Boring marriage but easier life

No but it’s probably a fair guess that around half of children will have their parents either get divorced or split at some point during their lives. Cohabitation breaks down at a higher rate than marriage.

Well yes, exactly. So you can't say 50% of children have divorced parents if over half of parents aren't married in the first place.

51% of children don’t even have married parents when they are born. Somehow people manage to grow up okay.

The fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce doesn't mean that 50% of children have divorced parents. This is because some people are serial divorcees, and in fact if you have divorced once you are statistically more likely to divorce again.

The grass is greener where you water it. It doesn’t sound like anything fundamentally wrong - but both of you need to put the effort in. Hard to do with 3 under 10, but it gets better.

OP you are really in the thick of it now. Your kids and your job are insanely demanding!
Having a partner who is undemanding, more of a solid rock than a red hot tempestuous lover, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.
Maybe you are looking for something to be in your life which picks you up and is super fun, but I bet your partner feels the same. You’re both in the trenches right now.

To be fair, it isn’t just women. Both my sets of grandparents had utterly awful marriages. On my mother’s side it was 100% my grandfather’s fault, but on my dad’s side it was 100% my grandmother’s fault. Both my parents said they wished their own parents had divorced. Growing up with unhappily married parents is wretched.

Yeah, but if she leaves her DH there's no guarantee she's going to meet the flamenco dancing Prince Charming fated love of her life either?

In fact realistically speaking, children of single parents end up more damaged/are exposed to more emotional and lifestyle stressors than children of 2 middle class parents plodding along in a lukewarm, companionable marriage.

Perhaps, but definitely not an enviable one and not one their kids should be aiming for

Huh?
Do you really think there is nothing interesting about a woman other than sex she is able to provide. My partner and I have a ton of shared interests and sex is only one of them. We went through a dry spell a while back and still found each other's company very engaging.

You need to actively try and salvage your relationship first. Book a babysitter once a month. Consider it an investment in your relationship. Then go out, dinner, drinks etc and spend time talking to each other and enjoying each others company.

Do this for a year and really make an effort.

Then after a year review the situation, and sit down with him and agree next steps.

He works away - bliss. Run your errands when he is at home being grumpy. Your marriage sounds a lot like mine, and probably thousands of others.

This is my situation too. And it’s ok. My DC are older though.

A fairly realistic one

If you are friends and get on, I'd try and do things to make your marriage more interesting - unlikely you'll get back to how things were when you met, but if you could make some mutual effort to bring some romance and connection back. It doesn't need to be going out as you mentioned that's hard. You're in a common tough period with young kids, money and work pressures, but as you say, splitting isn't going to ease this.

I am perhaps slightly older than most mumsnetters (50s). IME marriages ebb and flow and the thresholds for what give and take will also vary. Only the individuals in charge can ultimately decide on this. For me I can say there were (long) periods when it felt like we were plodding on. Particularly early on when the kids were small and we were tired and strapped for cash. Later on though the spark returned and we had better periods. So in a marriage where you get on, he is not abusive and there was passion once, I think it can be put back together. Maybe you just both need to recognise this and work on it?

What you describe is business as usual for a significant amount of couples. If it works for you, you should be not paying attention to what other people say.

Why don't you fancy him? Does he give you the ick or is it a case of life has gotten in the way? If the latter then you most likely still do fancy him and need to get creative to get things going again. We set aside two date nights a week, could be anything from watching a movie together to dinner and drinks at home. Like you, we have young kids so don't go out. We also do games night, cocktail hour, and random creative stuff for birthdays/anniversaries. We had a very dry spell in the bedroom due to life's pressures but that is very much back on track and way better than when we first started going out and it really did come down to reprioritising us as a couple. Sounds like you have a good foundation and a loving husband to get that going with.

do you have dinner together? watch any tv shows together? talk about your days?

if you’re not getting home until 10, be must do a decent amount of childcare?

I didn't say they were scarred by it, I said it had significant detrimental effects - and these can be statistically observed as being worse than for those children coping with bereavement.

Here:

www.demographic-research.org/articles/volume/46/20/

how do you and DH spend your evenings together?

how old are your children?

Given that you're not interested in sex your husband probably finds life with you boring too. Probably best if you had a long chat to decide what would be best for both of you.