Who's right and who's wrong out of me and my husband?

Thanks so much for feedback everyone! A couple of people have suggested I'm not replying because I expected more people to be on my side. Nothing could be further from the truth! I actually would love it if everyone thought I was being unreasonable -- because I'm the only one in this scenario whose behaviour/attitudes I can change. I'm thrilled that so many people think my husband is being perfectly reasonable. Also, I've had lots of huge psychological insights - things I didn't realise were true, like: yes, of course it would be fine for husband to look after Fudge at home if I believed husband would do this in a way that enabled me resting. (I don't. Husband tends to stroll off and do whatever he fancies, and there could easily be a situation where eg Fudge leapt on me enthusiastically and hurt me, or started chewing something he shouldn't, and I'd have to run across the room to stop him because husband would be off somewhere doing whatever he wanted.) So, my thought is: 'If Fudge is here, let's face it, I'll be the one he's with whenever husband isn't walking him, and stuff will happen, and I will have to leap out of a chair or risk him eating something he shouldn't.' Husband is prepared to walk F three times but not, crucially, to say 'Don't worry - you rest and I'll be the one on Fudge duty all day.'

A couple of factual points people have asked about: husband hasn't worked professionally since about 2009. My work brings in more than enough money, so he didn't need to. I love my work, so we were both quite happy with the idea that we both got to spend our time doing pretty much what we want (except for me that was my career and for him that was his hobbies - golf, running, and now he's doing a bit of graphic design stuff online.) I'm v happy with this when I'm feeling strong and fine.

Husband doesn't hate driving that much. He recently went on a lads trip to the lake district with old uni mates and drove for 6 hours there and back without a single complaint. He isn't at all anxious about driving - he just finds it a mild pain when he'd rather be on his computer or out running.

I have this possibly unreasonable thought (I'm actually okay with being unreasonable here, believe it or not): 'Thanks to my work happening - by lucky chance - to become very successful and popular, you've been able to basically do exactly what you want, all day every day, since 2009. No school run, ever - kids got a bus to school and back from outside our house. Yes, you cook dinner sometimes, but so do I, and very often we eat out or get takeaway. You are one of the most free, lucky and indulged people on the planet. For one week, yes, you should be willing to do this just because I want it done.' My Ideal Husband would want me to have the recovery-from-surgery that I wanted, without worries about dog responsibilities, and would have made that happen. (I'm not leaving my husband - in many ways I love being married to him - he's funny, interesting, clever and we get on brilliantly when I'm on good form. But there's no denying that he is - in my humble opinion - a bloody selfish git. If I were starting again from scratch, I might prioritise trying to find a husband who had kindness, chivalry and considerateness as key qualities.

Laparoscopic gallbladder removal is not major abdominal surgery!!! Although, it is a bit painful afterwards. Why didn't you ask DH before you booked doggy day care? 30 minutes there and back twice a day is a lot, if unnecessary. Does the dog usually go to daycare? I seriously can't imagine booking our dog into daycare if my DH was happy to look after it whilst I recovered.

I agree with your husband, I couldn’t be bothered to sit in the traffic either to take a dog to daycare, you have to be joking right. I don’t like the way you gone on about your husband not working either, he sacrificed his career to be there for the kids and you are disrespecting him for it? How ungrateful. Get a grip OP, it’s just a dog! DH has offered a perfectly reasonable alternative.

A lot can be! I feel for the OP.
Just ran this past hubby and he agrees with OP - thinks it’s incredibly selfish and a small ask - the fact he doesn’t work is even irrelevant - if they were both working and she’s had surgery he skills want to help do whatever to help her whilst she recovers

So your husband would be in the car for 2 hours a day driving a dog back & fourth to play? Sounds way OTT to me personally OP. Save your money & let hubby look after the dog.

@Nothing7 that’s men for you, they are all selfish.

It’s not forever it’s for 4-5 days and op is recovering from surgery. If he cared enough he wouldn’t hesitate to take 4-5 days out of 365 days of a year to help out his wife.
The OP has stated the kids at school age got a bus to school and they are now grown adults - so he didn’t give up a huge amount because school age he didn’t get a job within school hours and now he hasn’t got a job. And the OP had also mentioned that he likely won’t stick to his alternative agreement like he hasn’t stuck to the agreement that he’d do these 4-5 days.
Sounds very selfish

I agree with your husband, I couldn’t be bothered to sit in the traffic either to take a dog to daycare, you have to be joking right. I don’t like the way you gone on about your husband not working either, he sacrificed his career to be there for the kids and you are disrespecting him for it? How ungrateful. Get a grip OP, it’s just a dog! DH has offered a perfectly reasonable alternative.

Thanks so much for feedback everyone! A couple of people have suggested I'm not replying because I expected more people to be on my side. Nothing could be further from the truth! I actually would love it if everyone thought I was being unreasonable -- because I'm the only one in this scenario whose behaviour/attitudes I can change. I'm thrilled that so many people think my husband is being perfectly reasonable. Also, I've had lots of huge psychological insights - things I didn't realise were true, like: yes, of course it would be fine for husband to look after Fudge at home if I believed husband would do this in a way that enabled me resting. (I don't. Husband tends to stroll off and do whatever he fancies, and there could easily be a situation where eg Fudge leapt on me enthusiastically and hurt me, or started chewing something he shouldn't, and I'd have to run across the room to stop him because husband would be off somewhere doing whatever he wanted.) So, my thought is: 'If Fudge is here, let's face it, I'll be the one he's with whenever husband isn't walking him, and stuff will happen, and I will have to leap out of a chair or risk him eating something he shouldn't.' Husband is prepared to walk F three times but not, crucially, to say 'Don't worry - you rest and I'll be the one on Fudge duty all day.'

A couple of factual points people have asked about: husband hasn't worked professionally since about 2009. My work brings in more than enough money, so he didn't need to. I love my work, so we were both quite happy with the idea that we both got to spend our time doing pretty much what we want (except for me that was my career and for him that was his hobbies - golf, running, and now he's doing a bit of graphic design stuff online.) I'm v happy with this when I'm feeling strong and fine.

Husband doesn't hate driving that much. He recently went on a lads trip to the lake district with old uni mates and drove for 6 hours there and back without a single complaint. He isn't at all anxious about driving - he just finds it a mild pain when he'd rather be on his computer or out running.

I have this possibly unreasonable thought (I'm actually okay with being unreasonable here, believe it or not): 'Thanks to my work happening - by lucky chance - to become very successful and popular, you've been able to basically do exactly what you want, all day every day, since 2009. No school run, ever - kids got a bus to school and back from outside our house. Yes, you cook dinner sometimes, but so do I, and very often we eat out or get takeaway. You are one of the most free, lucky and indulged people on the planet. For one week, yes, you should be willing to do this just because I want it done.' My Ideal Husband would want me to have the recovery-from-surgery that I wanted, without worries about dog responsibilities, and would have made that happen. (I'm not leaving my husband - in many ways I love being married to him - he's funny, interesting, clever and we get on brilliantly when I'm on good form. But there's no denying that he is - in my humble opinion - a bloody selfish git. If I were starting again from scratch, I might prioritise trying to find a husband who had kindness, chivalry and considerateness as key qualities.

Thanks so much for feedback everyone! A couple of people have suggested I'm not replying because I expected more people to be on my side. Nothing could be further from the truth! I actually would love it if everyone thought I was being unreasonable -- because I'm the only one in this scenario whose behaviour/attitudes I can change. I'm thrilled that so many people think my husband is being perfectly reasonable. Also, I've had lots of huge psychological insights - things I didn't realise were true, like: yes, of course it would be fine for husband to look after Fudge at home if I believed husband would do this in a way that enabled me resting. (I don't. Husband tends to stroll off and do whatever he fancies, and there could easily be a situation where eg Fudge leapt on me enthusiastically and hurt me, or started chewing something he shouldn't, and I'd have to run across the room to stop him because husband would be off somewhere doing whatever he wanted.) So, my thought is: 'If Fudge is here, let's face it, I'll be the one he's with whenever husband isn't walking him, and stuff will happen, and I will have to leap out of a chair or risk him eating something he shouldn't.' Husband is prepared to walk F three times but not, crucially, to say 'Don't worry - you rest and I'll be the one on Fudge duty all day.'

A couple of factual points people have asked about: husband hasn't worked professionally since about 2009. My work brings in more than enough money, so he didn't need to. I love my work, so we were both quite happy with the idea that we both got to spend our time doing pretty much what we want (except for me that was my career and for him that was his hobbies - golf, running, and now he's doing a bit of graphic design stuff online.) I'm v happy with this when I'm feeling strong and fine.

Husband doesn't hate driving that much. He recently went on a lads trip to the lake district with old uni mates and drove for 6 hours there and back without a single complaint. He isn't at all anxious about driving - he just finds it a mild pain when he'd rather be on his computer or out running.

I have this possibly unreasonable thought (I'm actually okay with being unreasonable here, believe it or not): 'Thanks to my work happening - by lucky chance - to become very successful and popular, you've been able to basically do exactly what you want, all day every day, since 2009. No school run, ever - kids got a bus to school and back from outside our house. Yes, you cook dinner sometimes, but so do I, and very often we eat out or get takeaway. You are one of the most free, lucky and indulged people on the planet. For one week, yes, you should be willing to do this just because I want it done.' My Ideal Husband would want me to have the recovery-from-surgery that I wanted, without worries about dog responsibilities, and would have made that happen. (I'm not leaving my husband - in many ways I love being married to him - he's funny, interesting, clever and we get on brilliantly when I'm on good form. But there's no denying that he is - in my humble opinion - a bloody selfish git. If I were starting again from scratch, I might prioritise trying to find a husband who had kindness, chivalry and considerateness as key qualities.

Thanks so much for feedback everyone! A couple of people have suggested I'm not replying because I expected more people to be on my side. Nothing could be further from the truth! I actually would love it if everyone thought I was being unreasonable -- because I'm the only one in this scenario whose behaviour/attitudes I can change. I'm thrilled that so many people think my husband is being perfectly reasonable. Also, I've had lots of huge psychological insights - things I didn't realise were true, like: yes, of course it would be fine for husband to look after Fudge at home if I believed husband would do this in a way that enabled me resting. (I don't. Husband tends to stroll off and do whatever he fancies, and there could easily be a situation where eg Fudge leapt on me enthusiastically and hurt me, or started chewing something he shouldn't, and I'd have to run across the room to stop him because husband would be off somewhere doing whatever he wanted.) So, my thought is: 'If Fudge is here, let's face it, I'll be the one he's with whenever husband isn't walking him, and stuff will happen, and I will have to leap out of a chair or risk him eating something he shouldn't.' Husband is prepared to walk F three times but not, crucially, to say 'Don't worry - you rest and I'll be the one on Fudge duty all day.'

A couple of factual points people have asked about: husband hasn't worked professionally since about 2009. My work brings in more than enough money, so he didn't need to. I love my work, so we were both quite happy with the idea that we both got to spend our time doing pretty much what we want (except for me that was my career and for him that was his hobbies - golf, running, and now he's doing a bit of graphic design stuff online.) I'm v happy with this when I'm feeling strong and fine.

Husband doesn't hate driving that much. He recently went on a lads trip to the lake district with old uni mates and drove for 6 hours there and back without a single complaint. He isn't at all anxious about driving - he just finds it a mild pain when he'd rather be on his computer or out running.

I have this possibly unreasonable thought (I'm actually okay with being unreasonable here, believe it or not): 'Thanks to my work happening - by lucky chance - to become very successful and popular, you've been able to basically do exactly what you want, all day every day, since 2009. No school run, ever - kids got a bus to school and back from outside our house. Yes, you cook dinner sometimes, but so do I, and very often we eat out or get takeaway. You are one of the most free, lucky and indulged people on the planet. For one week, yes, you should be willing to do this just because I want it done.' My Ideal Husband would want me to have the recovery-from-surgery that I wanted, without worries about dog responsibilities, and would have made that happen. (I'm not leaving my husband - in many ways I love being married to him - he's funny, interesting, clever and we get on brilliantly when I'm on good form. But there's no denying that he is - in my humble opinion - a bloody selfish git. If I were starting again from scratch, I might prioritise trying to find a husband who had kindness, chivalry and considerateness as key qualities.

I had major abdominal surgery 2 days ago (gall bladder removal, laparoscopic surgery), and I'm now recovering at home. Knowing I was going to be having the surgery, I booked my dog into Doggy Daycare for every day between now and 22 April. My dog, Fudge, absolutely adores going to daycare. It's a wonderful place and he loves romping around with the other dogs - it's his favourite thing to do. So, I thought: I'll book him in every day for four/five hours, so I'll be able to have a calm house to recover in, and he can be having fun at daycare. I assumed my husband would be willing to drive Fudge to and from the daycare facility. For context: my husband hates being 'stuck in the car'. He finds driving stressful, whereas I love it. Doggy Daycare is a 30 minute drive from our house. While I was in hospital, my husband messaged me and said, 'The traffic was really bad this morning when I was taking Fudge to daycare, so from tomorrow onwards, I'm not going to take him. I'll just look after him at home, it's fine -- I'll take him for walks two or three times a day.' Now, Fudge totally would be fine, but he'd also be a bit bored. His favourite fun is going to play with the other dogs. He has such a wonderful time. And I very much want to recover gently from my operation and ideally do some work too (I have a backlog waiting for me, once I have enough energy) and it would be so much harder for me if there were a bouncy bored dog in the house all day during this period. Another thing, for context, is that I am the sole breadwinner. I earn a lot of money, and my husband hasn't worked for about 15 years (he gave up his job to be at home with the kids because my job required constant travel in those days.)

So, I said to him, 'Listen, I really really want a quiet house so I can work, and for Fudge to go to daycare. Please, please will you drive him there and back while I recover? Just for maybe five days, and then I should be strong enough to drive him myself.' And my husband said no. He said he didn't mind having Fudge at home and would far rather that, and walk him several times, than take him to daycare with all the driving involved. And I just wanted Fudge to have the most fun possible, and for me to have the quiet time I craved too...so I ended up driving Fudge to and from daycare yesterday, the actual day after my abdominal surgery. And I drove him there again today, and will pick him up this afternoon - even though I feel tender and weak and barely recovered. Husband sees me doing this and still doesn't say, 'Look if it means that much to you, I'll drive him there and back.' Am I being unreasonable to think he should just have driven the dog to day care for the days I can't do it?