.

I know quite a few other teens who are lovely young men - all have engaged, thoughtful parents, but vary quite a lot in terms of how strict etc. I can’t actually think of any teens we know who aren’t?!

I credit my old cat for helping raise my boys!

OP, are your pre-teens generally kind, nice to be with? Honestly if they are I don't think you need to fret too much.

I now have DS1 (22) and DS2 (17) under my roof and although they're hugely different personalities they're both helpful, kind and patient kids who pull their weight, help with their younger sibs and treat other people decently. When they were younger they were the same, sometimes they struggled with priorities or a bit of self control but all they needed was someone to hold up a mirror on how their behaviour affected others.

We kept some firm boundaries around behaviour and help in the home from when they were little, but I agree with the poster that you need to combine that with respect for them. Discuss, respect their choices, share time for conversation, be interested in what they want.

My teen can be a horror at home (moody, grumpy, angry, trying to tell me what to do etc). However he never swears, and everyone else tells me how lovely he is, so I must be doing something right. He also regularly tells me he loves me unprompted!

He is lucky to have a stable home, good relationships with all grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. He plays a lot of team sports. We try to channel his boundless energy into being useful. He (mostly) gets on with his siblings .

His room is a tip but he will bring the bins in when asked, cook for himself and others, and does his homework without needing to be reminded.

He isn’t perfect, and we don’t have many ‘rules’ but whenever he oversteps we remind him, get an apology, and move on.

My 21yr old ds is a gem. I've been a single mother to him & his sister since before he was born.

Key things are;

Mutual respect
Keeping communication lines open
No judgement at all
Support in any of his interests (so much so I've become a huge footie fan when I never watched it before lol)
A really nice group of friends
I never allowed him to just hang around town doing nothing, him & his friends would go to the cinema, crazy golf, days out etc but with the parents all taking turns to drop & collect.

2 out of 3 of my sons fit that description.

The one that doesn't particularly, was the one with the less stable home life due to my awful marriage to his dad, and the eventual divorce.

However, he's in his 30s now and absolutely lovely like his brothers. I think it just took him longer to get there due to how he suffered emotionally.

Much like the other posters I have always treated my boys with respect, value their opinion, always talk through things and am honest with them. They know how proud I am of them, that they can talk to me about anything and we can figure it out together. I always apologise to them when I am wrong and learn from my mistakes with them.

Single parent to a 17 year old boy, always been just me and him. Always been open and honest and given freedom with appropriate boundaries. I've always expected him to be polite and use good manners. He helps around the house, he pays his own bills from his part time job. He has a lot of freedom to follow his favourite football team up and down the country as he's proven his earnt the trust and freedom to do so.

My two sons are men with families of their own now but they always were and are now decent people. I was strict! I and their father were loving, very. I talked to them from a young age about things I thought important like respect for others, kindness etc. To be honest they were a bit too good and were bullied a bit, if I had my time again I’d ensure they stood up for themselves more.

Mine are absolute Kevins. People falling over themselves to say how great they are and what a good job we've done. At home: grunts, smells and mess. Better that than the other way around I guess and they are definitely improving in late teens.

It comes down to a combination of temperament and home environment I guess. You can't always tell if you're doing it right until it's too late.

There are loads of nice teens around - in fact they are probably the majority. The minority give the rest of them a bad reputation.

They have parents (or a single parent) who spends time with them, is involvedin their life, and supportive - but also a parent rather than a mate. So there is a level of discipline and expectations set- probably that have existed for many years.

My 17 year old is a really nice lad. He does well at school, is mostly pleasant at home, helps out a bit with his younger sister, has a nice peer group, holds down a responsible part time job.
The things that I think are important are that we have always had high expectations and boundaries but we also say yes whenever possible to whatever activities he wants to do, and we trust him to be responsible. He’s been in air cadets which has been fantastic for self discipline and leadership skills and I think it helps that he is trusted there too. He has a nice friendship group and is part of a nerdy crowd that all work hard and are headed for university. He has been clear from being quite young what he wants to do next and he is very motivated.
He also is just a fairly easygoing personality. I can see we are in for a different ride with DS2 (13) despite all the same upbringing.

Could have written this myself.

I have kind, friendly, polite and well mannered twin boys who are nearly 16. They have their moments but those are mainly played out at home and their behaviour outside of home is pretty exemplary. Other parents love them and say they are a credit to us…however…I think it’s just who they are! I value politeness and manners, model it myself and acknowledge it in other people but I think it’s more to do with their sportsmanship, the effort they make in school and the fact that they are neither popular nor unpopular that makes people like them - I guess they are non-threatening!

We know quite a lot of brilliant lads.
The parents that have raised decent boys have in common -
Eat meals at dining tables
Both parents together and both parent. You see either parent on the school run, both at school events, either do pickup.
Family watches a bit of tv together - Friday night dinner
Family goes to the cinema, theatre, reads, very positive about any niche interest.
Family seems to like each other, very positive about each other and a good sense of humour.

Another lad, who is lovely, has his mum & strong, daily, grandparent involvement, along with lots of sport.

I'm sure other parenting set ups also work but we were looking for common factors recently.

Love this ❤

I'd say they all come from stable families, interested parents, adults have spent time with them since they were little, they've had help with school work when required and have generally been nurtured both by their parents and wider family (grandparents/ aunts/ uncles etc). For two families I would count myself as adopted wider family.

I think this is very true - having other adults, not just parents, taking a genuine interest and giving them time and attention on a regular basis.

18 and 21.
Given massive encouragement with education. Ferried them all over doing football and scouts to encourage mixing, self esteem and independence. Encouraged responsibility, both did refereeing and have part time jobs from 16.
Lots of lots of family holidays (not always possible).
No swearing (in front of them). I'd lie if I said there was never any shouting. I don't think it's a bad thing for a child growing up to be a little bit afraid of their parents!
Promoting a united front. We were always in charge. They may be taller than me but I still sit up front in the car with DH when we're all together.
Tons of praise and reward for achievement.

Mine. He's 13 so there's still time but I can't see him changing madly. He's kind, empathetic, helpful, polite. I love his company. He still comes out with us for walks and park visits.

I think its partly his genetic make up, so luck, partly we've always treated him like one of us, though firm boundaries where needed. He has younger siblings and one is autistic so he's grown up being understanding of differences and being caring.

I'm also careful now to give him my time each evening. We find something lovely or funny to watch and get into together.

And I encourage independence & time away from us. He's gorgeous.

I have a 15yo who carries the grocery shopping without being asked. 😊 If he sees me looking knackered when I get in, he gives me a hug and makes me a cuppa. (He still throws his clothes on the floor, but you can't have everything)

He's naturally quite chilled out and totally uninterested in social media/tiktok etc which helps. He knows I love him because I tell him every day, so is quite secure.

It's just him and me, so there is no pressure to compete with anyone or be a 'chip off the old block'. His df is only slightly involved but is at least contactable.

I've always tried to treat ds as I want to be treated. I don't bring boy friends into the house. At home, I am careful that we consider both our views & opinions. I try not to rant in front of him.

He has to put up with me singing & dancing in the kitchen while I cook. Even though he is taller than me now, if we have an argument, I seldom blink first.

We like each other which helps enormously.