AIBU to expect a three-day stay with a friend to include some activities?

It seems to me that the OP and the OP's friend/host simply have different views on the purpose of the visit. The host wants to spend a relaxed time together with her guest, chatting, hanging out etc.- she may not be much of a "going out" person, she is prioritising companionship. The OP on the other hand is prioritising the place, making the most of her time off, and approaching it like a tourist visit: what can I see in this area that's worth seeing? How can I get to know the area? What are the best attractions, restaurants etc?

Neither approach is wrong or unreasonable, but they are at odds. They don't have similar personalities, or friendship "styles".

She's a CF. I would never expect a friend to sit about clearing my cupboards. If you want to visit the area again, stay in a hotel.

I think you are going to offend one way or another, she wants you to stay home with her, however politely you say you want to go out it's not going to be acceptable. Invite her to yours, your rules, or arrange to meet up at a hotel for a couple of nights, preferably with on site things to do.

Invite her to yours instead.

Is she nervous going out and about usually?
Maybe she's got a touch of social anxiety and feels much more comfortable and safe staying at home?

Are there any other activities you could do / take? I don't suppose you're both into any board games or anything? That can pass many hours!

Why do you think it was, OP?

Is she agoraphobic/ generally doesn't leave the house very much? For example I have a relative like this who just hardly ever goes out herself, and she would never arrange anything when I visit because it's just unknown to her.

Could it be general anxiety?

Or does she have money worries?

Either way it sounds like you have different expectations of hosting/ visiting one another, so you need a conversation to get on the same page before you go again.

Totally understand. Could you book a couple of things (without having to pay in advance) and tell her you've done this, as a surprise/treat, something you think would be nice and you really want to do? Xx

It sounds incredibly dull. When I visit friends and when they visit me, we always go out and about. I would go mad sitting inside the house all day long. I think your message is a good idea, and if she refuses to accept you going out and doing things, then I would decline to visit her in future.

God, that sounds dull. As you say, she hasnt learned the art of hosting. You're meant to entertain guests not have them cleaning your cupboards.

I'd stay elsewhere but close by for a couple of nights, arrange to see a few places and just have a flying visit with your friend.

I wouldn't accept an invitation to stay over with someone where I knew the conversation would run out AND we wouldn't go out. I'd rather go out but could cope if there was plenty to talk about.

If I were you OP, I'd either decline the invite or insist on booking or agreeing on an activity in advance. It sounds like your last visit was very tedious. I'd rather stay home and do my own housework.

I would stay at a local hotel and visit her and alternate it with visits and trips out. This way you're in control and not hostage to her boring plans.

She does not sound like a generous host interms of thinking what guests would most enjoy and seems deadly dull - cleaning out cupboards!!!!! Surely you're worth a bit more than that! I would drop the friendship and spend time with some more fun people who are into doing the activities you like and make you laugh. Life is too short for wasting a whole 3 days and loads of £ on being bored.

Thinking about this some more, I’m getting really annoyed!! I think she’s a rubbish host and by extension a bit of a crap friend. Wouldn’t anyone with an ounce of decency “allow” their friend to go out for the day rather than watching them clean out their cupboards?

I think I would tell her I won’t be visiting and exactly why! Any wonder she’s lonely when this is how she treats friends who come to visit!

I initially gave her the benefit of the doubt but thinking on it, I cannot imagine having a friend round and refusing to go anywhere, also refusing to let them go anywhere without me, and let them clean my home ? It is beyond entitled!

You ended up doing housework? Fancy coming to visit me? 🤣🤣🤣

Just another thought, is she worried about sending money?

Don’ go for so long, or maybe visit her en route to somewhere else?

I agree though, I wouldn’t want to end up doing household stuff in someone else’s house , and would feel embarrassed if a guest came and cleaned my cupboards whilst visiting. It’s okay to
gave a quiet time - go on walks etc, but to be stuck inside would be frustrating. If she was doing life admin, sounds like she ignored you.

I would just say, that might be fun - I could go to X Saturday and Y Sunday that I didn’t get to last time. Would you be up for joining?

Then she can say it doesn’t suit (and you can decline due to the expense) or you can go and you’ve already set the itinerary!

Totally with you on this because if you don’t visit the place you’re in then you could really be anywhere (and the catch-up could be on the phone and not a huge expense!). Honestly the “but you’re here visiting me” is bizarre and truly mortifying!

I just wouldn't go. It sounds suffocating.

id say it’s not essential to go places but her carrying on with her normal routine while you slot in doesn’t sound much fun!

Maybe reply something like:

It’s always lovely to see you but I do like to get out and about every day even just for a walk or coffee or a bit of window shopping. So i could come but plan something for the days and you are welcome to join me or not. Would that work for you?

I would find one place locally and then say “that’s great I will be going to x while I am there and would love you to come with me”

I am not sure either are unreasonable, she thinks you’re coming to see and spend time with her, and doesn’t see it as visitin the area so going off to sight see or out for meals. She thinks you’re there to keep her company and visit. And you don’t wish to do that, which is fair enough,

just decline. You know the score, so say you can’t as busy and make an excuse.

Usually when someone comes to visit I'm better at planning and getting out and about to show them the nice things near me. It's a great excuse. Washing cars on a weekend away would be the last straw for me. I would stick to visiting a restaurant or a group activity in future.

When I said that perhaps I'd go to the NT place on my own, as I'd like to see it, she said 'But you're here visiting me, why would you do that?

What was your reply to this?