To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

I think Grandparents are often the saviours. We had none that helped and DH works shifts so it was impossible. Also our kids are always fecking ill! The holiday clubs around here did school hours but no wraparound care so again not great. Our leave of 10 weeks didn't cover the 13 weeks of holiday (especially when they went to different schools and had different fecking holidays for 4 weeks of the year taking up to 17 weeks) this also meant we would never had time for a family holiday. How lone parents manage is amazing (and must be with some help otherwise impossible).

I guess I am in the minority as I don’t find working full time with kids a struggle. I do have a very low stress job though and a husband who pulls his weight. We don’t have elderly parents that need looking after as well which I can imagine would hugely complicate things, on the flip side of that we’ve never had any parental help with kids either.

Maybe as we had children later in life we have a different perspective - we benefit from this wisdom that invariably comes with age and don’t really put ourselves in the position of ever getting to the point of feeling overwhelmed.

It's stressful at all ages. Even when older you have elderly parents to care for, often at the same time as parenting teenagers. I found the early years especially hard, but then did have four kids so only myself to blame, but juggling that with working nightshifts etc was the worst time of my life. I often feel i should look back on those years with good memories but I can't because it was all awful.

In a word, NO.

No it's never been my experience. I've been part time since having my eldest though and would have had to hire a cleaner if I had stayed full time. Dh is an equal parent and has more flexibility in his role so it wasn't automatically me taking time off if any of the kids were sick. I'm self employed and he has been able to compress his hours so we don't need childcare. He realises work /life balance is important to our family and is supportive of it. I am naturally organised but have a routine that keeps on top of everything as we don't have any help. Again dh does his bit as soon as he steps through the door. It's busy with 3 but I love it. I am aware though that if I had to work full time or had a useless dh I would struggle.

So glad it's not just me!

Definitely, I have a 1yo and work full-time and there is a constant feeling that, whatever I am doing, I should be doing something else.

Washing basket constantly overflowing, dishwasher needing loading/unloading, toys need tidying...never ends.

Not the previous poster, but for me: 1) mine are rarely ill these days, way less than they were as preschoolers, 2) these days I can and do just WFH with them tucked up in bed or on the couch and just check on them occasionally. Holidays, there are plenty of holiday camps around that offer full days.

I don't know, I haven't got the time or headspace to think about it. I'll get back to you in a decade or two, once the kids have left home. 😵‍💫

Busy, yes, overwhelmed, no. And busy because I’ve chosen to take promotions when available (as has DH), which has meant more meetings that run past 9-5. But we throw money at things (cleaner etc) and DH pulls his weight so (baring any unexpected problems) it’s manageable.

Holiday clubs, sometimes grandparents. Obviously we used all our leave ( not always at the same time!) sick days I used to wfh or use flexi time, was lucky they weren’t very sicky kids tbh Less than 10 or so days each to the end of primary I’d say. I think a couple of times I took unpaid leave , I also used to buy extra annual leave too which was helpful and over the summer sometimes working 4 long days and having the 5th off in flexi ( which we aren’t allowed to do anymore )

I wasn’t overwhelmed as a full time working Mum. I’m very overwhelmed as a part time working Mum, I find the parenting harder.

Interesting. How did you manage holidays and sick children? That was the hardest bits for me.

There’s a difference between working hard and being overwhelmed. I’ve gone with your title and voted YABU based on my own experience of working FT as a single parent.

100%
Overwhelmed, emotional, tired. No family to help or even visit. A husband who doesn't get it. It's hard, but apparently normal 🤷‍♀️

Whilst it isn't a competition or race to the bottom I do think it's a bit disingenous to suggest as a pp did that we're all struggling just in different ways. Clearly if you have 1 NT child, a fully engaged partner and enough money coming in to either buy help or at least know you have headroom for treats, holidays or emergencies then clearly that's going to be easier than 2 ND teens, no support and struggling to meet the basic bills. I think the problem here and elsewhere is that there is FAR too much "well I did X so you can too" or "why are you making such a fuss about Y, you can just do...." without any real consideration of the resources available.

Yes. It's largely because a lot of men are shit and don't pull their weight.

Being a working mum is usually a completely different gig to being a working dad.

In my next life, I will be a working dad.

There are moments of being overwhelmed, but most of the time i don't feel particularly stressed. 1 baby and 1 in primary school, work full time same as DH, most days still gave a good few hours in the evening once kids are in bed to sit down and watch tv, or do gym classes. My job isn't overly stressful so means 9hrs of my day are without kids and pretty relaxed

I honestly don’t think it’s that hard. Sure when they get the school rather than nursery it’s faffy and it’s hard to juggle the holidays but I really don’t get the big fuss. I guess I don’t know any different, when they were small I worked full time and I was married to their dad who was out of the country for 4-5 months of the year, then I worked full time as a single parent, now they are both early teens and I still work full time , I’ve been promoted 5 times since they were born. I am married again now so share some of the life load ( I still do 75% if house related stuff ) but even when I did it all, I never felt like it wasn’t doable or that I was overwhelmed. Maybe I’m lucky or maybe because there has never really been an alternative I’ve just got on with it.

I agree with this. My dcs are in primary school, mental health wise I'm much happier working compared to when I was a sahm.

It's definitely overwhelming. But I think as well as making sure partners are pulling their weight etc. we (or at least I did!) also need a shift from thinking that we have to do everything well, to thinking that good enough is good enough. And even done badly is maybe better than not at all. Much of my overwhelm comes from the gap between what I think I should be doing and what I am able to get done in the various areas of my life. My husband doesn't feel the overwhelm because he's not putting any pressure on himself like I do.

I am in awe of those of you that work full time with young chn. I was a sahm until youngest was 3 and at free nursery and then only worked 2 days 9-3 a week. Went to working every morning when she started school.

Overwhelmed? No. Busy yes, stretched sometimes yes, but if I need time for me I get it. DH is a real parent and isn't any less busy or stretched than me.

DOI: work FT, two primary kids, also doing a masters.

I worked ft when my children were small, as did my xdh. It was tough, I remember it being tough, I was tired but, I felt in control. There was a routine and it was what it was. Plates span, and sometimes I dropped one or two. But generally it was manageable. Now my dc are teenagers/young adults, and I would give anything to go back and find that control. I'm exhausted now in a totally different way. Time to myself is non existent. My dc would be in bed when they were little, for example and I could potter about but that time was mine. Now, as teenagers they have their own lives and those plates spin faster than ever. Ads to that aging parents and other live stresses and I do wonder why I ever complained years ago. But maybebits Rose tinted glasses. I don't think giving up work would make it any easier though.

No not for me. I work full time and have a 3 year old. I think it's easy with the 1. Plus he's always been an easy child. Everything is split between me and DH pretty fairly.