Genuinely kind, friendly and polite teen boys

I’ve got 3 boys, only the youngest is still a teen (15). He’s always been very smiley, very positive. They’ve always had a stable home life, dh and I don’t often argue and are seen being respectful and kind to each other. All of you boys have (different) sen and I never allowed teasing in the family. There’s enough of that outside, home and family is your safe space. I’ll allow a bit of arguing but not if it gets out of hand. I shut that shit down. I was/am strict. I made my boundaries very clear, along with the consequences for breaching them and I always followed through. Never used physical punishment. I wanted my children to be people I enjoyed spending time with and they still know that their parents enjoy spending time with them.

let’s hope I’m not too possessive 🤣

Believe me I wish it wasn’t true. Hate that the adorable little boys Dd hung out with at primary seem to have been…well corrupted is a strong word but it’s the one that comes to mind. I think something has gone very wrong in our society- and it’s not the parents fault IMO

I agree @TheaBrandt. There is widespread misogyny. As people can tell just by opening a newspaper. And I totally accept that while I think my DS is lovely, I don't know for sure. If I see any signs of misogyny, I will come down upon it, but he may hide it from he, who knows?

The girls aren’t perfect but there is simply not an equivalent to the widespread misogyny young girls seem to be experiencing from (some but still many) young boys. Whether this is online influencers or societal (porn) I don’t know. The boys seem ok but when thwarted they all (bar one boy) turned aggressively misogynistic. One threatened suicide unless he was sent naked pictures. It really worries me to be honest and really hope all the boys are as lovely as described on this thread.

Maybe it’s an age thing and they grow out of it in older Dds circle the boys seem better (17 plus).

Same here. DS is very laid back, volunteers with young children and elderly people, has impeccable manners and lots of confidence.

It's just the way he is. I don't claim to have parented him any different to anyone else.

The irony
You think mothers of sons are starry eyed
Yet think your own daughter ,s massive generalisation of half the population based on her her own social circle is fine .

I think when people answer questions like op's, people will come and say what they think is working for them. It's not smug.
We all know there's no perfection. If anyone thinks their children are perfect, never get angry, have never said anything mean or have any other faults, then they're deluded.
If people want a disclaimer and a list of faults too, then I'm sure people will oblige.

I agree.

I think there is a lot of smugness on this thread to be honest and self congratulatory behaviour. Yes of course your parenting has an impact. But in terms of nature v nurture, I believe nature plays a huge part in their personality.

I read many moons ago a thread where a poster had said she had brought up three boys to adulthood without a single moment of stroppiness. This seemed highly unusual to me but perhaps indicative that they were naturally hugely placid and relaxed people.

There are many many great parents who have had nightmare teens.

No idea, he was born that way. Gentle, kind toddler/little boy and never really changed.

i would say judge your teen boy by how they behave at school and for other adults. Are they kind and polite to their friends parents? All will have hormonal ups and downs which their own parents will witness (where their parents are their safe space) and will have moments that concern you. But if they are polite to everyone else that’s a good indicator they will emerge from the teen years to be the young men you want them to be. You can keep reinforcing messages and calling out behaviour you find disappointing and some of that does get through but it doesn’t work as well as when they were younger as it’s natural development to push away from parents (particularly mums) at that age. You have to trust you did a good enough job in early years that values are embedded and they will come out the other side of teen years ok.

I'm not discounting it.

I'm pointing out the that 'every single one', will be only the boys she knows or knows of, and not 'every single one' at her school, or outside of her social circle.

She can't possibly know how 'every single boy bar one' has reacted to being dumped.

A lot of it is how they perceive their mother too and if that shapes their view of women are there to service everyone.
I do the bulk of the housework and cooking but I've made sure my teen boys regularly do these things too.
I've no issue asking them to do stuff for me or a sibling, to let me have my own space and time where I prioritise myself and to generally be part of the 'team' that is our household.

My sons have been raised with a lot of love from me but the men in their lives have been fairly absent or not great. I have to admit, I worried for them.

However, it seems me having firm boundaries about what I am not prepare to tolerate has rubbed off on them. There has been a lot of open communication and intentional modelling of right and wrong from me.

I see my oldest with his girlfriend and they have a relationship I really admire. They are each other’s biggest cheerleaders, and are really good at resolving their disagreements. They rarely argue even though they don’t always have the same opinion or idea of how things would work best. They seem to be really good at talking it through and finding a way they are both happy with. Both ND too.

IMO being a friend to your children counts for a lot. I don’t mean acting like a teenager yourself, but taking time to learn about their interests, finding common ground, going to the drive through for coffee and a chat, listening to their music etc all builds a lovely bond. And be the person you would hope they would be.

Another thing I’ve taught them is we all fuck up from time to time, but it’s an opportunity to learn. If you own your mistakes and reflect on them they can actually be a gift for growth.

They soak it all up.

Mine are adults now and wonderful men. They didn't sit at the table. We do now they're grown but were relaxed about this. We've always spent a lot of time doing things as a family. So I don't agree with this. Although it could apply to who you know?

My 20yr old would be described that way. I wouldn't say he's had a stable home life, quite the opposite. I just taught him to be polite and respectful of others then challenged any behaviour that didn't show that. My 16yr old is the same but ND so it's different with him.
I truly believe most of it is just in their nature and there's not much I could have done to change it 🤷‍♀️

My 14 yr old and his friends are all pleasant enough.
I’d say the biggest thing is time together. Doesn’t matter what so much, junk food trips out, shared tv … doesn’t have to be much. For me and ds we cook a lot together. Give them lifts too, let friends round.

My son is lovely, until he isn't. Temper like you wouldn't believe. But only I (and possibly his ex GF) know this. He's getting better now he's 20 - I think Covid was a disaster for him and really shook his confidence, but he's always had a temper.
But don't think it has anything to do with me. It's his personality. Kids will be who they are despite their parenting more than because of it (abusive parenting aside).

It must be porn I think and their easy access to it. Afaicr, pre phones, teenage boys would have been lucky to get their hands on a very occasional porn mag. Now it's instant access. And it's giving them horrible ideas about women/girls.

But I would naively like to take the heartwarming stories of wonderful sons on this thread, rather than my dds real life experience of teenage boys, and hope they'll grow out of it with good parenting.

We talk at the dinner table. I ask their opinions about things in the news, things happening in our lives, their days etc. We play board games and take walks together. They also have plenty of screen/trashy telly time (as do I!) but I won’t sacrifice those first things.

I have always had a firm expectation of manners and helping round the house, but I think sitting at the table and talking is the most important.

I have been doing the opposite of social climbing and guiding Dd to state school boys or boys from the local normal private schools. The attitude of some of the boys from the top public school to a younger state school girl was unpleasant

I have 4 children and there is 9 years between my eldest and my youngest. The mysogeny and chauvinism is more prevalent in schools now. Eldest (female, 25) says she’s worried about youngest’s (male, 16) generation due to social media which wasn’t really around when she was growing up. Readily accessed porn and Andrew Tate have a lot to answer for.

DS is adored by his teachers and the word “kind” often features in his reports. But he isn’t popular at school and I’m pleased about that as the general cohort aren’t particularly pleasant young men and the year groups below are getting more disrespectful towards authority. It could be his school and the area we live in. He has about 10 friends who he sticks with and avoids the rest.

I worry that I’ve brought up my children to be too considerate, respectful, kind and caring as they have been dumped on at school by the more egocentric kids but I’m pleased to see that they’ve been sharpening their elbows as they’ve made their ways in the world and standing their ground at uni and work.

Your talking about surface artifice though.

Even murderers and bullies can hold doors open and shake hands politely and use cutlery correctly

Same with my dd and her friends. They are having a very different experience of teenage boys to my generation. In mine, we were all excited to get married to Prince Charming. For my dd, she is resolute that she would rather be single unless she meets a boy/man who isn't sexist. Which is none of them as far as she can tell atm. I hope the boys grow out of how misogynisticly they're behaving atm, otherwise our birth rate will plummet, as simultaneously, girls are now being raised to not tolerate the bullshit behaviour our mothers accepted.

Absolutely agree with that spaghetti. Dh and I have a saying “warm words” pretty easy to fake smarm and have the chat. The real test is how you treat someone in a weaker position to you going against your wishes.