To think most working mums are overwhelmed?

imagine if all mums just downed tool And refused to work the world would literally stop I think! Maybe then people
would take notice

This! Exhausted doesn’t even cover it there doesn’t seem to be any give from schools either or life in general it’s hard!

Thank you! This is exactly how I feel. Mother now have to be everything to everyone and it’s exhausting.

I had to give up a job I loved as I just couldn’t cope with the stress of constantly letting someone down and having no family help.

God, yes. Mine are 20 and 16 now. I could only take 3 weeks off when dd1 was born (self employed plus managing a house build) and I've felt at capacity for pretty much all of the last 20 years tbh. Still self employed so good flexibility for school runs etc but still realllly tough with no help from exh. Now they're older it's different stresses but there's a lot of emotional support needed and they obviously stay up pretty late so I've long since lost my evenings. I get the odd night/weekend to myself these days when they can bring themselves to see their Dad and that helped a lot, even if only to catch up on all the housework etc.

I adore my girls, I'm proud of how I've raised them despite their twat of a father, I'm grateful for the relationship we all have now, and have had over the years. But my God I am TIRED and find being the Fixer for everyone - including work and elderly parents 2.5 hours away - really tough. Menopause is not helping either. I regularly feel overwhelmed and try to get a handle on it but one crisis is enough to tip the balance most of the time, at least in my own head.

Do you have support of a partner? The only friends I have who are run ragged have quite unsupportive partners or are single.

Throw in a parent with advanced dementia and it's even tougher

There isn’t a choice is there.

Yes I work and have 2 under 7. No family support or help. Husband works long shift patterns that changes every 2 days and I'm so overwhelmed it's unreal. We struggle and I'm very stressed about our fixed rate mortgage ending this summer. ☹️

How on earth do you manage. That is immense.

I am. I'm a single parent to an ASD daughter (12) who has fluctuating SSH ideation. I work full time, thankfully WFH, and it's the mental load that is draining. Her dad has nothing to do with her. It's often just the mother who bears the mental load of the household, no matter if there are two parents, or just one.

Just to add, I'm not talking about kids with SEN as that's a totally different ballgame.

I couldn't agree more! It pisses me off too as it's definitely easier to have just one job instead of two, which working mums have! The level of stress caused by external demands of work is incomparable with the stress that staying at home obviously also causes. Yes, both are exhausting, but at least no one can fire you from being a mum and you don't have to constantly juggle your kids' needs (especially when sick!) with the needs of a boss who's not cutting you any slack because you've been up all night with a sick toddler (which is in turn the said boss' right as it's your job after all). Anyhoo...

I found it much much easier when I was working - at the time I thought it was hard but it’s nothing compared to now not working and home educating due to SEN.
When I was working there were so many ‘breaks’ - the commute, a coffee break, change of task, lunch etc, very defined schedule and now it’s 24/7 chaos

Same for us.

The thing that is more of a pain about primary school is the admin around constantly changing PE days, short notice events etc but it's more than offset by the fact that the kids are much less intense than they were as toddlers.

I disagree it gets harder once at primary school, It obviously varies by area, but we have no problem with holiday clubs, 8-5:30 is quite standard here. During term time we use breakfast club and after school club so hours are basically the same as they were for nursery. I've gound it less stressful as DD is happy to entertain herself after school etc, so demands on me are much less than when she was little

Those saying it gets harder once they are in school, I disagree. Yes finding holiday clubs is hard and working around school hours is ridiculous. The juggle gets harder.

Nothing for me beats working in a demanding job, no family help and pre school kid/ constant illness/ baby that doesn't sleep and need supervision constantly. I was a physical wreck during that time and have no idea how we survived looking back. I have more of a village of school mums I can ask for help now.

At least most children ( SEN excluded- those mums are in a different league of difficult juggling it all) sleep/ can entertain themselves better once in school.

4YO and 1YO here 🙋🏼‍♀️

I work 9-3 around school run (x2 as youngest can’t go to sisters school until he’s 2) lucky to be in a situation where I could drop my hours if I wanted to but honestly need work to stay sane and we enjoy the luxuries with the extra income. We are all clean/fed and clothes are always washed but the house is a tip 90% of the time. Hoping this gets easier as the kids get older but it’s the one thing that we do struggle to keep on top of, some days I just want to bin everything so it looks tidy for a hot minute

I have a friend who calls herself a ‘full time mum’ because she cares for her child in the day whilst her husband works. It pisses me off so much- we are all full time mums, just some of us have to work for a living as well!!

See I wonder if this phenomenon somewhat feeds into the bigger problem of loneliness and how difficult it can be to build meaningful community and relationships. If a sizeable chunk of people are too overwhelmed by family responsibilities to have social lives and another chunk are choosing to focus on "their little family", then there are going to less potential people available to engage with.

It’s so very hard. I’m just about keeping above water at the moment. My dc are good and my work is fine but everything that is just me has suffered - my social life is non existent, my health is completely neglected, I seem to be piling on the pounds as food is my only outlet. Full time job working 60 hours a week, two small dc, elderly parents who need a lot of help and a dh who needs a lot of support at the moment. It’s too much. Suffocating from being sandwiched between the needs of everyone

I never felt overwhelmed despite very little extended family help. But was lucky enough to be able to pay for it, so DC went to nursery at four and five months each time, and I went back to work. Lucky enough too, to only have to work pt. So a good balance.
It was hard work, we were super organised with school holidays and childcare has cost us many many thousands, frighteningly so over many years, but it was never overwhelming.

Yea to the part about not looking after my health/mental health and not having any time or money for me. There is very little or no self care.
but I wouldn’t day I feel overwhelmed, but tired yes. However if my little one is poorly or I am I’ll our strict routine goes out the window and that’s when I feel overwhelmed at work/home/everything.

I have been both SAHM and full time working mum of a 8,6 & 3 year old - both exhausting in different ways. Don’t rush back to work if you don’t have to - the emotional and mental exhaustion is on top. Feeling like you should always be giving more to one place or the other - and that’s with a partner who is pulling his weight.

@Polishedshoesalways yes I agree with you and since I will be managing her going forward hopefully I will get to know her better over time. She is great at her job so maybe she goes above and beyond at home as well, which is wearing her out. I just don't understand it yet because without knowing the things you have mentioned it doesn't look like she has a lot to deal with but there are probably things I don't know about. it's not really my business but I need to make sure she is ok so do ask general questions in our 121s.