Genuinely kind, friendly and polite teen boys

To be fair, that's every boy in hers or her friend's social circles.

TBF @YabbaDabbaDooooo discounting her experience as a young woman is pretty dismissive and patronising. I hear what 13 and 14 yo boys are saying to DD from her reports from school and there's more misogyny than their parents would approve of, I'm sure.

Dd just found it depressing that they were pretty much all like that when thwarted. “Nice” middle class boys from “good” state and private schools.

I've got two amazing young men. 19 and 16. They are both polite, kind and respectful. They treat others nicely but both were bullied at school for it. Every teacher through infant school right up to secondary has told me they are just lovely. Never had a problem with adults disliking them, just the other not so nice kids who seem to smell weakness in nice kids. They've both got through it but it's made them both a bit wary of people their own ages. I couldn't be more proud and I put it down to a stable home life, clear boundaries and teaching them to have empathy and be kind. They are not perfect at home in terms of helping out, clearing their bedrooms or doing homework but they're not shits and unfortunately so many are.

To be fair, that's every boy in hers or her friend's social circles.

In other social groups (in her school for example) she won't be privy to who dumped who and everything that goes with it.

My 13yr old is generally perceived to be very polite and kind. He has his moments at home, but I am verge proud of him. One thing I would say is that we have always called out any unkindness or grumpiness and talked about the fact that in our family we show love and empathy towards each other. I have always nipped any arguing with hi sister in the bud immediately and told them to take a break from each other.

DH and I have a loving relationship and never argue really, so I think that also helps to model good relationships. The DCs know that we disagree about things but do this is a respectful, good-humoured way.

We are a farming family and he has always had pets and animals to care for - I think this really helps too.

Hmm. How do they treat girls though? DD (15) has said every single boy bar one (who was from a different culture) who has been dumped by a girl however politely has turned nasty, aggressive and said misogynistic things to the girl. Every one.

She was waitressing at a party and a mum on finding out their age was twittering on that she bet they knew her son how marvellous he was and how all the girls must like him etc. DD was too polite to say err no actually he's a horrible sexist git.

I have 5 sons and they were generally lovely kind teenage boys. We always made an effort to encourage their hobbies and interests (football, drums, guitar etc) and welcomed their friends over. I also tried to have a bit of one on one time with each of them, shopping for new clothes/video games and having lunch out together. Showing an interest in what's going on in their life and enjoying their company. I think you really have to make an effort to keep that closeness in the teenage years. They may seem like they don't need you much any more but they do really. They're under a lot of pressure with exams etc and really need to know you're in their corner ☺️

Just an expectation from a very young age that certain things are just not done
Children surrounded by like minded people, whether that be grandparents, aunts and uncles or just other families who we socialise with who have the same expectations of them.
Finally and most importantly for us is how from 5 they are taught good morals and manners when they enter the madrassa system so all day whether in school or out they know what is acceptable and what isn't.
My eldest is 20, described by many of his teachers as a gentle and reassuring young man. Very shy but quietly confident.
My 16 year old is similar but just a little more confident.

I teach loads of them, along with a number of no tso nice ones. I'm ashamed to admit that I wish ds were more like some of the ones I teach sometimes.
He's quiet but articulate. Passionate and thoughtful. Kind, in that he tolerates younger kids well. Kind to animals. Will do pretty much any thing you ask (as long as it doesn't involve talking to people) But wouldn't ever think to hold a door open/offer to help anyone/complimentsomeone/ start a conversation. Just wouldn't cross his mind. We have modelled etc, but social niceties have just passed him by. I worry he comes across as aloof or distant but, unlike his outwardly perfect and socially savvy sibling, there's not an ounce of malice in him. Yet the sibling is the one people would describe as the op has.

That's not to say sibling is a bad person, but it's interesting to see how knowing how to play the game alters people's perceptions.

Interesting thread. I have a lovely 15 yr old boy he is on the spectrum but is so polite and kind. He is head boy of his school, runs 2 societies at school, babysits for local families and volunteers in the library. He hates football and anything sporty but loves theatre. He is very studious and works exceptionally hard. He can be very rude at home and also quite demanding- he does swear at home as well which my husband hates but he is such a well rounded happy boy I don't see an issue as long as he doesn't swear at us.

When kids were little I made a conceited effort to spend time with them and we were always out doing something - they also did a fair bit of extra curricular activities. I chose a nursery for them that a higher than average proportion of children from poorer families that was on the edge of an estate as I wanted them to mix with children from all walks of life. Both of them have friends now from a massive spectrum of different types of families which I am sure has made a difference to them growing up and understanding differences in how other people parent.

A couple of controversial things I did - I never limited screen time partly because they had no interest and as I was always out doing something ,when we were home if we had been out for a morning for example being on the tablet for an hour in the afternoon was not a problem but I think because they were always out and about somewhere - they never needed a screen to keep them entertained BUT that has its downsides because at home they always wanted my attention and would never leave me alone. When they were little I never put the TV on for them till they were about 4 but but now neither of them can sit through a film so if I had my time again I would introduce TV a lot earlier just for my sanity.

Also they were allowed phones in their rooms and no set bedtime from about 12. Both children could self regulate from about 13, they would generally be asleep by 10 and as they were tired had no inkling to be on their phones,

My son is ashamed to be a teenager as there is a lot of problems with teens around here. He is happy to be himself and he doesn't feel embarrassed to be a good egg - he gets a lot of stick because of his volunteering and babysitting but he doesn't care. In the future he wants to work with children with SEN.

I think parenting does have a lot to do with how your child turns out. I think wanting to spend time with them and enjoying their company makes them feel loved and secure and if you can carry this on into their teenage years and they still feel loved they don't need to seek elation elsewhere - elsewhere being with a group of lads causing trouble and then getting glory from the leaders of the pack for being a bad boy.

Back to the screen time thing and phone usage my son doesn't play computer games he has never had an interest - whether that is because screens didn't play a part in his early life or not I will never know. My nephew who has been brought up in a similar way to my son is xbox mad and my sister is having huge problems with his behaviour which she puts down to not being able to get him off the xbox.

I think this hasn’t been raised so much on this thread, the importance of talking about sexual politics and internet content with teenage boys.

I showed DS the thread about incels earlier this week expecting him to find it funny/interesting. His comment was that parents had no idea how easy it is for teenage boys to fall down that rabbit hole, because there’s just so much toxic and sexist opinion on SM and in gaming.

As well as the other great points pp have made I would definitely highlight this.

Most of the teenage boys that I teach are sometimes a bit awkward but very nice young men. I wouldn’t mistake polite for kind though! They really are not the same thing at all. I am thinking of one teenage boy who is always polite and charming but he got his underage girlfriend pregnant, then dumped her for someone else as soon as she got an abortion.

www.facebook.com/share/r/Bb9vhgJ15tcD9Mqx/?mibextid=xCPwDs

My 17 year old is a lovely young man ,kind caring ,not very academic ( but so what) he's not had an easy life having had a severely disabled brother and having diabetes himself but I'm immensley proud of him and how he's coped .

I have a lovely boy who is nearly 16. People are always telling me what nice lad he is. He's kind, caring, respectful. Can be a bit cheeky now and again but that's normal. He's bloody ace. He's an only child (not by choice) so he's always had our undivided attention. We are pretty cool parents I think, not too strict but fair. We never argue, we eat together at the table every night and talk about stuff, I have always been more close to him than his dad, always taught him to respect girls, given him lots of advice, talked to him about personal hygiene and sex /puberty, how to conduct himself in situations etc. we have a great relationship.

However....he was an absolute shit as a toddler 😂😂😤🙈.

My son is a lovely teenager - to other people! Though he's started being nice to me again now.

He helped a lady at Tesco and the lady phoned the school to say how nice he was!

I think he's like that because all the people (men and women) he knows are like that.

He sees kind, polite, thoughtful behaviour modelled everywhere. He's also done karate, been in the scouting movement and now Air Cadets so respect, discipline, personal responsibility and civic responsibility have featured highly in those orgs.

School, family and friends finish off the bigger picture.

It's been his personality forever. Once when he was really young, maybe 4 or 5 (he's 17 now) a lady came over to tell me that he's going to be a great Dad when he grows up. I was a bit surprised. My son had been playing with her much younger son and had been really fab with him.

I love this, we are similar at home with our 7 year old son. I completely agree on the eating together routine.

I agree 100% about dinner time.

The amount of kids I teach who tell me they order from deliveroo or just eat for dinner and eat it in their bedrooms is mind blowing.

I think our kitchen/dining table is the most important object in my house for this reason.

My teen boys are lovely, kind, and polite. I think it's just their nature to be honest.

I have a 21 year old ds and he is kind, caring and a genuinely nice boy. We have always treated him with trust and respect and have received the same from him. We are a very open family and speak to each other about everything without judgement. We have always brought him up to be very respectful to girls and so he is very confident around girls and the one to count on when needed. He is so caring and romantic with his girlfriend, its so lovely to see.
I also think the key is that they choose their friends wisely and surround themselves with friends that have the same values.
All my friends boys and my sons friends all have similar behavioural patterns. Well brought up boys that we are all proud of.

One of my friends has two lovely boys, one of whom is a young teen. Becoming a teenager doesn't seem to have changed his personality or manners. It would be easy to say, "they've always been well-behaved" - because it's true - but I suspect the reason they were and continue to be genuinely kind, polite, thoughtful boys is because their mother raised them that way. She always had rules (not particularly strict, just what you would expect) and she followed through on consequences.

I think a lot of them are grumpy and rude around their own family but super polite around other people. I occasionally give my ds friends a lift and they are always very polite. I imagine some are utter horrors at home though 😂

Mine are lovely imo. I think having good role models and values goes a long way but also being able to express their emotions safely. A lot of teenagers struggle to express their feelings.

Mine is 18 and one of the nicest people I know.
He's an only child so we've probably always treated him more like an adult, discussed world events over dinner etc, always included him and had his input into decisions. We've also had firm boundaries which he thrived on.

I've no idea how much of his behaviour is luck, but we wouldn't have tolerated rudeness. I think he's just naturally kind and thoughtful..for my birthday last week he got up very early to take me for a walk up the nearest hill to watch the sun rise with me (something we both love to do) - a teen deliberately getting up at 05:30 is quite something!

I have two teenage boys 15 and 18. They are both lovely boys. The youngest is autistic and we’ve had some challenges with him in younger years but he’s a lot more settled now. The eldest I can honestly hand on heart say we’ve never had a moment’s bother with him. Not sure what we have done specifically- my husband is a very gentle man not a “bloke”/stereotypically masculine type so expect that’s had an impact