Is this fair?

Exactly @YourSnugHazelTraybake ...and my point was that many of the posters on this thread have said, well he gives you £X in CM so you have to also put in £X making £2X, but not taking in to account at all that CM is in fact based on the fact that the NRP has the child less so pays CM to cover for this disparity in care. Not so the RP can then also, on top of the more childcare, put in that same amount of CM to the pot.

No, that's what the nrp is doing. If the nrp was doing 50/50 then no maintenance would be paid and each would be paying the child's costs whilst child was in their care. Because the nrp is not sharing care and therefore costs, they're paying maintenance, which is calculated based on the amount of time they have ( or in many cases don't have) the child.

So expenses are split 50/50 but care and supervision isn’t.

So he’s failing as a dad.

What a hero 😂

90k isn’t what it used to be but he needs to dig a little deeper.

Of course I'm for real. There's 2 parents. Why on earth shouldn't they do absolutely equal amounts of childcare if you think the finances should be absolutely equal?

Seriously? Pay them to do childcare, are you for real? If she doesn’t wish to parent this amount then she should discuss shared custody not ask to be paid for her efforts.

good lord.

Doing all the pick-ups and drop-offs doesn't necessarily mean you're compromising your earning potential, though.

I know OP says it is in her case, but the child support system needs to (broadly) work for everyone - they can't change it for every single set of circumstances ever to exist.

As a slight general aside to this particular situation...

A lot of people are saying the nrp should only be paying 50% with the rp also paying 50% of the child's costs. But surely the nrp should contribute far more than 50% financially to cover the fact that the RP is doing the vast majority of the child care?

If the RP is doing all drop offs/all pick ups etc, every evening and morning childcare etc, then the RPs ability to earn money is compromised whereas the NRPs isn't, so surely it wouldn't be a 50/50 financial split?

I think YABU.

He pays £900 a month. If your contribution is equal to his, that's £1800 a month, plus child benefit - surely that more than covers the nursery fees and any additional costs?

There's no way it's fair that he pays £900 plus another £800 for nursery!

I don't think I'd rock the boat because as PP states nursery costs are only for 3 or 4 years at the most and often less than this. If he's paying over CMS and buying her bits she needs too I'd bite my tongue. Maybe get him to buy her bigger gift at Xmas or pay half towards her Xmas stocking. Soon you'll get a government subsidy for nursery fees. He'll be paying a high amount of CMS until she's 18 or 19 or until leaves education.

But remember op, if you still get £950 a month from him till she's 18, then once she finishes nursery he will be paying far far far more than half her costs. So, whilst you could just about cling to an argument now, nursery costs are very short lived.

Seems okayish to me.

Was the table/chairs, sleeping bag actually needed though?

If not, I'd be looking at putting that towards nursery fees.

While its utterly completely rubbish that he is doing bare minimum parenting and has no impact on his career.

It is true that the direct extra costs of a small, nursery age child, apart from the nursery fees themselves, aren't that much.

£300 a month for food, activities, clothing for a nursery age children is a good amount.

He is not paying spousal maintenance for running your house. He is paying the cost of the child.

It would be a good idea to encourage him to actually do some parenting, pick up and drop off and overnights etc though. Separate from the money

I think that’s what she’s saying yes. But this is then covering her costs, not her child’s and she’d effectively be profiting from him.

his maintenance do cover half her costs and then some and she also gets child benefit.

so she earns 3600 a month after tax and gets 950 from him and 100 child benefit . So 4650 a month, giving her approx 3k left after nursery, and she would like that to be 4 basically.

it’s written in a confusing way.

Year op is unclear. So he is covering half the nursery fees plus £150 for food/clothing/nappies a month. Plus buying things as baby needs them..

Sorry yes I think yabu

However nursery is 1600 a month. I feel he should be paying half this and his maintenance.

So you want him to pay £1,750 a month? I don’t think that’s fair or reasonable. There’s no way your child’s costs, excluding childcare, come to £1,900 (ie 2 x £950), his maintenance should cover 50% of her costs.

It would be nice of him to pay 1/2 the nursery fees but legally he only has to pay whatever the maintenance calculator says. However it doesn’t look like he even has the child over night so let’s face it what parenting does he actually do? So as you do 95% of parenting it wouldn’t hurt him to pay.

I think in this kind of situation ultimately it pulls down to the kind of relationship you have a co parents. My brother and his ex wife split nursery fees on top of maintenance, co parent relationship is good and healthy.
My best friend his daughter lives with him and her mum won’t even provide shower gel for when she stays over just 2 x per month, her answer is you buy it out of the maintenance. Co parent relationship is rocky

He should do nursery pick ups and drop offs. Does he live close by?

He should know that without you paying for childcare for his child, he couldn't work and further his career!

What happens if child is ill? He's got no responsibility, it's ridiculous!

Thanks, Just updated my original comment as I realised after I posted what OP meant.

Sorry yes and child benefit. It seems you’ve 400 a month, a hundred a week for one child for additional costs like food?

This seems fair to me and I don’t see why someone is calling him tight.

he pays 950, you pay 950 that’s 1900, which is 300 for food and clothes etc which seems fine?

He pays £950 but sees it as a contribution of half the nursery costs and £150 for his half of the costs for DC so thinks it’s a fair amount. It is more than he needs to pay via CMS.

I’m confused how much a month he gives you? It says 950 in OP but 150 here? Or is this something else

edited to say I see now what you mean, he pays 950 a month but if you use half of that for nursery fees your left with 150 to feed the child. Yeh that seems fair then because you will also contribute to feeding the child aswel, (not sure if you get child benefit?) plus he buys things for the child on top of the maintenance. So yeh the arrangement seems fair