Who's right and who's wrong out of me and my husband?

You said you wanted peace to recover and work, but when your husband offered to take the dog out instead, you drove for two hours to daycare and back hindering your recovery, presumably not working, and potentially putting other road users at risk.

You want your dog to have an extra good time at the expense of your husband not stressing. Your husband won't suck up driving for a few days to help you out post surgerry. You both sound pretty hard to live with tbh. Do you often do things for each other or is everything a struggle? And if you're rich, wouldn't a taxi have been an option?

I was just about to type something similar.

No way would anyone think a stay at home mum should drive a dog around for two hours a day just so the husband could recover, especially if said SAHM was offering to walk the dog three times a day instead.

We are very well off as a result of my work

Your DH may well be a lazy sod, and leeching off you - in which case why stay with him?

If he's not a lazy sod leeching off you, why say this? It's not relevant to your question. You've only been able to earn what you earn because he was at home. You denigrate him with your every post.

In any event, it turns out you were asking the wrong question in your OP. What you really wanted to ask was "is my DH being unreasonable reneging on agreeing to do something twice a day for 5 days because the first time he did it he got stuck in traffic?". That would have garnered you very different, and probably more favourable replies.

But there's no reason for him to go to daycare other than OP thinking he'd be bored at home. It's not an essential.

There's absolutely no way I'd be driving my dog around for two hours a day just because DH was having surgery and wanted him to "romp around with other dogs".

I do think he should never have agreed to it in the first place, though.

Clearly this isn’t about your recovery, or you wouldn’t be driving. It’s about you wanting the dog to do the activities he prefers.

I get it. I over-meet my pets’ needs and feel awful if they’re not getting max enjoyment, all the time, but I do think a minimum 2 hour round trip per day is a bit nuts, particularly when the alternative is going for several walks.

Team husband. Sounds like a big lot of fuss for no real reason. If I was recovering I'd want my dog near me as he has a calming influence. Has your dog not been trained?

Would you say the same the other way round?

Wife gave up working to look after kids so that husband could continue his career and earn big bucks. Children now grown up but wife hasn’t needed to go back to work.
Husband recovering from surgery demands that wife drives two hours per day so that dog can play with its friends, even though husband knows wife doesn’t like driving. Wife has said she’ll give the dog extra walks and keep it out of the way so that husband can recover. But apparently that’s not good enough and the wife should be doing unnecessary driving because that’s what the husband wants and she doesn’t work.

I can't get my head round the #teamhusband here.

OP has had surgery. She would like her dog to go to daycare whilst she recovers. Her husband does not work. He agreed to do it. He should be doing it.

And all this pearl clutching about him being in the car for two hours. It's two hours, no two days 🙄

OP LTB

I'm team DH, I'm afraid.

Your dog doesn't need to go to daycare if he has two adults at home for company - one of whom isn't working/recovering and is happy to take him for several walks a day.

No dog should be bored on three walks a day with unlimited company - if mine couldn't settle at home without hours of daycare, I'd be wondering where my training had gone so wrong, to be quite honest.

You were unreasonable (and probably unsafe) driving to Doggy Daycare - 30 minutes away must be 2 hours driving every day. When you have recovered a bit and feel able to do some work then you might need to revisit whether Fudge is preventing you working at home. Or if an active dog is slowing your recovery you can address his exercise with your DH. Just get well before you try driving again.

Being loving and supportive doesn’t mean being obliged to drive for an hour twice a day so that the doggy can play with his friends because the op wants her precious pet to “have fun”. Husband has said he will walk the dog and keep it out of the way so that op can recover, that’s what she actually needs.

Sounds like your pampered husband has sod all else to do all day so he should take the dog to daycare like he agreed to.
Honestly, reading this has really pissed me off. He’s a selfish git.

sorry about the gif, no idea how that got there😂

My thoughts exactly!

I am forcibly unemployed as we have relocated to another continent for DH work (I'm not 'allowed' by embassy to work)So, for 2 years, cooking, cleaning, chores etc are on me, as I don't work! DH will try to do the dishes & I shoo him away as he's been at work & I haven't! He gets paid an "allowance" which in turn gets given to me for the "inconvenience " of me not being able to work. So I'm darn well going to make his life as easy as possible.

I would never have done that journey (wouldn't have agreed to do it in the first place)
Would have happily looked after the dog.

And if, as a couple they are ok with the arrangements re working, then that's up to them

As you're so affluent, just call a cab for the dog.

Team OP

Has your husband been sitting on his ass while you have been driving the dog to and from daycare? This would give me the biggest ick.

He's had years of leisurely pottering around since the kids have gone, and he can't be bothered to inconvenience himself for less than a week.

I am astounded how women end up & stay with, men like this. He doesn't work! Ick for starters (sorry). But he can't put himself out for a few days whist his wife recovers? Jesus wept. The poor darling finds driving stressful. Does he also need someone to tie his shoelaces?

I'm a stay at home mum ,due to kids with SEN ,who have their education at home ,so I'm with the kids 24/7
I do everything I can to make my DH life easier, because he is the breadwinner.
Your DH is selfish and taking you for granted
He needs to have a job
How can he have any self worth taking your money for doing Nothing

I don't understand why it's so important doggy gets to play with his friends now, if that's not his usual routine.

I think you're ridiculous OP. After abdominal surgery you wouldn't reliably have the muscle strength for an emergency stop or to control your car if it went into a skid. You could have killed someone. For what it's worth, if I were your H I'd have refused too. A SAHP is not paid staff to fulfil your every whim and being the bread winner doesn't buy you the right to dictate. If you want him to get a job tell him, don't hold your financial power over him as leverage for your demands.

I don’t understand why having a dog in the house would be such an issue for your recovery, unless it’s out of control/constantly jumps up/is untrained?

Even if your DH initially agreed, once he’d done it for a day (driving for 2 hours!) and got stuck in traffic I can completely understand him thinking ‘what’s the point in this when I can just look after the dog myself and take it for extra walks at home’

@SallyMcCarthy Well if he had previously agreed, then I change my vote!
However, it’s actually only 4/5 days. It’s probably not a bridge either of you should die on. Let it go, he hates driving, you’re feeling vulnerable…..

Bit of a dick move for him to just casually watch you driving around while you're trying to recover buuttt I find it really strange that you booked your dog in to doggy day care for like 4 or 5 hours a day, for over 2 weeks, even though your husband is literally... at home... and has no job so is more than capable of looking after it and you just expected him to do a 2 hour car journey each day anyway, even though you know he's not a very comfortable driver...

I think YABU OP

@CurlewKate she doesn't need him to do this to help her recovery - she just needs for the dog to be looked after and walked, which he's said he will do. She just hasn't given him the opportunity because she thinks the dog having fun at daycare is more important.

But if he did agree to do it, then I think he ought to stand by that.
I don't think he's necessarily horrible because he resisted being manipulated into driving by the OP deciding to do it herself after surgery. That's on her and was a stupid thing to do.

Sounds like poor communication between you but if your dp agreed to drive the dog for a few days then he should do it.