To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

When my girls were little, mums with older kids would tell me that the teen stage was hardest. I used to think 'but HOW could that be?'

Now I know

Going through a heart wrenching separation at the moment, this made me well up. I have struggled
to see a silver lining, but I can cling on to this.

Mine are a little older now so easier in many ways but I took a wfh job full time 16 years ago before I had my kids and it’s been amazing for me in terms of flexibility and seeing the kids for more of the day. I could earn more but what I have is enough and it’s enabled me to spread the load and not worry about the commute.

I have overwhelming days but I'm sure SAHM's do too. I don't feel overwhelmed day to day, I love my career and it isn't always easy balancing it with being a parent but it's most definitely worth it.

Yes not easy. I dont feel its got easier Im part T. Then elderly parents are demanding.... so u always pulled all ways

@BringMeSunshineAllDayLong I have to say that as a lone parent to two with additional needs (and one under investigation) I spend most of my life chasing my tail and running from one thing to another. I can't work full time as the kids need me and I have no substantial childcare available (no after school clubs or childminder places available). I've got annual leave at the moment and gone down with the lurgey, I think my body has just had enough and taken advantage of me not having to be out early and busy to have a meltdown. Hopefully I'll be recovered before schools go back on Monday. People (sometimes on here) have the cheek to tell people in my position that we're lazy because we're not working longer hours to get off the dreaded universal credit too.

I'm a single mum. I don't feel overwhelmed exactly. Slightly giggly and hysterical on occasion but I haven't actually cracked yet. 😁

@SummerFeverVenice I can't get a childminder for my DS. The one I used pre pandemic went bust as did many locally. Now places are at a premium and there is no one at all collecting from his school. It's had a big effect on my job and stress levels in general. Changing school is not an option.

It’s super busy, and full on but I don’t feel overwhelmed? The only times I did feel overwhelmed was when I’ve had to take a DC to A&E which is very rarely.

I think parents have it easier today with paid maternity leave, free hours of childcare, flexible working as a legal right, and lots of childminders available.

I was utterly overwhelmed working FT, with 2 primary aged DC with SN. (I burnt out. Twice).

I now work PT self employed but there are still many days when I struggle.

DC2 has weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, 6 monthly and annual medical appointments that I need to keep on top of.

DC1 has monthly, 6 weekly, 6 monthly and annual medical appointments.

DC1 is also currently being investigated for something which has required 3 Dr appointments, 1 scan and a blood test so far.

Both do 2 sessions of sport clubs a week plus occasional weekend competitions.

We have no family or friend support network (recently moved overseas).

DH does what he can but is a C suite executive so has MANY responsibilities through work. The plus side is that money is the one thing I don't have to worry about.

Last year my DS2 missed 50% of his school time: through school refusal, strikes, illness and teacher absence. Suffice to say, I struggled a LOT! (Especially with never knowing if school was going to call me to collect him).

There are so many variables. I would be a lot less overwhelmed and stressed if I had 2 generally healthy NT kids and I could safely work without worrying about being called to school. Or how I'm going to fit in all the appointments.

I was once talking to a colleague and saying how my stress levels rose every time my mobile rang at work. She was astonished because she just dropped her DD off at school and didn't think about her again until it was time to pick her up from ASC.

It’s hard work but the money is wonderful and gives me kids many opportunities they wouldn’t have otherwise. It’s all very well saying “kids just need free activities like a kick around the park” when they’re young. That doesn’t work with teenagers or if you’re hoping to support them through university

I am completely overwhelmed. It doesn't help that I have to go to the office every day. It would be much easier if I could WFH, that would save me over 10 hours of commute a week that I could use to start getting dinner ready earlier, for example. I am always rushing. It is awful

Yeah, I’m knackered

What a ridiculous comment. There are loads of factors other than the presence or absence of a partner. As I said upthread, the presence of neuro-diversity or physical illness / disability, dependent older parents, the type of work and commute the parent has. Do you live in a small village with lots of supportive adults on the school run or in a busy town where nowhere really knows everyone? Even if it was easy and foolproof to select a "good" partner, they are not the solution. Right now, I have a wonderful partner of several years but we dont live together and he has his own kids and fitting in seeing him is another thing to schedule rather than any kind of solution.

I think that the biggest factor is the father.

So if both parents are pulling a full shift, working and children, then both are basically fine.

Whereas if only one parent is doing all the working, or all the children stuff, and the other doesn't pull their weight then inevitably the one person doing absolutely everything will be overwhelmed

People who feel overwhelmed probs just needs better husbands/partners, if the load is shared it’s fine. I was a single mum for years and also managed fine however, didn’t love it but didn’t feel overwhelmed.

I agree that the comparison helps. I have been overwhelmed but now things are easier so it's fine. I cut my hours slightly so I now only work full time hours instead of constant free overtime, my husband is an equal partner, and we have just enough money to throw it at problems. We also don't push too hard for perfection and both thrive under pressure.

Edited to add please don't compare yourself to me, it took a lot of time to get to this point and not everyone has the support needed to get there.

Definitely felt less overwhelmed - in fact not overwhelmed at all- when we had one child under 3 in reliable childcare and I had a full-on job.

Now we have two DC under 7 and the eldest is at school and I still have a full-on job and am over 40 and it is exhausting!

The early mornings, the constant mess, the "mummy mummy mummy?" for a million times a day, the different demands from school every day of the week for a different bit of paper or a donation or a new bit of homework, the relentless feeling of not doing anything particularly well, the lack of support from any other family members, the all-consuming worry about whether the kids will be ok, happy, healthy...the having to hide all of the above when at work to appear competent, calm, like you've had more than 90 seconds to put your clothes and make-up on....

It's unbelievably draining. And I love my kids. And I like my job. And my DP is great. And we have a cleaner. None of that stops me from finding it all just really fucking hard.

Never really felt overwhelmed, I'm a completely lone parent working full time, done it this way for years. Been on my own since DS was 10 months old, he's 16 years now.

I just don't put pressure on myself and never have.

No, not really. But my kids are older teens now and maybe there are more pressures on mothers now?
I certainly didn’t hold myself to any super high standards. They did 1 organised activity a week each, which varied over the years, plus lots of holiday clubs ( for childcare). I didn’t do loads of ferrying about - did lots of local and cheap stuff- worked shorter hours to be at wrap around care by 4.45 and had some family help ( this would be the main reason it was easier I’m sure).
I also did lots of childcare swaps in holidays / sick days/ inset days and had a spreadsheet of all my mum friends working hours, and was always willing to say “yes” to a desperate parent who needed last minute childcare if I was off work that day so I had lots of goodwill chips to use.
Mainly though, I was single for most of it, so never found myself picking up after a man!

It's the whole you have to raise children as if you don't work and work as if you don't have children that l find so true

Single parent working full time since my son was 8 months and now he is 8 years old. Hate it.

As a SAHM, I look at families with x2 FT working parents in awe. Even the ones where all loads are shared equally.

Overwhelm is an emotional state, some people cope with pressure and stress better than others. But NONE of the families I see around me are able to do it all: they have to work like they don't have families, raise their children and care for parents like they don't have jobs. Something has to give, and generally it's standards (at work, at home, re children, re parents). That might not be a bad thing, but many of my peers seem to lurch from crisis to crisis, fighting fires constantly, and many of them drink a lot. It's too much for them, and all in order to just pay the mortgage and live to a decent standard. I'm certainly very, very appreciative of my good fortune.

I was a SAHM.. home educated mine... never overwhelmed. I'd do it all again.
I did all the house work too.. kids stuff.
Husband worked ( a lecturer) did DIY.. maintained cars/ motorbikes.
Hands on Dad.