Genuinely kind, friendly and polite teen boys

I think you can have lovely teens/kids that shout and scream sometimes. I have a DD11 for example, who finds school stressful and has emotional outbursts, but she'd do anything for anybody. I have an older boy who's just less volatile and more what would be described as a delight. He is a smart and popular kid who can coast through his days though, he doesn't have the stress his sister does.

I'm okay with venting at home. I tend to let it happen, and talk it through after when she's calmed down. I have heard the I hate yous etc, but I don't take them to heart. Growing up is hard.

My son is an absolute pleasure and I'm so proud of him. He is kind and funny and wonderful company. He comes from a divorced family where we both respect each other and our households, take an interest in what he does whether at our house or his dad's house and vice versa, make him feel loved and considered and significant all the time.

We have a lovely relationship- I follow his interests, he 'trains' me in his sport, I know his friends, I am casual but warm with girlfriends, we watch stuff together on tv in a happy heap together on the sofa. I feel thankful for him every day. He has a silly sense of humour that I enjoy and encourage.

No DC of my own but a lovely teen boy offered me his seat on the train a few weeks ago - I've something wrong with my right leg at the moment and it's causing me to limp after being on my feet for a couple of hours.

My three nephews. All as you describe, and always have been. Now late teens/early 20s. Their parents gave them lots of firm boundaries but plenty of freedom within them. They were expected to help around the house. Their Mum has worked full time throughout and they see how important hard work is for everyone. They never had lots of money so didn't get materially spoiled. They've all had weekend jobs as teens to earn their own spending money. I think it's all helped them be rounded and sensitive to others. They've also all got great senses of humour and are very talented and creative people.

Katseyes7 sorry to hear you lost your mum like that but what a wonderful ‘nephew’ you have.

Mine is 19. He's a delight, and always has been. People adore him.

I agree with a lot of what has been said.
Dinner times at the table with chat and laughter
Listening to his fads
Never allowing anything age inappropriate e.g. mine had to be 15 yo watch a 15 film at home. There are rules for a reason.
Never allowing disrespect, even from very small
High expectations of behaviour
Lots of laughter, compliments and care.
Music - if you can get them on an instrument that's a winner.

Lots of talk even from young, about the family being a team. We pull together. I hate the idea of parents giving everything to and for their children, it's such a bad thing to model. Everyone in the family is important.

My son is 17, will be 18 in December. He is chatty, well mannered, funny, and hardworking. I was a stickler for manners when he was younger and also strongly encouraged him to speak up and for himself at restaurants and doctors etc anywhere that involved speaking to an adult, as a result he doesn’t have that awkwardness that teens sometimes have when talking to strangers.
I’ve always encouraged any extra curriculars and drove him to and from, he drives himself now and even drives me about.
He attends college and also works, he plans to join the police force.
His father and I are no longer together so he has the pleasure of two stable homes to choose from but we’ve always been a team when it comes to co parenting and have stuck to similar parenting values so there’s no confusion.

His sister is much the same except I can’t quite get her to make phone calls!

For raising all children listening and living and remaining interested and supportive means so much. Never presume they don’t want time and model everything you expect. Mine are lovely - their friends are lovely and they do kind things for people without prompting. It warms my heart!

My cousin's son was about 12 when my mam died. She'd taken her own life, and l just found that out a couple of hours earlier.
My cousin insisted l wasn't to drive 100 miles back home, but to stay with them.
When l arrived at their house, the 12 year old lad was the only one home.
He took my bag, hugged me, and said "I'll put the kettle on, Auntie Katseyes."
I was in bits, but he was so kind. A lot would have been embarrassed, but he sat and talked to me til his mam and dad got home from work.
Good parenting, boundaries, and respect for other people. He's a good lad, funny like his dad, and kind and hardworking.
Same lad had just turned seventeen when his dad died. And he did the eulogy at his dad's funeral. I'm only an honorary auntie, but my heart was bursting with pride for him. His mam must have felt that a thousand times over.

You wouldn't know though. Sure there are nice teen boys but there are also plenty that are what is being described but are absolute horrors when their parents arnt around, same with girls. But I do see a lot of mums being all starry eyed about their 'good boys', it can certainly be a tad delusional.

My 14 year old is quiet kind and polite he's always been much kinder and thinking about others than DD. (He also spends too long on a screen and is lazy about doing chores...to give some balance!!😄)
He's not very streetwise and quite naïve which is sweet that he takes things at face value but also I worry that he could easily be taken advantage of. His friends are very sweet and polite too, none of them, including DS fit into a popular or cool group but don't seem overly fussed about it.

My son has come into his element since we started home education. He’s much happier not having to listen to the horrid dynamics between kids at school.

@Marblessolveeverything 😂😂. I remind my boys that at my age I’ve no fucks left to give and I will visit school in a tutu if required 😂

Mine are 15 & 16. Lovely kids - and everyone says so 😄. They have a bloody fabulous role model in their dad - and their 3 uncles.

We treat them with respect but with firm boundaries and consequences when boundaries are crossed. Not speaking to visitors and friends we encounter out and about has never been an option - basic manners to say hello, enquire after people etc have been drilled into them. And they do it naturally now which means people respond in kind.

And they pull their weight around the house - they have to be reminded but it’s done without sulking or arguing.

Keep your expectations high and NEVER do the boys will be boys thing - good luck 😄

Me too, she always insisted on manners 🐱.

@ComeAlongPeggy be honest with them, respect them and always listen. Don't say no to requests automatically, risk assess and understand they are better to make small mistakes now rather than big ones later.

Give them privacy respect their choices on appropriate areas of life- hair, clothes etc.

I encouraged my son to bring issues with any decisions made by me, school etc to me if he feels it's wrong. Be prepared to be honest with mistakes made by yourself.

No matter how moody or eye rolling the day is, tell them you love them, you have their back. And that you are fully prepared to do a daily tik tok in his school yard if he brings trouble to my door!

Being openly affectionate, listening to them, respecting their opinions but always having clear boundaries and expectations as far as behaviour is concerned. Treating them as individuals and sentient beings not you-extensions (a mistake often made by Dads; he’s NOT you) Give them space, especially when the testosterone kicks in - there’s no point arguing with someone who knows they’re behaving badly but kicks off anyway. Make your point and walk away instead. After about 15 mins mine would apologise for whatever it was and we’d move on. Be available. Don’t be judgemental for the sake of it ie. just ‘because you’re the adult’ in the room.
Tell them when someone outside the immediate family praises them.
Be the parent you wished yours had been, but from an adult perspective not a teen one.

My teen boy is a delight. Incredibly clean in his habits!

But it's nothing I have done as my teen DD was a nightmare ( she's ok now). Just a fluke. I did encourage sport though, and it kept him away from gaming and screens. But the rest of it is his own personality.

I do. They're really good kids. People quite often remark on it - but that is partly because the expectation for teen boys is exceptionally low. I haven't done anything interesting or exceptional, or made a big deal of things or have any grand ideas.

They have a calm and stable home with kind and stable parents. I think that's all.

I’m not sure what you class as an older teen. My youngest son is 15, for the most part he is a pretty nice polite lad, he has his moments where he can be stroppy and occasionally a bit shouty but then so do I! He can be quite messy and lazy which drives me up the wall and a little selfish at times (imo) but then I guess thats fairly standard for a teenager, on the whole though he’s certainly not a bad lad. He will often offer me a brew when I get home from work and will occasionally make me breakfast in bed if he’s up before me and I’ve been working long shifts. He was a lovely kind, caring, considerate and polite child and it was frequently commented on by teachers and after-school club staff. His teachers now rarely have anything but nice things to say and he does a bit of volunteering and the old folks at the place he volunteers all love him.

I separated from his Dad before he was born and they don’t have contact, so for the most part its been largely just the two of us (I did date someone for 7 years from him being a baby but we never lived together). We have always done everything together, he even used to come to work with me on Sundays so I guess we’ve always been pretty close in the past (he’s a bit of a recluse that can’t think of anything worse than hanging out with mum these days though! 😢). I always involved him in cooking and baking and household chores.

I would’t say I’m overly strict or harsh in my parenting but I wouldn’t say I particularly subscribe to gentle parenting either. I’ve always been pretty strict on basic manners, I do shout (swear like a trooper in-fact yet surprisingly he doesn’t and won’t ever swear in my presence! He pointed out a book he got once had a swear word in it but even when asked what it was refused to say it out loud and had to show it too me!). I would be lying if I said he’d never had a smacked bottom on occassion as a younger child either.

In conclusion I recon its a combination of a having a close relationship, being involved, being given responsibility, feeling listened too (mutual respect), not being a walk over and a bit of luck! Nature vs nurture and all that.

Mine have just turned 21 and 18. I have very rarely shouted and then it was only when there was danger. I grew up in a shouty house and this is not a positive way to communicate so we never did it no matter how exasperated I was.

Firstly, I listened to them, never belittled the things they loved (Pokemon, Minecraft, Fortnite, stupid songs What does the fox say etc) asked questions about it, took an interest in things they were interested in, played Minecraft parody songs in the car. They in turn learn to ask questions about other people and things, talk to Sacha about her dancing, Paul about his running, children or adults.

Family dinner where everyone talks about their day which is funny because I am a sahm but they still listened, learned to ask questions about things, news, things their friends said. Get their view on things, get them to think about things. Listen to Grandparents talking about stuff they might not find interesting because Grandma has watched your dance moves, listened to you read your poem aloud etc.

Absolutely no stomping out of rooms or doors slamming, never happened. Laid out expectations of behaviour from early on, ie you need school shoes, if you co-operate it will be quicker and we get watch <insert tv show> because we will have time. I expect you to be polite to the shop assistant, thank them etc.

That expectation goes to chores with no complaints, help bring in any shopping and unpack it and put away what you can, ask where things go that you don't know so you can learn.

This is gardening/DIY it is hard work, boring and repetitive, clock how long you have been doing it, do you think you want an outdoors job? Manual labour job? Trade job like plumbing etc, talk them through choices we make as adults for the house let them understand how much effort goes into redecoration. We did this for meals too, they set the table but are expected to be in the kitchen, stir that, put plates in the microwave to warm them through, weigh out the pasta. At the end everyone stays in the kitchen until it is all cleared down and clean, children then see how much effort parents put into meal prep every. single. flipping. day.

Family meetings, anyone can call one, you can ask for things, negotiate, complain yes but say what you want, hopefully have a solution to the issue.

And no one disrespects me (or Dh) I have two sons so I knew they would tower over me at early teen stage. Dh backs me, no one speaks to my wife that way. I would say if you were a boyfriend and you spoke to me like that I would show you the door. It hasn't happened very often, mainly Ds1 when he was getting a bit too big for his boots and testing boundaries. He had mates who talked to their parents like shit, ate in their rooms, never talked to their parents. They thought he was weird for watching tv shows with us, talking to us, singing in the kitchen with us, guess the band and song title games, board games etc.

Oh and that I would bury a body for them, walk through fire for them, we draw a line under stupidity and move forward. Along with Dh they are my favourite people.

My DS was generally great. Everyone always commented on how polite and lovely he was. The only trouble he ever got into was when standing up to bullies on behalf of a lad who lived on our estate (DS had taken to escorting him home). At home he could be surly and his bedroom was a pig sty, but he’s grown up and married with a child of his own now and he’s a reformed character in that respect. We have a great relationship.

My DSS (17) is lovely too. Mild mannered, funny, polite and kind. If you’d asked me 6 years ago I’d have said something quite different about him, but he’s basically turned into his dad.

I suppose the key has been treating them well and consistently, and modelling good behaviour. However I think my DS is a better person than I’ll ever be so I don’t think I can take all the credit.

I have exactly the same 16 year old it seems! Both my boys have been no problem as teens. TBH I prefer it to the crying/ colicky/non sleeping babyhood. We have dinner together every night too. No screens, no TV whike eating. We talk about different things- what they did at school, discussions onI'm not sure what else I did tbh. He has always been a bit quiet, considerate of others, etc. I suppose another thing with have is a big extended family, so he regularly stays with grandparents/ great aunts/ uncles etc. We regularly have to drop them off to my elderly aunt's because no-one else will sit with her and play cards with her and talk to her for so long. ( including her many grandchildren) They can chat to people of different ages, they are interested in lots of things- science, history etc, but neither of them are particularly into football, but DS1's friends are into football, and they are just as lovely. He's not perfect, and he's not particularly academic-he is revising for hours a day for his GCSES but I doubt he'll get a 9 in anything. It'll be a huge achievement for him to get 6s but overall I'm lucky both my boys are healthy, polite and nice kids.

My eldest DS has turned into an exceedingly confident and well mannered young man. I think there is a lot of luck in terms of baseline temprement, but some of the things we did that have perhaps contributed are...

Respectful parenting where we said yes to as much as possible from toddlerhood upwards, with no arbitrary rules for the sake of it, but with absolutely cast iron boundaries in a few areas, particularly around being considerate of other people. It's a trivial example, but I'd happily push him endlessly on a swing, but as soon as other people where queuing then I'd switch to strict turntaking - and explain why.

Consistently modelling really respectful behaviour when out and about, especially in shops, cafes etc. Little things like picking crap up off the floor in a restaurant, and again explaining why - because it is really disrespectful to expect waiting staff to clear up after you. Even a really little act like taking a cup back up the counter when you leave and saying thank you rather than leaving it to be cleared. Anything that shows you are aware of the people around you.

Lots of people told me things get bad in teen years but they come out the other side by 17.

My DS is almost 17 and not had the 'bad bit yet'. We rarely have a disagreement, he is never rude to me or anything. People say they'll say they hate you.

If it's something I've done, I've just always modelled being kind, polite and friendly. Always been respectful to my DC. Never punished them or been controlling. That's it, really.

I don't have a teen boy yet, but I do have a husband who works in youth MH and criminal justice and have done my own stint in similar roles. Yes stability and learned behaviours are so very important, but I also thinks it starts young. I get lots of compliments about DS' manners but it's unthinkable to me that he wouldn't say please and thank you, listen to others etc and those are the kids of times and expectations at have about respectful behaviour, being polite etc