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Original poster

Would you be offended if your Bil picked you up?

318 replies

Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 15:12

If you were flying to visit your sister on your own with your kids to another country. Would you be offended if her other half came to pick you up at the airport and drop you at your hotel?
Reason being, it’s at night and your sister is doing bedtime with their dc, would this bother you? Or would you expect your sister to be the one to come?
They will see each other the next morning

OP posts:
Nowayhayday · 11/04/2024 16:30

I think it would be polite to inform the person arriving of what the arrangements are. So if you know what to expect it reduces any possible offence. I would hope the bil would be good at listing cases etc so that could be a bonus. Though if parents are at home with dc you could both go, if the car was big enough

pootlin · 11/04/2024 16:30

KreedKafer · 11/04/2024 16:25

But it's obviously the evening, as it's the kids' bedtime, and she's going straight to her hotel, so they wouldn't be 'getting together', they'd all just be sitting in a car for a bit and then going their separate ways again so everyone can get to bed.

Show quote history

Not everyone sleeps that early. Some people would go to the hotel with their sister and catch up without distractions.

MILTOBE · 11/04/2024 16:29

Do you get on with your BIL?

KreedKafer · 11/04/2024 16:29

Allofaflutter · 11/04/2024 16:23

I would be also a bit put out I wasn’t invited to the house until the next day. In my family that just isn’t the way we do things.

But it's the evening, and she's staying in a hotel, so she would be coming with her kids to the house to say a brief hello and then would have to be driven again to her hotel where she then has to unpack, sort her own kids out etc. It seems a lot nicer to me, if you're arriving at night, to go straight to the hotel, freshen up, sort everything out, settle the kids and have a good nights sleep before seeing your family in the morning. Why would anyone be 'put out' by what is clearly the most convenient arrangement?

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 11/04/2024 16:28

Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 16:00

@candyisdandybutliquorisquicker But she’d see them the next morning and the next week

It would be the lack of effort that I'd be disappointed by, to be honest. But I acknowledge that I kind of roll my eyes at the "man can't do kids' bedtime" or "woman doesn't like night driving" reasons that other people don't seem to turn a hair at.

I live in the US and have hosted family from the UK countless times. I always do the airport pickup - the way I see it, if my family have gone to the trouble of taking an international trip to see me, the least I can do is pick them up! Though I agree with a previous poster that the context is important - is it a flight to Austria or Australia?

CreateAUsername2024 · 11/04/2024 16:28

My DH would do this, I don't mind driving but sometimes people don't like it in the dark. I'd be grateful for the lift at all.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 11/04/2024 16:27

I think of someone is doing you a favour you should accept the favour how it's offered or arrange your own transport.

MyFavouritePlace · 11/04/2024 16:27

@Stressedjustthinkingaboutit ok fair enough. But either way wouldnt you all want to see each other that night.
BIL would bring the sister back to see sister and parents that night.

That's the part that doesn't make sense, why are you getting together the next day. Unless you all see one another all the time.

You know your family best and it feels like you're 100% happy with this.

Original poster
Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 16:26

@KreedKafer Yes, would be different I think if it was daytime

OP posts:
Original poster
Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 16:25

@Allofaflutter It will be past 9 at night, young child in bed and elderly mum in bed. They also have to check in and get settled

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 11/04/2024 16:25

MyFavouritePlace · 11/04/2024 16:17

I wouldn't be offended but can see why you are asking.
If it was my family, BIL would be left at home and sister (and parents) would all go to the airport. We wouldn't want to wait a day to get together.

But it's obviously the evening, as it's the kids' bedtime, and she's going straight to her hotel, so they wouldn't be 'getting together', they'd all just be sitting in a car for a bit and then going their separate ways again so everyone can get to bed.

Wolfpa · 11/04/2024 16:24

I would wonder why BIL can’t put the children to bed but otherwise I wouldn’t be offended.

pootlin · 11/04/2024 16:23

OP, what is the context? Is she usually entitled? Is she the golden child? Is she the proverbial black sheep?

Instead of giving the bare minimum info that means people are going to insult your sister why not give some context.

HelenaJustina · 11/04/2024 16:23

Wouldn’t be offended, grateful for lift and delighted to see any one of my BiLs, all of whom are fab people.

Allofaflutter · 11/04/2024 16:23

I would be also a bit put out I wasn’t invited to the house until the next day. In my family that just isn’t the way we do things.

saraclara · 11/04/2024 16:22

I think that offended is the wrong word for this OP. Disappointed, or even a bit hurt, would be better.

Talking offence is almost always seen as unreasonable or sulky. Being disappointed (in my 'Australia and not having seen each other for years' scenario) or a little bit hurt would be absolutely reasonable I think.

I still don't understand why BIL can't do bedtime and entertain his in-laws though.

Original poster
Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 16:22

@Allofaflutter Visiting sister lives 10
minures from parents and saw them only days before

OP posts:
MaryShelley1818 · 11/04/2024 16:21

I wouldn't give a monkeys. It's just a lift.

Coconutter24 · 11/04/2024 16:21

I wouldn’t be offended if BIL picked me up. I’d be grateful for the lift.

Allofaflutter · 11/04/2024 16:21

It wouldn’t offend me as such but I would be disappointed that I don’t seem to be as valued as I had thought.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 11/04/2024 16:21

We dont trouble other people annd wont unless we are seriously pushed and stuck

Original poster
Stressedjustthinkingaboutit · 11/04/2024 16:21

*Can’t fit it the car, sorry

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 11/04/2024 16:20

Why on earth would anyone be offended by this? He's a member of the family giving her a lift to her hotel, not random stranger taking her to dinner and a show. I don't see what the issue would be?

SausageRoll2020 · 11/04/2024 16:20

Why on earth would this offend anyone?

Hiddenvoice · 11/04/2024 16:20

I guess it depends on how far the sister is travelling and how long it’s been since they’ve seen each other.
Personally if be grateful for the lift and would want to freshen up but I can understand if there was an issue as surely bil could do bedtime routine?