To do the bare minimum to get by at work when you have a toddler and not feel guilty about that?

If you don't want to go for promotion then don't buy whilst you are at work I think you should focus on your job. When you leave work focus on your family.

We all have shit going on. My DH has metastatic cancer. Compartmentalising is a useful skill for me.

I absolutely do not give 100% at my job. I give enough to do excellent work, which for me is about 40% of my capacity. My company pays me a B- salary with A+ benefits. I do A+ work, I’m just really good at my job 🤷‍♀️. A huge part of the reason I am where I am is it has never taken me anything like full time hours to do a job so instead of twiddling my thumbs for half the week, I work from home and my boss is ok if I go skiing half the time so I accept a less than top of the market salary because I only actually have to work 20 hours a week and there are no jobs in my field that pay enough for me to be willing to give that up.

I do think it’s ok to do work that’s good enough, but not ok to do poor quality work because you have a kid. And certainly not ok to be late because you chose to live a 1.5 hour commute from where you work. And I’m sure you’ll say it’s because of housing costs but that is still a choice. You chose a kid that meant you wanted a bigger house. You chose this career. You chose to need whatever size house you have.

Who would do the Nursery run if your work schedule dictated otherwise?

I'm surprised by your view. If any manager said that, most would be thrilled. Do you have low self esteem? Do you not think you're capable?

Yanbu I am exactly the same at the moment with my young toddler. I also worked really hard for my professional career and used to out in very long hours

@1offnamechange I think the definition of 'bare minimum' is quite interesting. In relation to what you said vs 'not being a priority'.
In some workplaces, doing as little as possible means others needing to 'cover', yes. Sometimes because management is incompetent and relies on goodwill instead of staffing adequately. Other times because it's impossible to fire a slacker. In which case, I completely agree with you.
In others, doing your job adequately is seen as the 'bare minimum'. And if you're not constantly pushing for promotion, going 'above and beyond' etc you're seen as a slacker! Somewhat justifiable though if you're earning double the median salary.

OP needs to clarify what she's referring to.

I voted YABU because your header was completely different to your actual post!
YANBU if what you're actually asking is it okay for you personally to just want to do your job as is and not go above and beyond doing extra or try for promotion for a few years while your child is young. Of course that's fine, and tbh the child part is irrelevant - there's no obligation for anyone, whether they have kids or not, to go beyond their job role or to climb the career ladder if they've found a role they are happy with and want to stick at.

But YABU to speak for all mums with toddlers, and YABU if you actually mean do the bare minimum - they are employing you to do the job, you need to do it to a good enough standard. Otherwise where does it end? Is it just mums with toddlers or dads too? What about if you get pregnant again, surely it could be justifiable to do the bare minimum then if you're not feeling great and you're going to be off for up to a year anyway? And once your first child is in school and you've had 3-4 years of coasting do you get another 3 if you then have a second or third child? What about if you have a disabled child, or long term illness, or when you become a carer for your parents, or go through the menopause - basically you could spend a whole career with justifications as to why you can't possibly be expected to work to standard, while everyone else in the office (who will also have their own issues) has to work harder to cover you.

It's fine for your job not to be your main priority for a few years (or ever!), for any reason, but that's completely different to 'doing the bare minimum.'

Why would you not consider a promotion if your manager already thinks you're doing well? Depends on the role/company I guess and what you think the expectations are but I worry that too many women take themselves out of the running for career progression and hamper their earning potential. I know what's right for one person isn't right for another but for me continuing to develop my career has been incredibly important for my financial independence and security.

Yeah. Probably not the life stage where you’re looking to train for a new job!

it’s not unreasonable to do what you need to for work and no more - regardless of mother/kid/parent situation. And it’s also not unreasonable to have a chat with hubby about him picking up some slack at home so you can ramp up for work if that’s what you want!

do what you like. But blaming motherhood is setting back working moms, please stop that!

I try to give 100% but there are some weeks when my DS isn’t sleeping that I can’t do that. I’m also pregnant and suffering my fatigue and pain from that. I give as much of my energy as I can so I always give 100% in that way but what that looks like varies from week to week. I can’t work late like my colleagues as I need to get home to my boy and by the time dinner, bed and bath are done it’s only an hour before I have to go to bed myself!
So yes, my work ethic looks different to what it did pre child but I, and most parents of young children, am doing the best that I can. I’m still on track for promotion (probably after I come back from maternity leave after this one) so it can’t be too awful.

No tow people have the same experience of motherhood, or the same priorities. There is no right or wrong in my opinion, we all just do our best. But equally it isn’t wrong for your boss to have said that & to be considering promotions. If anything, most people would have an issue (rightly!) if you had been bypassed because you are a mum! It’s about you being clear on what you want & having open conversations with your boss

I think you're being massively unreasonable to be honest.

It's fine if you'd rather not be at work - I get that not everyone has a choice and that can make being at work really hard. But for some mothers like me, work is where I get to be my own person, where I get a tiny bit of recognition for me being me, and not having to be constantly responsible for others, I get to shine. I got 2 large promotions and changed career whilst being the mother of 2 toddlers. It made me more efficient and effective if nothing else!

Having said that, I'm not a very natural "mother" and the thought of not working other than parenting scares me shitless! I figure if you find leaving your child hard and would prefer to be sahp (I hate that phrase!) then I can see how work would feel like a chore.

If they want me to do 110% of the work then pay me 110% salary- but seriously you're replaceable at work not replaceable at home, for me at the moment work pays me to work my designated hours if i can get away with the bare minimum ill do it

I think you are reading too much into your managers comment OP, it may be that they genuinely want to promote you even while knowing you may be coming short here and there BUT want to help you gently progress along with the promotion. Think of it that way OR some poster here noted as a tactful way to gently steer you the right way. Either way you wont lose out. Take the promotion and if you cant be honest with your manager, it's also about trust. My manager knows some days I slag due to my child's needs but i ALWAYS make up for that and deliver my best. So it may be that they are picking up on this and possibly like to support you with flexibility.

Or i may be wrong but this how i feel.

Also, c'mon folks- OP is only reacting to what she feels not generalising all working mums.be gentle

I feel like you Op. I just don’t have the energy, motivation, brain power. I don’t excel at work anymore. Though I think I probably worked too hard because I still get fantastic feedback.

Omg do me a favour 😂😂😂

Omg this.

Ask yourself are you living to work or working to live? Your little one won't always be a little one... onvious I know but true.

I give 100% but I do a job im over qualified for and bored with. I work in a really stressful industry and just couldn't take on a bigger role without burnout. So my career has stalled. It's bloody depressing but we can't afford the childcare we need to help us have time to progress our careers.

Sounds to me like a boss who appreciates what you bring to the role and sees someone working above their current role who they need to reward with a promotion rather than taking advantage. Not unreasonable at all. They are saying “I see how hard you work for me and I want it formally recognised that you are worthy of more”. It’s also perfectly fine to say no thank you. But make sure they know you may want to revisit in a couple of years.

You either need to look at alternative childcare arrangements or reduce your hours to start half an hour later if you can’t get to work on time. There is only so long your boss will stand for you being late 2,3,4 times a week before you’ll find yourself with a disciplinary, using childcare/traffic as an excuse is not really your bosses problem if you’re being paid to be there at a specific time. I say this as someone who had to find a nursery that opened 15 minutes earlier so that I could get to work on time everyday, it would be taking the piss if I was late every other day.

I think some people can do both well. I'm not one of those people. I had to reduce my hours at work because I just couldn't cope with everything. I feel a lot more productive now. My job is difficult and I need to put a huge amount of focus when I'm there and there's no space for thinking about home. When I was full time I felt like I was doing everything badly. Now I feel like I'm able to manage everything effectively.