Who's right and who's wrong out of me and my husband?

I'm sorry but I just can't get past the whole "fudge going to see his friends" part.
I know you say you are well off, so I understand that it's not a great expense to you, but it's just funny and I'm wondering if he also attend dog school for training and what other fulfilling activities he does. I'm starting to realise that some dogs have busier social lives than me😬

If he agreed to it then he should do it. Even if it is a bit bonkers.

They don't need a dog sitter- he has said he will care for the dog! It's not a requirement for dogs have to go to day care and hang out with their mates everyday.
Your attitude of "it's all my money and I will allow you pocket money and deduct from it as I see fit if you don't do as I tell you" a very nasty and abusive mindset.

Why isn't he working?

This real?? 😂🐶

Yanbu to want a calm environment- don't drive and risk your health though. Is your husband otherwise supportive and kind or is this just part of an overall pattern of rubbish behaviour?

What does your husband do all day, as the dc are grown up, you must have a spotless house ! and 3 home cooked meals a day :) and an immaculate manicured garden.

very kind of him to offer to walk the dog a couple of times a day...( not ! )

The thing with being a sahp is that you can't always just walk back into a decent job when you've spent so much time out of the workplace. And it's wrong for the wohp to decide, once they've already received all the benefit of having a sah spouse, that the arrangement no longer suits. Different in a person could just walk back into work with no disadvantage, but the damage is done by that point.

I do think that if IP had said that dh agreed, the responses would be different.

@Rickrolypoly I'm financially abusive because I think someone can spend their own money on a dogsitter?
And why can't the husband do more, unless he's disabled or the kids are preschool?

She did ask. He agreed.

I'm not team husband! He saw her driving when she wasn't well - he hasn't got anything else to do but didn't tell her to get to bed and that he'd take care of things - as he'd promised to do.

OP, you have money and a husband who's not nice to you. You have options.

Regardless of whether he agreed to it he has now clearly seen that its ridiculous to spend 2 hours driving for no purpose when he could just walk the dog. He's thought better of the agreement, the cost isn't an issue so he's changed his mind.
I also don't understand why you need the dog out of the house to do your work, what does the dog do that will disrupt your recovery.

"It really doesn't matter! His time doesn't belong to the OP to direct. He's not staff!"

I think it does matter. Obviously she shouldn't be directing him. But if it's something he can do to help her recovery, then surely he should do it? To be loving and supportive?

Team husband here. YABU

You didnt know that the kids were grown up when you posted though.

Anyway, it can be hard when a person devotes most of their working life to rearing children to then just walk back into employment. Again, you dont know their personal family dynamic and perhaps they are happy with it.

Team husband here.
You should have asked if he’d be willing to drive two hours so the dog can have fun 😳 tbh, it sounds as if you didn’t ask because you knew he’d say no (as any normal person would).
Secondly, YAB extremely U to drive straight after abdominal surgery. Seriously, you could kill someone, or injure yourself badly. Extremely selfish of you.
Let your husband look after the dog, and either rest in bed, or go and stay with someone else while you recuperate.

Your dog sounds like a nightmare if he can't sit around despite a few walks. Your DH sounds fine.

Well I think you would have got different answers if you said that he agreed to it!

But in any case, you should not be martyring yourself driving the dog to day care when your husband has offered a very suitable alternative which means that you can achieve what you need to.

Yes, it's a lot of driving, but it's also 5 days of doing something that would help OP recover well and happily. It doesn't seem like that big a request.

"But the fact you are the breadwinner (has he got disabilities and the relevant benefits if unable to work?) if not it means you should take the dog's extra costs out of his 'pocket money'."

Are you fucking mad? That's not how sahp works. The OP was very happy with him sah so she could be free to pursue her career, she doesn't get to cut off money because he doesn't jump to attention on her say so. That's called abuse!

The kids are grown up! We don’t know what else he’s doing but he’s not looking after them! 😂

The OP has said what she needs in order to be looked after, and he’s not doing that either and instead happily sees her do the drive instead.

You could stop at 1. He agreed to do it.

I'd add that most of point 3 is also irrelevant. He agreed to do it, therefore he should. The life you've provided him with was your choice and shouldn't be used afterwards as blackmail. Hopefully he is a bit grateful for it though.

you said in your OP that you assumed you husband would do it and now you are saying that he agreed?

You both sound like a pair of whiny wet lettuces making a fuss about nothing. But overall I'm Team DH.