To do the bare minimum to get by at work when you have a toddler and not feel guilty about that?

You do realise there are lots of professional careers outside of 'the city'

Of course it's possible to go both! But it requires both parents to be on board.

Sorry OP, I think you are wrong in the assumption that "what is expected of working parents (usually mothers) is not realistic".
As a working parent I never expected to be treated differently than others and I was completely dedicated to work during business hours.

I took a promotion when I went back to work after 9 months of maternity leave and found myself in a new role with lots of responsibility, very sleep deprived and juggling child care with my other half (hello nursery viruses, I am looking at you). However, I really wanted to keep good standards, maintain the brand I worked hard to build at work and progress. I no longer had the luxury of leaving the office whenever I wanted after work, or go to the pub with my colleagues, but I always made sure to give my best at work (and practically sleep walk through life for the remaining time).

Like other posters, I went for and got a promotion 6 months after returning from maternity leave.

But a couple of years later I found myself taking an extended period of compassionate leave as I sat by my daughter's hospital bed, willing her to fight off the IGAS infection that she was in very real danger of not surviving. Luckily she survived. Luckily work was very understanding and generous with paid time off.

However, my entire perspective has changed. I won't stop work as I'm the main earner in our household and, actually, I do quite like my job but hell, yes, I only do as much as I need to get by. I will never put more effort into work than is absolutely necessary because I know only too well just how quickly the rug can be pulled out from under your feet. When you find yourself in freefall because you might be about to lose the most important and precious thing in your world, trust me, all the money, promotions, and recognition at work mean absolutely nothing.

YANBU - I mean, I dunno about bare minimum, but I certainly had no thought of progression, promotion or going above and beyond at work while I had small kids. Some people are still dynamic at work at this stage, but it wasn't for me - indeed I deliberately chose a fairly gentle, non-dynamic career path so work didn't have to dominate my life.

Really?

So you think an employer should accept only 25% of a person's 'energy'? Or am I misunderstanding what you mean?

I've always given 100% of my energy whilst being paid to do so.

@Abutre I'm with you. Being a present mother to a toddler and having a successful professional career just isn't possible. Anyone who thinks it is, is kidding themselves. How can you be on call 24/7 for work and your toddler. How can you work 12 hour days, and still have time for sleep and quality time with your child plus all the other life admin. I think many don't realise what it takes to have a successful professional career in the city. Split responsibility with my husband I hear people say. My response.... we can't afford to both tank our careers and maternity leave gave me a big head start on the tanking.

Would you be happy if the nursery workers you leave your child with every day only did the bare minimum?

Presumably you aren’t expecting them to do their best for your child because they might have small children of their own. So as long as your child is fed and vaguely clean, it doesn’t matter if they don’t get much interaction or anything else because it’s ok for parents to do do the bare minimum, right?

YANBU to not want a promotion.

YABU to say that having a young child means you can't give your all at work. I'm a lone parent and always worked hard!

YABU to think 'having a toddler' is the only reason someone might do the bare minimum to get by at work.

YABU because this won’t apply to all mums.

Id love a promotion but currently avoiding them until children are through nursery as I’d lose the free government hours.

YANBU to say this is enough for me right now but YABU for making sweeping generalisations. I know a fair few mums who’ve come back from mat leave and got a promotion within 12 months and as others have said, there’s also lots of people balancing work with a whole range of personal pressures.

Work for me has always been a sanctuary from the rest of my life, school was the same. I had time off with stress last year due to huge personal issues and got a lot of comments about how you’d never have known I was struggling and my standard of work never changed. I just really like the clear boundaries and the sense of purpose work gives me. We’re all different.

I haven't slept a full night's sleep in over 3 years, but when I get to work, I give my 100% as all my colleagues are there to do the same. My ex-manager asked me when I had my second baby, " You must not be very serious about your career as now you have 2 kids under 3." That angered me to step up my game even more.

Don't give any mote fuel to people like them to think us mothers are not capable of performing at work.

I'll never give the bare minimum at work. I shouldn't be there if that's my attitude to it.
And I say this as a single mum of 3 who doesn't even earn a lot!

You're not helping yourself or others OP. It's quite easy for someone in a recruitment role to pass over a mother for a job without it being apparent that her being a mother is the reason.

An employer is paying you to perform. You need a role where the level of performance required matches what you're prepared/able to give.

I agree with the poster that said if you didn’t want promotion or give work your all that’s up to you. But certainly it’s not all mums. I gave my all and continued to rise in my career. I insisted that care for pick ups etc were 50% between my husband and I. Drop off didn’t work for him in am. So he changed work to do pick ups. He was and is the main earner and rising constantly in his career. As a back up though I had my mum. She would cover any disaster etc. My neighbour also had a son in same after care so we could ask each other for help if running late for pick ups etc. I think it’s all about building resilience into your life when you have small people. Either through friends in same area/boat or with family or both ideally. Then you need to drop the constant home and mother thoughts.

First rule. When management come out with stupid bullshit (which is 99% of the time), agree with them.

As for doing the bare minimum, why not? Getting the wherewithal to keep your child is surely the reason you are there in the first place. Your DC comes first.

While I want to do well in my job, I don't want a promotion. The thought of more responsibility makes me feel sick! Yet, I will do my best while working and am happy to log back on later to get things done.

I'd actually take this as them having noticed you're not giving 100% and trying to gently and tactfully steer you in the direction they want you to go in!

That was my first thought too. OP I presume you realise you can tell your employer that you're not looking for promotion, it's not mandatory after all? However the sense I get is that you don't want to lose out on promotion but want some understanding from your employer that in getting it you won't be giving 100%, because you're a mother. Which is extremely unreasonable if true.

Having kids is a lifestyle choice, not a favour you're doing to society. You're not entitled to still "have it all"

Definitely this.

Its a way of nicely saying 'you're a grifter, put your finger out'

YABU

"I cannot give my all in work when I’m also a mother to a very young child. I feel like it’s a joke to even expect this from a mother."

Seriously??? So people without kids (or who have older children) have to give 100% at work and pick up the slack for you because you made the decision to have a baby so can do the bare minimum???

Get a job that doesn't require as much effort if you're struggling. Not fair on your employer.

Fine not to want to work long unpaid hours in the vague hope of a promotion.

Not fine to do what so many of my mum* colleagues do and do 2/3 of what the workload is, leaving the rest to be covered by other people who are paid the same.

Would you tell your boss to their face that the employer can't expect a mother to do her job properly?

*very few men in my department, those that are dads don't behave like this.

I think it's entirely up to you if you don't want to be promoted, but any employer has the right to expect any employee to give 100% to the job they are being paid for. It's not your employer's fault if you're not prepared to commit to your job and I think your comment that it's a joke to expect someone to give their all to a job when they are a mother to a young child is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on Mumsnet.

I hope this is a deliberately goady thread and you aren’t being serious.

Of course it’s fine not to want to go for promotion and to do what you need to do and no more, whatever your circumstances.

But it’s utterly bizarre and sexist to suggest that many mothers don’t want promotion, or that managers shouldn’t expect them to.

Employers should be flexible but equally when you are at work you should be reasonably focused. We all have bad weeks but if you really can’t be then your partner needs to do more and/or you need better systems or some focus training.

If you don't want a promotion (yet) and cannot function as a full member of the team, why not find a temporary job where it doesn't matter that you are not giving 100%?
Otherwise, it's just selfish, and while understandable, it is not fair on your colleagues, nor those that pay your wage.
You are in a professional role; you should be working professionally

It’s fine to not want a promotion. But “doing the bare minimum to get by” suggests something else to me.