Would you be offended if your Bil picked you up?

I might be a little disappointed not to see her when I landed. With that said, you'll see her soon so suck it up.

I would be delighted anyone would turn out at 9pm ish to pick me up

You sound very thoughtful OP

have a lovely time with your family

OP, you just don't want to make the effort to see your sister when you can see her the next day. As you can see from the responses here, some people would be disappointed, some wouldn't care. If she is disappointed, talk to her about it. But stop with all of the "but what about..." Just own it.

It's not really about complaining about it tho. Would I be offended, annoyed or complain about it? - no.

Would I feel a bit hurt/disappointed? - yes. I'd probably be hopeful of getting met and welcomed by my sister.

Being grateful for a lift doesn't exclude feeling a bit disappointed as well. Emotions are complex. 🙃

It's not just half an hour in itself though. It's half an hour each way plus kids to deal with and other guests.

If I were her sister, I'd have been expecting to get a taxi or a bus, so a lift from anyone would be something to be grateful for, not to complain about because my first choice of driver wasn't available.

What @candyisdandybutliquorisquicker said. Seems like a sensible question to me @Stressedjustthinkingaboutit

Yeah, a half hour drive is nothing. I'd feel like you can't be arsed.

Because, clearly, the distance you're having to drive is key to assessing how much of an effort the drive is. Don't be obtuse.

If it was a four-hour round trip, I for one would be a bit more understanding of the "but I drove it yesterday and I'm tired" excuse (and honestly, yes, I do think that's a poor show.) But half an hour each way is nothing, and it would contribute to my disappointment that my sister couldn't be bothered to inconvenience herself for an hour to greet me.

I'm still wondering how long the drive to the airport is.

Fair enough 😀

Though I do stand by my assertion - and I would also say that in this situation relative strengths don't matter. It's not a case that "well, my husband is more musical so if one of us has to play in a band it'll be him" (Silly example but I think you know what I mean.) But in this case you don't need to be particularly "good" at driving - if you meet basic standards of competence- which I'll assume you do if you drive regularly- there's no reason to defer to your husbands "superior" skill.

You can just explain that DH is doing this pick up as you picked up parents and that you need to cook for parents and put dc to bed.

Wouldn’t cross my mind to be an issue

BiL often picked me up. DS was a terrible driver. When I went to the States recently, my friend’s husband picked me up at the airport. When friends come to stay, DH often goes to collect them. I really don’t see the problem.

I'd be grateful for the lift. Wondering why you didn't just book a taxi?

I'd be glad I was getting a lift , unless there is some sort of issue with bil?

It isn't a problem. Don't worry about it.

This

So your sister isn’t actually annoyed with you but you’re tying yourself up in knots to be the perfect person. You can’t risk anyone not being 100% happy with you at all times?

Why?

What you’re doing for your family is perfectly good enough and you need to accept that for what it is.

The stress of being a people pleaser is entirely self inflicted and I think you need to work on that. Please don’t pass that trait into your kids, especially if you have a daughter.

Maybe being met at the airport is OP’s sister’s love language.

This really made me laugh.

@candyisdandybutliquorisquicker I was a bit snippy sorry, I do understand it’s natural to jump to conclusions and lots of people do let stereotypes limit them. It’s just so not me that I was a bit ???. I’ll use it as a reminder to be less quick to assume myself :)

My degree is maths and I’ve spent much of my finance career as the only woman in the room. I am not less capable than any man as a value call and to be honest I’d say im often more capable. My husband is very musical, and I am very unmusical. It would be irrational to the point of stupid to pretend otherwise. Similarly driving- he is a good driver, and I am an average driver, mainly because while I am great with maps and similar on paper I am terrible with visual routes. This, for FFS, is a rational division of our purely skills based strengths and weaknesses. I don’t think you could even argue socialisation and gender stereotype plays into the relative skills development. Like our relative musicality (I worked on that too, played instruments, was in choir and band and orchestra), it’s largely defined by natural talent. I’ve improved to being a capable driver, and as busy parents of 3 we both do our share of driving, but I will never be as good as it at him. I am not lesser nor am I denigrating women to objectively acknowledge my weaknesses.

How long is the airport drive?