Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to buy my daughter furniture she didn't pick out?

189 replies

Mastmw7g · 11/04/2024 10:02

My daughter moved out in January. She lives alone and has no furniture. Once a week I come over with takeaway and we eat together and learn about each other's week. I asked if she wanted furniture for her birthday and she said yes. I suggested a table and chairs because we eat together and she liked that idea.

I've shown her pictures and taken her shopping, but she hasn't made any decisions. She said she doesn't know her style. I've been looking at used furniture online and I found the green upholstered chairs with black metal frames. She sat on them at IKEA. She likes green and liked that they were comfortable.

Then I found a wood table I had shown her a picture of. She had liked the picture but didn't want me spending so much when she hadn't seen the table in person.

I've tried talking to her, but she's busy. She's earning, her boyfriend is ill, she doesn't have time to drive out to homes to look at furniture. She doesn't share my urgency to get these deals before someone else. Would I be unreasonable to just buy the furniture? It could always be sold if she doesn't like it.

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 11/04/2024 10:29

She’s moved out - this isn’t your job now. Give her the money you’d be prepared to spend for furniture. Accept she might choose to spend it on something else.

do not buy furniture for her without her choosing it.

Ineedwinenow · 11/04/2024 10:28

What I would do so your not coming across as interfering is buy a couple of cheap folding camping chairs (and maybe a fold away tiny table)?? and leave them there, that way you and your daughter can sit down and eat / chat but your not buying her furniture against her wishes either, standing up to eat isn’t ideal and I don’t think I’d fancy sitting on cushions on the floor so camping chairs would be a compromise

Octavia64 · 11/04/2024 10:26

I don't think you should buy furniture for her.

It may be important to you but it clearly isn't to her otherwise she would prioritise it.

If you want somewhere to sit when you go over buy a chair for you, camping or otherwise.

Mastmw7g · 11/04/2024 10:26

@Woohow I don't think I have the nerve to kit it out without her permission! I'm worried about her reaction about a dining set with pieces she's already said she liked.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 11/04/2024 10:25

Unless she has SEN and needs additional support leave her be. It takes a while to work out your own style and you really don't need much if living alone. By all means give her cash or vouchers and accompany her but let her choose in her own time.
If you want a table and chairs buy camping ones so they can be put into storage and used again later.

I felt rushed buying my furniture, got good quality wooden stuff and can't sell it because I'd never get back what I paid for it.

VestPantsandSocks · 11/04/2024 10:24

I think you are doing this from a good place.

But if she has moved out, then you really need to let her do this herself.

Yes - you can make suggestions or give her the money but ultimately, it really is up to her.

Let her breathe!!

Mastmw7g · 11/04/2024 10:22

@PlasticOno We stand in the kitchen mostly.

OP posts:
Woohow · 11/04/2024 10:21

Kit her place out with stuff from freecycle and tell her you'll buy her stuff to replace it once she has decided what she wants.

Mastmw7g · 11/04/2024 10:18

@ghostyslovesheets in her bedroom she has a futon I bought her. She didn't pick it out. She just said she wanted a futon and I bought it. Her grandmother has been offering to buy her a mattress and bed. She doesn't want a sofa. She saw these pictures online of floor cushions and has tried to recreate that.

And this is embarrassing, but my husband is not supportive of giving her money. He thought it was ridiculous I wanted to spend so much on a birthday.

OP posts:
PlasticOno · 11/04/2024 10:11

Are you sitting on the floor to eat your takeaway at the moment?

ghostyslovesheets · 11/04/2024 10:09

If she has no furniture it might be better to start with a bed and sofa?

maybe she doesn’t want to buy things off FB marketplace?

just give her the money

6pence · 11/04/2024 10:08

Ask her if she’s happy for you to buy them on the basis you’ll sell them if she doesn’t like it.

EmilyTjP · 11/04/2024 10:08

I like how you come and update us on your daughter ☺️ I feel like I know her life well 🤣

Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2024 10:06

I would ask her one last time. Tell her to say yes or no, right now. She needs some furniture, FGS.