WIBU to buy my daughter furniture she didn't pick out?

Well I would just leave ball in her court or get her vouchers. But I will say, my husband would be told to go to hell if he told me what I could spend on my children for their birthdays. How controlling of him.

I'd just leave it tbh as she doesn't seem bothered. And maybe take my own folding chair when I visit.

Don't do it. Lovely for you to pay. Wait for her to be the driving force in the purchase.

She's told you pretty clearly that she doesn't want you to buy her furniture, back of and leave her to choose herself in her own time, that's half the fun of your first home. I often give my adult children money for birthdays, we talk about what they want, if it's a specific item then I get it but sometimes maybe my daughter will want make up or my son a tool. Then they get cash to choose themselves

Word of warning, my DH has been umm-ing and ahh-ing over which dinner plates to buy since September 2019. We are still using an array of temporary plates.

It has been 1,662 days since I said that I wanted to buy a nice set of dinner plates.

I would have said give her money but I see you’re not willing to go against your husband’s wishes with that. Why is he against giving money to his child ? I would ignore him to be honest and just give her the money. It’s your money too, not his to solely decide what she gets. I have more issue with your husband here than your indecisive daughter

Op i would buy the furniture. It’s reasonable price and a table and chairs are essential to your visits because it’s not unreasonable to want to sit down on a chair while eating. I would not be lugging a camp chair/folding chair/ table. I also would not buy those because to me those are more of a burden to move on in the future. She cannot make “decorating” decisions? Take the pressure off by saying….just temporary dd. You know her you probably have an idea what she would like and maybe she doesn’t care much about the style. She can’t decide now so bridge her until she can decide

Now your DH is a different issue. If you work and earn then do as you want. If you don’t work it’s still marital money so do as you want 😉

Get her a bunch of essential items for a cheap price from Facebook marketplace. If in time she wants a new table she can resell it, or put it outside her house. It'll eventually get taken.

For example, I got four chairs for free, and a table for £20 from FB marketplace. When I'm done with them, I'm just going to put them outside with a 'FREE' sign on them.

I came on to say just this. This way you have somewhere to sit and place food on to eat. Also takes the urgency out of buying from Facebook or wherever as you can order online or buy it yourself and put in your car (if you have one) and bring it in your next visit. 🌹

Do you earn money@Mastmw7g ?
If so why is your dh’s word law?

My dh often says I’m too soft with our dc and dgc but he’d never stop me buying stuff for them as long as we can afford it!

The thing is though, we don't all work like that. I'm stuck with stuff I bought because it was all we could afford but it now feels wasteful to get rid of. And yes, I have stuff my mum "kindly" gave me that I'm also stuck with. If she is quite an anxious person then she might be worried about having furniture that she doesn't like forever

You could ask her permission, if it's free stuff she may be less picky as she knows it's not permanent. .

I wouldn't buy her furniture until she makes a decision. Whilst your heart's in the right place it can be a PITA to try to get rid of furniture you don't like especially when your mental health isn't the best.

When we moved into our house 10 years ago MIL gifted us a few bits of furniture she no longer wanted. I didn't really want it as I wanted to live a while with minimal furniture and see what would work well with the space I had before committing to buying stuff. DH tends to just see something going for free and take it and isn't bothered by clutter. I ended up living with an ugly sideboard for 10 years as it was too big to fit in the car to take to charity/ the skip. I had a lot of time wasters when I got my shit together enough to put it on freecyle/gumtree. Finally got rid of it at the start of this year on the dozenth time of advertising it for free on Gumtree!

OP, why not give her the money, then she can buy her own furniture when she is ready?

You sound like a lovely mum. I would ask one more time but then give her some space to work it out herself.

When I left home I found my parents insistence that I do things to their timescale and in the way they thought was best very stifling. (I still do!). I just wanted to be left alone to explore life in my own way. There's nothing really wrong with not having any furniture - young folks don't get so many aches and pains sitting on the floor - and she might just enjoy the feeling of being unencumbered by stuff for a while. She'll get round to it eventually and in the mean time, as others have said, take a camping chair when you visit.

If she really is anxious and paralysed by indecision then yes I would get her the tables and chairs. As long as you’re not going to get huffy if she decides she doesn’t like them and wants to sell them / get rid of them.

I agree. Leave her to sort herself out. I lived in a barely furnished flat for a couple of years in my 20s and I would have hated my mother to buy stuff I didn't want.

Are you the poster with the daughter who has moved in and out of your house as it wasn’t working and was supporting herself by selling photos of herself online?

I think you should leave her to sort her own furniture out.

People learn to adult by adulting - if she wants furniture she’ll get it - she maybe needs to arrive at that decision herself - just take a camping chair when you visit