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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be offended if your Bil picked you up?

318 replies

Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 15:12

If you were flying to visit your sister on your own with your kids to another country. Would you be offended if her other half came to pick you up at the airport and drop you at your hotel?
Reason being, it’s at night and your sister is doing bedtime with their dc, would this bother you? Or would you expect your sister to be the one to come?
They will see each other the next morning

OP posts:
elizzza · 11/04/2024 23:00

Your DH picking her up is absolutely fine, wouldn’t bother me at all. But why would you only see her the next morning, what time will they get in? Can’t you wait up?

RazzberryGem · 11/04/2024 22:57

Not remotely offensive, no

Codlingmoths · 11/04/2024 22:48

My Dh always does the airport pickups, it’s a good 40 min drive and he’s much better at that than me.

TubeScreamer · 11/04/2024 22:45

Of course not. I’d just be grateful for the lift.

Anonymous2025 · 11/04/2024 22:31

Off course not

AGoingConcern · 11/04/2024 22:31

This is one of those cases where it matters who's asking the question & whose preference this is.

After your update - you're being entirely reasonable to send your husband. It would be nice to set aside some other time for a 1-1 catchup with your sister during the visit (a walk perhaps, or go out for a pedicure with her and your mum) but otherwise do what works best for your family in the situation.

If you were really wanting to go pick up your sister and your husband were being an arse about managing bedtime then my response would be different.

Greenfluffycardi · 11/04/2024 22:13

Urm no! I wouldn’t care who picked me up .

Noseybookworm · 11/04/2024 22:10

Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 17:43

@StormySpanielz No backstory, I’m just a worrier and sensitive I suppose, so I’m wondering if she’ll be quietly upset if it’s not me picking her or will think I can’t be bothered, when it isn’t that at all. Is probably just me!

She's your sister, you know her best - do you think she'd be offended? Why not just text her and say 'Hey Sis, DH will pick you up from airport and drop you at the hotel as I'm getting DC to bed! Looking forward to see you all tomorrow!'

LlynTegid · 11/04/2024 22:05

I would not be offended, I'd like to be told before I travelled though so I know who to look out for.

category12 · 11/04/2024 21:51

Being grateful for a lift doesn't exclude being a bit disappointed that it's not your sister doing it.

MissSookieStackhouse · 11/04/2024 21:49

It wouldn’t occur to me to be offended in any way, I’d be grateful for a lift.

EconomyClassRockstar · 11/04/2024 21:48

My DH often picks up my side of the family as it's not a big detour from his commute home. If any of my family were upset by that, I'd just tell them to get an Uber next time. I can understand being disappointed about not seeing you until the next day though.

Westenra · 11/04/2024 21:48

Jsym · 11/04/2024 20:21

I’ve been married nearly 20 years, and my in laws have always disliked me and have said plenty of vile stuff about me behind my back. They came to visit us last summer (they live in another country) and stayed with us for over a month. My husband is a very different person in the presence of his parents. All the toxic male traits resurface and are on full display - he shuts down and does what he wants/they want with little to no regard of what I want or how I feel.
Given this, and the fact that I was living under the same roof as them for such an extended period for the first time - my husband and I got into an argument one weekend. Things escalated and his parents found out that we’ve been arguing for a while. Nothing else happened in the following weeks, and they went back home. Ever since, my FiL has refused to talk to me or acknowledge my existence. He told my husband on the phone that he hated staying with us and would never come back. He has not spoken to me at all since then, and if I answer the phone, he hangs up. Or makes my MiL ring us, then asks to speak to my husband.

My husband seems to think this is ok, and continues to be very amenable to this arrangement. He talks to his dad quite often, and seems ok with just ignoring my existence. He says he thinks what his dad is doing is wrong but does nothing about it. I am very annoyed with my FiL, even more annoyed with my husband and most annoyed with myself for being annoyed!! Help!

That sounds tough. Just start a new thread for advice - use Add Post at the bottom of you screen.

Scirocco · 11/04/2024 21:45

Which way round is the AIBU?

Seems perfectly reasonable for a BIL to do an airport collection, I'd just be grateful I wasn't having to get a taxi from the airport!

StillProcrastinating · 11/04/2024 21:42

saraclara · 11/04/2024 18:33

WTF?

I would have been so hurt by that.

Show quote history

Yes I was, hence fact I’ve never forgotten !! Tbf on subsequent trips she’s grabbed me from airport. It’s her DH, not her. It’s a control thing for him.

2proseccosplease · 11/04/2024 21:33

That would be fine, but I would expect to be told in advance if I was expecting to see my sister

HappyHedgehog247 · 11/04/2024 21:27

I wouldn't be offended but I love my dsis so much I would be a bit disappointed if spent whole journey excited and expecting to see them and this meant I wouldn't until next morning so for me better to know plan in advance. I'd be v grateful for the lift from BIL

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 11/04/2024 21:26

FrangipaniBlue · 11/04/2024 15:25

I wouldn't be offended but I probably would wonder why BIL couldn't do bedtime routine and my sister pick me up......

It kind of perpetuates the patriarchy doesn't it, the woman's job is in the home and the man's job is operating the motor vehicle.......

Oh no! Not the patriarchy! TBH having struggled home from abroad last night dragging a heavy suitcase I was extremely pleased to be met by a car and driver. He could have been Jack the Ripper for all I cared.

BronwenTheBrave · 11/04/2024 21:24

It’s the man’s fault. Obviously.

Psychologymam · 11/04/2024 21:18

FrangipaniBlue · 11/04/2024 15:25

I wouldn't be offended but I probably would wonder why BIL couldn't do bedtime routine and my sister pick me up......

It kind of perpetuates the patriarchy doesn't it, the woman's job is in the home and the man's job is operating the motor vehicle.......

my sister is coming home soon and my husband will pick her up - not because he’s wishes to perpetuate the patriarchy but unfortunately he can’t breastfeed….

Mistredd · 11/04/2024 21:16

No, of course not.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 11/04/2024 21:01

I’m not sure why but this thread is pleasantly bonkers. 🙂

No of course a normal person wouldn’t be upset that a spouse picked them up from the airport.

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 11/04/2024 20:57

I might have missed it but how far are you from the airport?

Again, I wouldn't be offended but I'd be pretty disappointed if my sibling who I hadn't seen in 18 months didn't pick me up after I took an international flight. Your reasons for staying home (I'll be tired from going food shopping and cooking the day before? Really?) would sound to me like "I just can't be arsed to make an effort for you." Which I'd find disappointing, especially after flying with my kids.

But again, this is Mumsnet, where people really don't like to go even slightly out of their way for others, so I'm not surprised that the general response is that your sister is needy, immature and should be thankful she's even getting a lift 🙄

Jinglesomeoftheway · 11/04/2024 20:54

What the hell... who on earth could ever get annoyed by this?!

category12 · 11/04/2024 20:54

shoppingshamed · 11/04/2024 20:45

We're all different though, it would never cross my mind that not having a catch up the moment I'd landed was in anyway a bad thing

If you had that kind of relationship surely you'd be in regular contact not waiting to be face to face to swop news

Show quote history

Being in constant contact at distance is a bit different to getting to see each other for the first time in ages, being welcomed at the airport and then having some one-on-one time in the car to chat.

If OP has small children, husband and other family visiting, it may be one of the only opportunities to be alone together.

Of course people are different, but personally I'd be disappointed by BIL.

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