To do the bare minimum to get by at work when you have a toddler and not feel guilty about that?

I have always worked hard and to the best of my ability as a mum to three children. I can’t imagine not doing so. Having dc is not a pass to not work hard with your job.

For me I don't care as much about my career as I used to, and I don't have the headspace and energy to push myself and go for promotions. DC are 10 and 12 now but life is complicated - a lot of illness in the family. I don't do the bare minimum, and I get involved in interesting projects, but I am the same level as I was pre DC. I could say the same of plenty of colleagues with or without kids though - it's not the kind of career where people are always moving / progressing.

Other working parents have progressed, though, even with very young children, so I only speak for myself.

It really depends on-

Your family set up
Your kids
Extended Family support
Childcare set up
Extras - cleaner etc

Some people have a lot of support so can go the extra Mile. Some have a lot of energy. Some find achieving at work easier or fulfilling.

Do what works for you

Speak for yourself. I have a professional job and 2 young children (3 and 13months), I do all childcare drop offs as my husband works away Monday to Friday. I give 110% at work, I’m currently doing a university course to enhance my career prospects and I’ve just applied for 2 promotions. Not all of us can’t cope with giving 110% at a full time job and being a mother.

If you don’t want your boss to help you to progress then just tell them you don’t want to/can’t be bothered.

I feel the same, with 2 kids, 7 and 4. I would like to earn more money but the thought of a promotion with all the extra stress? It's a no.

Give it 100% while you are at work but switch off completely when you are not at work. Nobody should ask more of you than this.

My youngest is 12 but has ADHD and honestly is as much work as newborn bc he barely goes to school and sometimes stays up until 3am. A shift manager said they were interviewing everyone at my level, looking towards promoting someone. Honestly, I'm terrified of the added responsibility, and also the raise will just be counterbalanced by a drop in Universal Credit, so it's not worth it. I just said no thanks.

I think if you get paid for a job you owe it to your work and colleagues to do it to the best of your ability. I work with a pregnant first time mum who is not giving what she could (in my opinion) and this is still allowing for a drop in performance as I know she’s tired.

It’s really hard. My job is really intense and sometimes all I’m thinking about is how much I want to be at home. But I was told ‘act like a lazy person’ because a lazy person will find the easiest way to get the job done to a high standard (not sure I believe this but I like the idea!)

I'm a mum to a young child with ASD and another with a long term condition. I work a job where any less than 100% potentially put lives at risk. Aside from that, my work provides that break from the home stress because it's so full on and requires my all. So regardless of how stressful things are at home, this doesn't impact on my work performance.

So my advice would be to look at work/homelife and decide whether you want to stay in a job that doesn't provide that stimulation that allows you to switch off or look at reducing hours to get a better balance.

I think you YABU that way of thinking is what caused the wage difference and women being overlooked for jobs in case they got PG and it all went to pot. Speak for yourself not all women

Seriously, OP? You become a mother and now that fills your head and you can’t do anything else properly? No.

I give 100% at work, most of us do - if I didn’t, or others didn’t, we’d be found out quite quickly. Everyone on my team are working parents. As well as being working parents, many of us have other caring responsibilities such as elderly relations, family members undergoing treatment, etc. If I’m honest, my employer doesn’t give a s**t what’s going on outside our working hours, as long’s the job’s done. Expectations are placed on us as we command the salary we do, regardless of life outside our working environment.

Sounds to me that you might feel you're doing the bare minimum but your manager feels you're doing enough to be heading for a promotion.
Whatever, it's up to you. Work to live; not live to work.

We have a nearly 2 year old who’s always unwell due to nursery lurgi’s!
As soon as I turn my laptop on in work I am in work and my mind barely strays to home life as I’m client facing several times a day, if I allowed my home life to seep into my head I wouldn’t be able to help my clients to the best of my ability. Sure I have days where I cba but unfortunately, my clients ability to feed their families or pay their rent often depends on me to assist.
YANBU as in your role is probably different to mine in that way however, if I was to have that mentality, it would have sometimes severe consequences as I deal with a lot of safeguarding issues and if my home life outweighed the clients suicide risk or violent situation then that client might not be with me for my next appointment.

OP disappeared? What a surprise. Either off writing the article or reeling from the responses.

Also. WTF do you think single parents do?

As I said, minimum effort does not equal doing less than what you are contracted to do. Expending the least effort to fulfil your job requirement is not a crime. If you want to bend over backwards making someone else a profit then be my guest, but OP is entitled to conserve her energy for her family life.

Yes it will depend where you start/what you are aiming for. There is a section of mumsnet that thinks you are failing miserably if not on 6 figures and rapidly heading for a c suite role and I suspect if that’s your definition of success that may well require 14 hour days etc.

No one I work with (financial/IT services) regularly does those kinds of hours but some are on over £100k in the north of England and many on over £50k. Majority over 35 have kids. I consider us all to have pretty successful careers.

When/if the time comes for the promotion to b discussed seriously, just state the honest reason why you can't do it, and need to stay in your current role.

I'm with you, definitely. But plenty of my friends have gone back to work with a six month old baby and are excelling at their careers. I'm just letting my career tick over until my youngest is 3 or so, then I will start actively pursuing promotion.

Are you the one carrying the mental load? In work hours, I am mostly completely focused on the job. There are difficult times e.g. when children are ill that I might be a bit distracted, but this is the odd occasion. However my DH shares things equally, so I can rely on him for 50% of school runs and 50% of dealing with ill kids, taking them to the dentist etc. Tbh it annoys me how much others in my work have to pick up the slack for those who under work, which is usually because they have children and insufficient childcare. You are entitled to put in the minimum effort, but don't assume everyone is the same.

I guess it depends on where you work and the culture of that organisation but if work where I do then you'd receive very little consideration with absolutely zero prospect of promotion and a bare minimum pay rise.

You said that her minimum effort should result in minimum wage, when that's not the case at all.

@CelesteCunningham I was replying to someone, what are you talking about 😂

My minimum effort results in a hell of a lot more than minimum wage.

The workers' at my DC's nursery receive little more than minimum wage for maximum effort.

Surely the fact that wages and effort aren't particularly related isn't a new fact to you?

I work full time, have a ten month old in full time nursery. DH works away all week so I do all nursery runs and bed time on my own.

I work hard at work because its important to me. I work hard at being a mum because its important to me.

I dont think having a child is an excuse to do the bare minimum at work. I think thats a cop out