To be paranoid about this ?

The hairdresser's question was phrased quite weirdly. It says more about her than about you.

At my workplace, people talk about their partners and kids all the time so if someone never mentioned either, I might assume they were single and didn't have children (although it wouldn't make me assume they lived with their parents, that's a bit odd). Or that they preferred to keep it private.

I know plenty of oddballs and people who are not conventionally attractive who are in relationships and vice versa - I don't think it means that much!

I know people in mid 30-40s who are married, seperated, live alone, have kids, share kids post divorce, are single parents, have sole custody, can't work because of disability, work part time, work shifts, are studying, are a carer, I could go on. So I wouldn't assume anything like that about someone on meeting them. Maybe you meet a lot of rude people like that hair dresser, maybe it's in relation to what conversation you've had at that stage, like a PP suggested using singular instead of plurals, or maybe this is something you hyper focus on so it feels like it happens a lot more then it actually does.

People are just curious, it’s difficult to relate to someone who is an enigma. I feel a little bit biased because if I meet someone and like them, I want to know these details about their lives, like are they married, have kids, work etc. If I meet them and aren’t interested in the least I make polite small talk and ask zero questions.

Eh?

Being single and/or living alone means you must either be an oddball or ugly?

Maybe it's your preconceptions that are the issue here. There is nothing wrong with living alone, or with parents, or not having a long-term partner, at any age. And frankly nothing wrong with being an oddball or ugly either.

I think you're really overthinking this and building it up in your head to something significant, when it really isn't.

In the specific case of the hairdresser, she was just tactless and a bit of an idiot. It's not about you, she's just got no filter.

Surely most would assume I lived with a partner

Why?! Loads of people in their 30s are single. It's really normal.

I also think that people's assumptions are much more likely to be based on the conversation you're having, not anything else about you. For example, if someone asks you if you're going on holiday this year, and you say 'I haven't booked anything yet, but I'm thinking I might go to Tuscany' then people are probably going to get the impression you're single because you're saying 'I' and not 'we'.

How are these conversations coming up? Do you not mention a partner in casual conversations? It's weird for people to know you aren't married, but not know you have a partner. Usually people talk about their partners a lot in casual conversations. If you aren't, it could be people are trying to read between the lines and are assuming you're single.

The hairdresser just sounds rude though.

@CinnamonWhirls

May sound stupid but I have also had a hairdresser ask me the other month “So have you ever had a boyfriend or had one but it didn’t last long ?”

Well that was pretty rude. What was your response?

In the past when people have asked me intrusive questions I'd stop trying to explain and just say "Why?" Smile when you say it if you wish - or not. Small children have got this down pat - try explaining "Why" to a child you keep asking things from. "Yes but Why mummy, why"?? Then you might have to say "OK" at the end if it and move away, pick up your book/paper/smartphone, etc. 🌹

People are nosey and rude. And so many people still subscribe to the idea that being half of a couple is what everyone wants and you've failed at life if you don't do it. I suggest having a couple of rehearsed responses to bat these comments away.

what are you actually “paranoid” about?

rude hairdresser!