To do the bare minimum to get by at work when you have a toddler and not feel guilty about that?

Also no one would dream of not putting a new dad on a promotion pathway, so why should the expectation be different for mother's?

I think it's very reasonable that your manager isn't treating you differently because you had a child. My workplace were scrupulous about this with me and it really made a difference to my self esteem, knowing I hadn't been "mummy tracked". That said, I personally wasn't up to devoting myself to work completely with a child as well, I just can't do it. I'm a worse mum than I wanted to be and my career dreams have gone up in flames. Truly the worst of all worlds. So I understand the sentiment and it applies to me as well, but still, it's a decision for us to make and not for managers to impose. Manager is right to keep treating you as the worker you were before children, because a lot of women want that still.

I see your bosses comment as being positive. I see how hard your working- let’s talk about promotions at the end of the year. That’s my interpretation.

Just carry on OP I think you’re probably doing better than you think

I know how you feel OP. Personally I coped fine with demanding work plus one young child, but I'm currently trying to deal with demanding work plus two young children plus some additional caring responsibilities for an adult family member who is long-term ill, and I'm totally not able to give 100% at work - realistically not even able to give even 70%-ish most days. I feel like I've been sleepwalking through my career for the last few years, even though I've had a promotion during that time.

I'm looking to move to something lower paid but with more family friendly hours in the next few months, still relevant to my current area of practice but public sector so none of the client schmoozing or billing stuff required. I think it will suit me and make family life a lot easier and happier too.

It does feel a bit crap to have studied and worked for so long and to have family life snuff out my ambition like this, but hey ho. I've seen lots of women do it in my industry, I guess I used to pity them a bit but now I get why.

I have a young toddler. I spend a lot of time at work also thinking about "home stuff". But I also LOVE my job and want to do it well, so I do. If I'm distracted by important home stuff, I'll sort it out and then go back to work. If it's not important I'll write it on my list and sort it later. I had a promotion within a few months of coming back from mat leave.

It's not a mindset every mother has. My boss and I (babies very close in age) both want to spend as much time with our toddlers as possible and aren't actively seeking promotions or changes, although that doesn't mean we wouldn't consider opportunities if they arose. However, another colleague who had their baby the same kind of time has had two promotions since returning from mat leave and was already much more senior.

It's absolutely fine for you to not want to progress in your career at the moment. Everyone has different priorities. It's not ok to tar everyone with the same brush. Because we all have different priorities, and circumstances, and lives, and jobs.

Yes of course YABU to do the bare minimum at work because you have a young child.
What are you even thinking?!
Many people at work have stuff going on which you may not even know about - medical conditions, carer responsibilities, family problems etc but you carry on and do your best.
I used to work with someone who had your attitude and co workers found it difficult because we had to pick up the slack

you obviously feel overwhelmed but that’s not works fault. I understand that feeling but had no option but to care for my SEN child, rescue dog and deal with family stuff including mental health issues. I am quite old too! It only got too much when I was pushed to do 50 hours plus.
i don’t think it’s unrealistic at all to be a parent and cope ok at work, sounds like there’s something else going on for you. Does your work offer any well-being packages?

I once had a colleague who was generally late every day and left early mostly and often bleated on about her having a small child and expected everyone to accomodate her...she was self entitled and very annoying.

I felt like this when my kids were small. I just didn’t have the headspace for thinking about progressing at work. Now they are both in school, I’m starting to think more about career progression again. My kids were not great sleepers so I was permanently exhausted and just trying to get through the day. I think it’s totally fine to say to your boss you are not up for promotion at this point.

Why do you think that you deserve a special treatment in comparison to someone who doesn’t have a child. It is your choice to have a child.

I have a serious health condition myself, a recently widowed mum and my husband has cancer, and I have at certain periods been up most of the night with him, then gone into work. I have had two big promotions in the couple of years this has been the case, and bonuses. My job is full time and involves long hours. I'm knackered and have a lot on my mind, but quite honestly work is source of self-esteem and stops me going mad. I manage by compartmentalising. So short answer, yes it's perfectly possible to go above and beyond at your job with other big things going on in your life. It sounds like you don't want to, and that's fine too.

Yes, you bloody well should feel guilty!

This attitude is what sets womens rights back 40 years.

The work you do in your existing role should enable you to develop skills and breadth of experience over time and eventually those skills/experience make you worthy of promotion.

This assumes that everyone wants promotion and that there are an unlimited number of promoted roles. In many workplaces a person can be perfectly competent and content staying at the level they’re on. And there’s nothing wrong with that!

You should not have to "give 110%" to get promoted ffs

The work you do in your existing role should enable you to develop skills and breadth of experience over time and eventually those skills/experience make you worthy of promotion.

I can’t speak for everyone (I don’t think you should try and speak for all mothers of small children TBH) but I was more effective when I went back to work from mat leave. I was better at working quicker, more efficiently, faffing less and compartmentalising. There were days I might have been tired and a bit below par, but that’s the same for everyone - not just the domain of new parents. I think it gives parents of small children a bad name if it’s assumed they get an easier life than others who earn the same.

people like you are the reason why it is so hard for working mums to get promoted and be in leadership roles. As you are doing the bare minimum many bosses would expect other mothers to do the bare minimum and this bias would prevent them to be put for promotion, been given the nice projects etc.
luckly there are many mothers who give 110% at work and stretch themselves even when they have small kids. I am one of them. I have always worked hard, top of the class, got a phd, I am just hard working and I don’t mind staying up late to work hard instead of watching tv. Each to their own but if you are slacking just get a different easier job and do not tarnish it for all the hard working mothers out there

There seems to be a misunderstanding here.
I never said that women are not allowed to feel like working after they have kids. The point I’m making is expecting bare min from mums. It’s saying let’s write off mums (stereotyping all mums) that after kids they all want to do bare min. it’s the expectation that mums should be put in a bucket that we have given up on careers. If women want to do that great for them. Give up work, focus on your kids only. I encourage them to do this! But don’t go back to work and do a mediocre job and say it’s because your a mum the expectation needs to be lowered.

This is beyond ridiculous. Women on MN are so emotional 😂 OP is allowed to feel like this, she isn’t putting it on every other women/mum. Women are allowed to not want to feel like working after they have children. Women are allowed to not want to feel like working if they don’t have children. Anyone is allowed to feel like that. Get a grip.

What do you mean by highly successful?
Normally if it’s a job where you don’t need to be specifically on time like a call center, medical staff, client facing, shop floor etc. there’s some flex. Can you not pick up the hours other lunchtime or do nighttime if there’s deadlines?
For someone who you mention is highly successful you’ll have more leverage at work and they’ll have to be more flexible with you?
Saying that mum’s should be doing bare min is deeply offensive in my view as it sends all women back 100s of years. We have worked so hard to be treated as equals and words like this just men ammunition to not hire us or other women without kids to think mums are slackers and should never be promoted as we can’t do both. This makes me really mad as someone who after kids has busted myself to get to where I am. Women like this ruin it for the hard working mums. If you can’t hack it quit! Don’t ruin it for others.

I think it sounds like your a bit overwhelmed and please don’t think I’m being rude maybe a little depressed, I had those thoughts and lack of motivation before, imagine all mothers done the bare minimum at work, and the impact it would have there’s GPs, surgeons , lawyers , bus drivers , teachers etc all mums imagine they where not expected to fulfil there role fully because they are a mum or do the same as those not a mother?
maybe it’s about being aware of your capabilities as a Mum and what this allows you to do and If you can’t fulfil your role finding another job,

Put your words into your bosses mouth

and then see if you feel that would be discrimination

if you don't want a promotion right now as you have a lot on at home fair enough- many parents and carers feel the same at stages in life

but plenty do infact being a. Mum often makes people focus even more on promotion etc as if they are at work anyway and away from the child they may as well get as much out of it financially and career wise as possible

One person's 50 percent is another person's 110 percent. Depends on the job, the person the timing etc..

Yes, tell them that you're giving 110%

You're giving your version of it

‘I think it’s stuff like expecting me to be in by 9am sharp… sometimes it’s literally not possible with nursery drop off where there’s traffic.

Or this idea that everything can be dropped for work…and yes almost everything is… everything except my child.’

If you start work at 9am then you should be there at 9am sharp, that’s not unreasonable for them to expect that.

Obviously you can’t drop everything for work if it’s your day or for example if your child is ill. But if you’re already in work and your child’s in childcare I think it’s fair enough for them to expect you to work to the same standards as someone without children.