Who's right and who's wrong out of me and my husband?

I fear the OP is not coming back. I think she expected lots of agreement with her position!

Sounds as if you're married to Fudge. It can't be much hubby fun when doggy fun is trumps.

I have a really energetic dog breed so I understand wanting him to be at daycare so you can recover. However, I think a 2 hr drive daily is crazy - that's way too much for anyone (especially someone post surgery who isn't really fit enough to drive) hrtft but presumably your dh is sorting your children and looking after you. So I wouldn't be asking him to drive 2 hrs when he could walk the dog multiple times a day to keep fudge happy.

Yabvu to get back on the road 2 days post surgery when you're probably not well enough to cope with an emergency stop for example. That puts other road users at risk and is unfair especially since you know you don't feel ready. That in itself invalidates your insurance.

Provided your dh does actually walk the dog multiple times in the day then yabu.

I also don't think it would go down well if someone was expecting a SAHM to drive 2 hrs a day on top of everything else in this scenario just because she wasn't earning. It doesn't come across well op

If he said he would do it, then he should do it, so YANBU there.

However, I think it's very selfish to put other drivers and passengers at risk by driving when you feel 'tender and weak and barely recovered'. Wanting your dog to have fun is not an emergency.

Nah sorry you're being unreasonable. I have a hyper and sometimes in your face 3 year old pointer / beagle cross but she still sleeps about 12 hours a day and that's on one 30 walk (she is off lead and running pretty much constantly though so equivalent to 1-1.5hrs on a lead). 3 walks a day she'd be in heaven tbh. 95% of the time she's awake she's just laying down next to me. She would in no way bother me or disrupt my healing time, in fact she would be a comfort and companion to me.

If hubby gets stressed while driving, but has offered to take care of the dog whilst you're recovering, Perhaps are there other dog walkers you're friendly with in a local park ? Could DH perhaps walk him in the park and let him socialise with other dogs there, to give you some quiet at home while you recover?
Hope you're feeling better soon.
xx

i would call it major surgery - the internal
healing is the same regardless of how the organ is removed. Everyone's recovery is different, so I am sure ops experience of how she feels is legit , though so pleased your surgery was just a bit painful afterwards as that the best possible outcome, healing is a super power or fantastically high pain tolerance. 💪🏻💪🏻

Though totally agree about talking to the husband though before booking this especially as you know he hates to drive @SallyMcCarthy it's 2 hours a day all in with return .
you shouldn't drive for 48 hours after a general anaesthetic and then depending on your surgery possibly longer - I had a
laparoscopic hysterectomy but was still told to wait 4 weeks before driving : to check car insurers policy and to make sure I could do an emergency stop too , look after yourself you only get one recovery

You do know that if you have an accident, you would not be covered by insurance? Way too soon to be driving after anaesthetic.

Fudge going to his playdate

Yes it is rather a fuss about something not earth-shatteringly important.

I’m kind of vacillating: you’ve had an op and it doesnt sound as though DH has many other demands with the dv gone and Fudge able to be dropped at his social event so part of me thinks why not humour a recovering woman for five days. My DH used to drive quite far to get me a certain food when I had morning sickness.

However you did say you wanted Fudge to have fun and that seems to be the point of chauffeuring him , rather than you getting rest. Also YABU for driving : you’re either needing special treatment or you’re not .

So I’m a bit torn. The only thing I see clearly is Fudge is a bit over-indulged.

But he had already agreed to take the dog to daycare. So if he didn’t keep his promise on that why would you believe that he would keep his promise this time?

Yabu. I’d be with you if your husband hadn’t offered to look after the dog and if your dog day care wasn’t so far away!

I think he needs to be looking for a job.

How many SAHMs do you know who haven’t worked for 15 years? Most women are not only working but are also burdened with the lion’s share of childcare and household drudgery too and none of them would get away with finding any of it’too stressful’ either!

This. With bells on!

If the OP was the SAH parent, the majority of people on Mumsnet would say she shouldn't have to drive Fudge to doggie day care.

I doubt it, there’s another thread now where the OP, a SAHM, is being reprimanded for not wanting to do the all the childcare, all the housework and get a full time minimum wage job now her husband is done using her as a birthing machine and nanny for their children whilst he climbed up the legal career ladder.

What two intelligent people can't find a solution?
Your husband doesn't want to drive for 2hrs every day, while you recover, and because he's a nervous driver. So that option does not work.
So send your dog away to doggy daycare for a week. You know, like you do when you're on holiday.
Dog will have a nice time.
You can work.
Husband can carry on as normal.
Why was that so hard??????

Who is going to look after the dog while the DH goes to work in a low-paid job all week?

YABU

I'm with you OP.

I'm sure you don't think you own your DH or his time just because you're the sole earner, as others seem to think.

However, doing you that one favour wouldn't harm him. And I'd say this if it was the other way around.

And it's not as if it's 2 hours straight...it's either 4 lots of 30 mins or 2 lots of 1 hour, whichever way you decide to look at it. Which is nothing in the grand scheme! And for 4 or 5 days!

If the OP was the SAH parent, the majority of people on Mumsnet would say she shouldn't have to drive Fudge to doggie day care.

A few people have said this ‘if it was a woman’ thing. OP said the children became adults six years ago. If I had a friend who claimed to be a SAHM to a 24 year old I’d be saying wtf are you doing?? Also OP says he agreed to do it, he then backtracked.

Exactly. This thread has turned into a perfect example of MN double standards

Your husband is unbelievably selfish, I'd tell him to get a job now, because I want to stay home now!

If the OP was the SAH parent, the majority of people on Mumsnet would say she shouldn't have to drive Fudge to doggie day care.

So long as DH keeps to his word and walks Fudge several times a day, OP can recover perfectly well. Fudge can survive without his friends for a week or so.

So your husband doesn’t work but you do, he won’t take the dog to daycare? Do you have kids? Does he drop them at nursery/school? What difference is it? Sorry call me old fashioned but if one partner doesn’t work because the other does then to me the one that doesn’t work should be doing all the house work / drop offs / running round / general running of the house etc. If my partner told me I could quit my job and he would provide for us both, id be happy to do everything else which involves the day to day running of our home life, he’s lazy