Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who's right and who's wrong out of me and my husband?

462 replies

SallyMcCarthy · 11/04/2024 15:14

I had major abdominal surgery 2 days ago (gall bladder removal, laparoscopic surgery), and I'm now recovering at home. Knowing I was going to be having the surgery, I booked my dog into Doggy Daycare for every day between now and 22 April. My dog, Fudge, absolutely adores going to daycare. It's a wonderful place and he loves romping around with the other dogs - it's his favourite thing to do. So, I thought: I'll book him in every day for four/five hours, so I'll be able to have a calm house to recover in, and he can be having fun at daycare. I assumed my husband would be willing to drive Fudge to and from the daycare facility. For context: my husband hates being 'stuck in the car'. He finds driving stressful, whereas I love it. Doggy Daycare is a 30 minute drive from our house. While I was in hospital, my husband messaged me and said, 'The traffic was really bad this morning when I was taking Fudge to daycare, so from tomorrow onwards, I'm not going to take him. I'll just look after him at home, it's fine -- I'll take him for walks two or three times a day.' Now, Fudge totally would be fine, but he'd also be a bit bored. His favourite fun is going to play with the other dogs. He has such a wonderful time. And I very much want to recover gently from my operation and ideally do some work too (I have a backlog waiting for me, once I have enough energy) and it would be so much harder for me if there were a bouncy bored dog in the house all day during this period. Another thing, for context, is that I am the sole breadwinner. I earn a lot of money, and my husband hasn't worked for about 15 years (he gave up his job to be at home with the kids because my job required constant travel in those days.)

So, I said to him, 'Listen, I really really want a quiet house so I can work, and for Fudge to go to daycare. Please, please will you drive him there and back while I recover? Just for maybe five days, and then I should be strong enough to drive him myself.' And my husband said no. He said he didn't mind having Fudge at home and would far rather that, and walk him several times, than take him to daycare with all the driving involved. And I just wanted Fudge to have the most fun possible, and for me to have the quiet time I craved too...so I ended up driving Fudge to and from daycare yesterday, the actual day after my abdominal surgery. And I drove him there again today, and will pick him up this afternoon - even though I feel tender and weak and barely recovered. Husband sees me doing this and still doesn't say, 'Look if it means that much to you, I'll drive him there and back.' Am I being unreasonable to think he should just have driven the dog to day care for the days I can't do it?

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 11/04/2024 19:24

ThisNoisyTealLurker · 11/04/2024 19:17

I truly don’t understand some of the replies on here. Her husband is being completely unreasonable. He’s not working so why can’t he do this one thing to make her life easier?

Would you really spend two hours a day driving a dog to daycare when you could just...walk it?

Rosscameasdoody · 11/04/2024 19:22

I had my gall bladder removed by laparoscopic surgery, was home the next day and back at work a week later. It’s a small incision and isn’t considered major abdominal surgery. Don’t drive until you feel able and if you’re at home there’s nothing stopping you keeping the dog entertained yourself.

Slipperfairy · 11/04/2024 19:21

2 hours of driving day so the dog can play with his friends?
It's annoying enough that my drive to work is roughly that! I wouldn't be wasting petrol money on a jolly for a dog.

ThisNoisyTealLurker · 11/04/2024 19:17

I truly don’t understand some of the replies on here. Her husband is being completely unreasonable. He’s not working so why can’t he do this one thing to make her life easier?

Foreverhope1 · 11/04/2024 19:16

Sounds all very far fetched .......

Sheknowsaboutme · 11/04/2024 19:15

Haven’t read all but im confused. OP says she wants a quiet house to recover, then wants a quiet house to work.

which is it?

EverybodyLTB · 11/04/2024 19:15

Your kids are adults, and he’s still a house husband? Fudge would be the least of my issues with this. What on earth does he do all day?

Whatifthehokeycokey · 11/04/2024 19:13

Surely there is a compromise here, where Fudge can go and see other dogs once a week or something? Or maybe a couple of times per week but not everyday.

Fannyfiggs · 11/04/2024 19:13

Owl55 · 11/04/2024 19:09

Your dog is obviously more important than your husband!

What's your point?

😂

Fannyfiggs · 11/04/2024 19:12

Letstrythatagaineh · 11/04/2024 19:02

This.
It's a dog, not your child.

Doesn't matter if it's a child, a hamster or a dog.

OP wanted the dog to go to daycare, husband agreed. The dog would be happy and OP would be happy. Everyone is happy and then husband decides he doesn't want to do it so now no-one is happy.

Husband is being a dick.

Owl55 · 11/04/2024 19:09

Your dog is obviously more important than your husband!

Roserunner · 11/04/2024 19:09

I think if he's prepared to take full responsibility for the dog while your work then he's not being unreasonable, it's a lot of driving but as an owner of a puppy I can see why it's calmer and more relaxing to have him at doggy daycare.

Have you asked doggy daycare if they do pick ups and drop offs? Ours does as they do dog walking too so have a van going out and about each day. It is extra but not a lot.

Fannyfiggs · 11/04/2024 19:09

UrbanFan · 11/04/2024 18:49

I skim read all the responses and decided to post my answer. Your husband is a lazy dick. Get in the car and take the doggy to doggy car! He's got nothing else to do but bludge of his wife. He's willing to be supported by you but not do this simple thing.

I'm sorry but I have no time for people (men, women or undecided) who expect others to support them and then won't do a simple favour in return.

Yes, 100% agree! Husband is being a lazy, selfish dick.

AmethystSparkles · 11/04/2024 19:08

You work and provide for your DH financially while he does nothing, and he can’t even be bothered to do this for you?

I do think that it would be better for your DH to look after your dog while you hide in your room but the point is that he agreed to do it and he certainly shouldn’t have let you drive. That’s not what a loving partner does.

DoreenonTill8 · 11/04/2024 19:07

GreenHome · 11/04/2024 18:59

You are right
LTB

Yep leave him an mn will be on his side to get at LEAST 50% of all assets plus majority of any pension you have from working in the successful job you could never have managed on your own with out him there holding the household together.. won't they?
.

Malo05 · 11/04/2024 19:04

If your husband agreed to this prior to your surgery then he shouldn't have went back on this understanding.

I also think it's pretty shit to watch you struggle to drive Fudge to doggy daycare but you really shouldn't be driving so soon. It takes a good 48hrs for some anaesthetics to wear off and you will have been advised that no driving or operating any heavy machinery for x amount of days (not suggesting you're a fork lift driver btw 😉)

Fudge (love the name, imagining a chocolate lab or a spaniel)

LavenderPup · 11/04/2024 19:03

Told my DH this and he said what a lazy sod OP should bomb him out.

Letstrythatagaineh · 11/04/2024 19:02

Alwaysalwayscold · 11/04/2024 15:25

YABU.

You shouldn't have booked the dog in under the assumption that he would do 2 hours of driving a day.

Bringing up finances is irrelevant. Do you always use that against him?

This.
It's a dog, not your child.

CommentNow · 11/04/2024 19:01

You are mad driving the day after surgery.

You were also unreasonable to book the dog into daycare and expect your husband to do 2 hours of driving a day without wben speaking to him and asking him first.

Completely unfair. Throwing your salary around makes you sound like you think you own him.

Show him some respect and a) talk to him like an equal or b) work put and deal with the real problem.

I hope you feel better soon though.

GreenHome · 11/04/2024 18:59

You are right
LTB

BrummieCahoots · 11/04/2024 18:58

You are being super unreasonable... no chance I'd be driving a dog to daycare to see its mates

Computercalendar · 11/04/2024 18:56

Most daycares offer pick up and drop off. Could you do this and pay bit extra for it?

fieldsofbutterflies · 11/04/2024 18:56

UrbanFan · 11/04/2024 18:49

I skim read all the responses and decided to post my answer. Your husband is a lazy dick. Get in the car and take the doggy to doggy car! He's got nothing else to do but bludge of his wife. He's willing to be supported by you but not do this simple thing.

I'm sorry but I have no time for people (men, women or undecided) who expect others to support them and then won't do a simple favour in return.

Where does it say he "expected her to support him?"

In fact, OP says herself she needed him at home while she was away working Hmm

ChildcareQ · 11/04/2024 18:56

ChildcareQ · 11/04/2024 18:54

This is the most batshit post I've read on here for a while. 2hrs driving to take a dog to daycare he doesn't need to go to? So weird.

I should say I mean generally. Not specifically in this instance.

fieldsofbutterflies · 11/04/2024 18:55

TeaGinandFags · 11/04/2024 18:43

He has simply refused the take the dog.

Without discussing the matter.

And? The dog doesn't need to go to daycare.

He has two adults at home with him - one of whom has said they'll take him for multiple walks a day.