WIBU to buy my daughter furniture she didn't pick out?

There’s a lot under the surface here. The daughter sounds overly precious. The. Mother sounds overly concerned. There’s a lot of tip toeing around ‘negative’ interactions instead of dealing with them. Not mentioning that the father is frustrated with the daughter, because it will make her sad. Not mentioning that it’s mental not to have tables and chairs for elderly people sit on if they are invited round, because it’s sad they are getting older. Why on earth does it matter if the daughter is sad? She needs to be taught that there’s a certain level of looking after people expected as a grown up. She makes her mother stand up and eat every single week.

This. Is not. Normal.

Your husband sounds pretty disgusting as father.

If you could sell it for what you paid for it would it seem less wasteful? I am suggesting Freecycle furniture in the interim, no money wasted and once she's done she can pass it on to the next people.

You should put your foot down with your mum. My mum tries the same with me, tell her you don't want whatever it is.

@ProncessDiana 🤣🤣🤣🤣

You have offered help and she hasn't taken the offer up, she is an adult so let her get on with it. You can't make her have furniture.

Get her something green or whatever nice colour, jolly and cheap. Tell her you haven't spent a lot so when she's ready to replace it she can do so and sell this stuff or give it away.

Sorry op, I don’t mean to be rude, but this doesn’t sound at all normal and I wonder if something else is going on?

I could understand her wanting to take time to pick out furniture if you were offering to kit her out with £10,000, but getting second hand off FB etc…in that case, the choice is already limited, so I don’t quite understand her reluctance.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with second hand by the way, I think it’s a very positive and sensible thing to do. But it doesn’t bring with it the thrill of shopping let’s say.

I wonder if she’s embarrassed to let you buy things for her? I wonder if she wishes you’d just give her the money to put towards what she likes and let her choose? It’s sounding a bit like a team sport at the moment, when that’s not really necessary.

Do you trust her to just give her the money? Forget dad. If my husband told me not to give my son money, I’d tell him where to go. I’ll do what I like thank you very much. But my husband wouldn’t do that anyway.

I’m 44 and my mum and dad always give me £150 and a few little gifts. So adults certainly can enjoy presents too. I like to buy for them in return as well.

She’s sleeping on a futon without a proper mattress and has nowhere to sit. The poor thing sounds like she’s squatting. I personally would say ‘DD, you can’t not have a bed/table/chair/whatever. I’m going to give you £xxx and I’d really like you to buy something with it.’

It all sounds quite sad.

Your husband sounds particularly peculiar and stingy. Couldn't be doing with that. Take no notice of him.

All this second guessing everything is really very strange. Just buy a table and chairs and the basic items - how hard can it be? For cheaper stuff, look online eg.. Wayfair or something like that.

This thread reminds me of the Mr Men books - Mr Mean who had no furniture and sat on an orange crate or on the floor.

There is no need for any of this.

Well, OP has written about her and her dd’s situation before so it really isn’t up to you to decide what is relevant or not.

Tp the people saying "I woild buy it".
You might, but trust me, if someone did that to you, you would be posting here about overbearing parents. And your kids would be posting about you.

Boundaries are important for adults. Breaking them down for them does no good. You then end up with boundarless women who tolerate crap behaviour from men, because they were not allowed bpundaries with anyone, and... End up here asking for advice on what to do about his shite behaviour🤷

I haven't read your previous threads, OP, but does your daughter have special needs or a history of depression? It must be incredibly depressing living in a flat with only a futon in it.

Your husband doesn't sound very nice. Hasn't he ever had a birthday present as an adult?

Ok sounds like you don’t mind, then it’s a different matter I guess. 😅 I quite like mismatched sets too.

Your husband sounds ... nice ... 😬

That’s your daughter and not at all relevant to the OP’s situation or daughter.
you’re very rude.

@Redherringgull I like mismatched dining sets. I was emptying the dishwasher at my parents and it did make me smile, there was a plate from a set we had growing up, a plate from my grandparents who have been dead a decade, a plate from my uni set etc none of them posh or expensive but the casual family history of them was nice.

I'm sorry if I've missed something as to why you can't communicate with her but why can't you say to her loud and clear,

'Last chance for me to buy you a table and chairs because I've repeatedly asked you what you want and you are non committal which is extremely rude of you! If you would prefer another item such as a new bed, ghats fine but can you NAME the exact one you want as I'm not h go king to carry on chasing you about it!'