WIBU to buy my daughter furniture she didn't pick out?

You say her BF is unwell. Is she imagining a situation where she might have to take care of him at his place, making the new furniture pointless. Perhaps she is hoping they will set up home together?

She isn’t going to ask her elderly grandparents to sit on the floor is she??

It's not like we're eating out of pans and off paper plates 😆We have everything we need, it's just an eclectic collection of various bowls and plates that I've bought over the past 20 years so nothing matches. They're all my plates and bowls, so I don't really mind. He's the one that wants the nice matching set, but can't decide on which ones.

I wouldn't be letting my DH tell me I couldn't spend my money on my child. Unless it would leave you short which doesn't sound the case.
Does he just get a card for his birthday? Selfish sod no wonder dd suffers from anxiety.

OP I also am mother to an adult daughter with anxiety. I agree with you to leave the furniture purchase alone. When she is ready she will talk to you about it.

If she has anxiety and knows your husband is reluctant for you to give money it makes sense she struggles with making a decision. As someone who is similar I'd recommend giving her a budget you'd be willing to spend and ask her to pick something within that or if it's over that you will contribute to. This might ease some of her worries over asking for too much or not wanting to be a burden.

Your DH sounds miserable. You don't need his permission to buy your DD a gift. Just get it and tell her you'll sell it on if she doesn't like it.

Sounds like they will be needing to take their own picnic chairs when they visit.....

Unless you go to a nursery, then floor cushions are fine. 😅

Doesn’t sound like she is mature enough to even live on her own tbh. Let her sit on the floor then. Extremely weird.

My 21-year old dd moved out a year ago, and already had ideas how she wanted her flat. No way in hell would she sit on the floor or go to Ikea and giggle at tables. She sorted out a bed first thing and had it delivered the day she moved in.

She doesn't know her style yet?!

Well, at this point, any furniture is better than none.

Even if it's only cheaper temporary furniture. She can always sell it on or give it to someone else once she's bought her own stuff further down the line.

And how can she not want a sofa?

Floor cushions are fine, if that's your thing, but they're not comfortable for visitors - and sitting on the floor isn't good for long periods of time, say when watching a film or something.

This is truly pathetic. Temporary plates for five years, because he can’t make up his mind. How can you live like that.

Sounds like she has very good reason to not allow you to buy her anything, usually when people stall and put off like that it’s because they know the amount of strings that come attached to it. I won’t let a certain family member help me in any way, shape or form because I know what the cost really is.

Then her daughter can spend 2000 days without furniture if that is what ends up happening.

If she’s happy to have no furniture then that’s her decision and she can sort it out when she wants to.

However I personally wouldn’t be happy to stand up in the kitchen to eat so would buy something second hand like a basic small folding table and two chairs. Surely she’d prefer that than standing or sitting on the floor? If she doesn’t like it she can fold it away or put it out on the street.
Other than that I wouldn’t force furniture on her if she hasn’t picked anything out

Alternative idea (from someone who also struggles with making decisions with buying furniture): buy her an Ikea interior design plan from Fiverr. Just search for people providing that service, she will have to provide room dimensions/floorplan with measurements, and someone will design her rooms with Ikea furniture so she knows what her room layouts, styles of furniture, colours etc will be. Then she can shop for the exact (or similar style) items as and when she is ready and has a feel for how she wants her home to look. It's the best budget interior design idea I've personally come across!

Homes need furniture. When I didn't know what style I wanted, I bought the cheapest functional and reasonably durable-seeming stuff I could conveniently get hold of, whether that was second hand or flat-pack. TBH, some of that stuff is in the spare room now, twenty years on....

i woulnt visit someone who wont even buy a chair for me to sit on

Just go and buy some. Not every single decision has to be a joint one.

This suggests she knew you would still want to buy what you want rather than what she wants. She would rather go without and get what she wants later.

Just give her the money or ask her to send a link of what she wants so you can then buy her actual choice.

Part of the fun of your own first place with no furniture is going without and "camping" and then making your own choices.

My vote for dont buy it... my style is very differnt from my parents

My first flat I had to furnish.. I borrowed a camping table and 2 chairs from for 8 months before I found a table I (still) love, I had an air mattress infront of the tv but rushed into buying a sofa (after 3 months) and still have it 15 years later (but don't really like it)... now in a bigger house and I took 1,1/2 years to decide on a second sofa (we had the first and a big gap)

The original sofa still there but second/guest sofa, as nothing wrong with it so feels a wate to throw away