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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be offended if your Bil picked you up?

318 replies

Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 15:12

If you were flying to visit your sister on your own with your kids to another country. Would you be offended if her other half came to pick you up at the airport and drop you at your hotel?
Reason being, it’s at night and your sister is doing bedtime with their dc, would this bother you? Or would you expect your sister to be the one to come?
They will see each other the next morning

OP posts:

UndertheCedartree · 12/04/2024 02:53

Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 17:24

I’m the sister putting Dc to bed, my sister hasn’t complained as I haven’t decided to do this yet, I just wanted to see if it would bother/upset others?
Reasons are:

1.My parents will only just have arrived and I would have done their airport run the day before

2.I would have been food shopping with them that day, cooking, entertaining etc

3.Dc is adhd and will be overexcited with everyone visiting, I’m much better to calm them and get them to sleep, but it will take a while

4.Not a massive fan of driving in the dark and admittedly I will be tired collecting again, dropping at airport then back home quite late, ready to be up to drive to hotel to meet them in the morning with everyone

Am I a bad person? Would you be disappointed as the other sister?

Why not just let them get a taxi. I would hate all this someone coming out late then driving me about then having to get back to theirs. And why not let them have a chilled morning after travelling rather than expecting everyone to be up early to go to the hotel. I'd honestly find the fussing too much. Let me travel, go to my hotel in peace and let me have a quiet morning so my DC can sleep as much as they need to and I can get them breakfast before 'everyone' descends!

UndertheCedartree · 12/04/2024 02:45

pootlin · 11/04/2024 16:50

Again, it depends on the family. We’re the type of people that pile into a relative’s minibus and go to the airport en masse to welcome overseas visitors the moment they step off the plan. Then we stay up all night eating and chatting (holidays allowing).

Maybe being met at the airport is OP’s sister’s love language.

As I said, OP shouldn’t be made to feel bad for not wanting to go, but I can see why the sister may have been disappointed.

Edited

Show quote history

That would be my worst nightmare! Just got off flight tired and sorting kids and baggage, just want a quick bite to eat then get kids to bed, then bed myself and there's some kind of welcome party there who expects me to stay up all night 😭

CreateAUsername2024 · 12/04/2024 02:43

Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 17:27

@CornishTiger They can of course, but sometimes strengths lie in different areas

Agreed

HeraSyndulla · 12/04/2024 02:41

If it bothers you get a taxi.

UndertheCedartree · 12/04/2024 02:40

quizzys · 11/04/2024 16:10

The visiting sister thinks other sister values kids' bedtimes more than seeing her immediately after a long journey. That's what I'm getting. Probably pissed off that after making such a long journey none of her blood relatives came to the airport to see her and pick her up.

If that's the case she was probably tired and emotional and felt ignored by her relatives that she had come to see.

That mightn't be rational, but it's kind of understandable in a way. BIL could have done the kid stuff.

And sister could get a taxi. But is making someone come all the way out to drive them around and then being offended if it's not the right person. That's pretty fucked up in my book and not understandable in the slightest, imho.

UndertheCedartree · 12/04/2024 02:26

Offended? Grateful more like!

ThinWomansBrain · 12/04/2024 02:24

get a cab next time.

raspberryberet7 · 12/04/2024 02:23

mynameiscalypso · 11/04/2024 15:12

I would be grateful to be picked up in the first place!

This

5YearsLeft · 12/04/2024 02:17

Do you often have anxiety like this, @Stressedjustthinkingaboutit ? Where no one has given an indication that anything is wrong, you have no reason to believe your sister would be upset (you don’t mention her being unreasonable), and yet you get a lot of anxiety about it and you come up with a large list of justifications for your actions in case someone DOES find them unreasonable? It might be something to think about. I imagine that would be exhausting, and could do a real number on your self-confidence. Maybe it would be good to talk to your GP about it and go from there. (If this isn’t the case, and this is just a one-off strange situation, then never mind.)

TheHateIsNotGood · 12/04/2024 01:05

Based on the thread title alone I thought it might be a fat-shaming thread; along the lines of - I'm rather stoutly built and at a recent family gathering BIL, who has been doing a bit of weight lifting recently, suddenly picked me up and said "look how strong I am, I can even pick up Thing".

How completely wrong I was. YABU, I'd be happy for my BIL, Dsis's neighbour or any friendly person, who was a good driver and knew the local roads to pick me up at an airport and drop me off at my sister's door.

Time for my bedtime.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/04/2024 01:03

got fed up halfway through the thread.....(Yes I am in a right baggy arsed mood)
WHY do people make this shit so complicated?!

Call sister, say "BIL will pick you up at X, see you later"

Job done. I dont get the issue. Unless the family are arseholes in which case, why put yourself out at all?!

ilovesushi · 12/04/2024 00:57

I'd be really happy and grateful that family were picking me up.

Buxton87 · 12/04/2024 00:53

*had

Buxton87 · 12/04/2024 00:52

Why have people voted the OP unreasonable? I'm baffled.
It's family. I'd be so grateful that I hadn't had to do it myself. I'd have made up excuses why I can't if my OH was willing to do it for my family / best friend. Unless I was REALLY bored and has a podcast to listen to on the way back. Which is probably what this was.

whynotwhatknot · 12/04/2024 00:06

no woulnt bother me be grateful for the lift

fungibletoken · 11/04/2024 23:54

No, I don't think that'd bother me at all. A couple of years ago we flew out to meet up with a friend we hadn't seen in over 5 years. She sent her DH to pick us up from the airport and we were genuinely just grateful for the lift.

myladybelle · 11/04/2024 23:42

I hate driving to airport and DH does ALL pick ups for my family; no-one has ever been anything but thankful for the lift.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 11/04/2024 23:40

No, not even a little bit. I'd be grateful for the lift.

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 11/04/2024 23:38

If it was an airport run I wouldn’t fancy the hassle late at night, as much as I love my sis. My husband would do that for me and my sis and I’d see her the next day.

saraclara · 11/04/2024 23:31

Codlingmoths · 11/04/2024 22:48

My Dh always does the airport pickups, it’s a good 40 min drive and he’s much better at that than me.

Then you need to get more practice.

saraclara · 11/04/2024 23:30

StillProcrastinating · 11/04/2024 21:42

Yes I was, hence fact I’ve never forgotten !! Tbf on subsequent trips she’s grabbed me from airport. It’s her DH, not her. It’s a control thing for him.

Show quote history

But she didn't get out of bed even when you got there!

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 11/04/2024 23:28

Codlingmoths · 11/04/2024 22:48

My Dh always does the airport pickups, it’s a good 40 min drive and he’s much better at that than me.

FFS, what does that even mean? He's "better" at doing what? Driving? Reading signs? Being a functioning adult?

It's so depressing to read, in 2024, so many women believing that they are less capable than men when it comes to basic skills.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 11/04/2024 23:27

I think you are being precious.

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 11/04/2024 23:11

Winter2020 · 11/04/2024 17:33

Hi OP,
I have read all your posts.
I wouldn't be confident driving to our local airport and would only do it if I absolutely had to - but my husband would be confident and has done it many times. He would go in our family.

I would say to your sister that you hope she doesn't mind your husband picking her up but I think you not being confident going to the airport is a better reason than being busy with bedtime - which your husband could do.
Just make sure you have made plans with her for the following morning and make a fuss of her then. You could also send a bag of snacks and drinks for the hotel or offer your husband to take her for fast food if she has been travelling through tea time.

Sorry but non of this is necessary. DH will pick you at the airport, and I look forward to seeing you soon, simple.

This is a non issue that is being made into this big issue that needs explanation and justification.

IReallyStillCantBeBothered · 11/04/2024 23:05