For not allowing mother to birth of baby

She must be a pain in the arse as otherwise you would want her there straight away.
I wanted my Mum asap and was so happy to see her.
I imagine she is embarrassed that you don't as it shows that she is a pain to her colleagues.

Half a day?

Oh the brutality!

I would probably also contact the matron overseeing. That department and ask them to remind all staff of the importance of confidentiality and the penalties for breaking it. If your mum did access your notes it would be logged and she could be sacked.

This

Absolutely this. And stress to her how embarrassing that will be for her for her work colleagues to know how much she is overstepping.

And if she doesn't back off, I would tell have no qualms telling my medical team to not allow her in.

When I had my first baby my mum wanted to be at the birth I said no and that we would keep her updated. Low and behold she turned up, midwife asked me if she could come in I told them to tell her to go home. A few hours later they were saying 'your poor mum is still outside' I still refused. It became all about her. Even now she talks about it being one of the worst days because of how worried she was alone in the corridor.
Stick to your decision and best wishes with it all.

"we are only having the baby at this hospital because you promised you wouldn't interfere. So why are you interfering? We had this conversation, and now you're proving that we can't trust you in the future"

Then contact the department and tell them that you don't want her there.

Why does the OP need to compromise?

If she wants her mum earlier, she can call her.

I have a good relationship with my mum and my MIL. I wouldn't have wanted either of them in the hospital when I gave birth.

As it happens I live really far from my family (abroad) and when my first child was born there were COVID restrictions still in place. My son was nearly 2 months old when my mum saw him for the first time, and my daughter was nearly 2 weeks old (no COVID restrictions).

The OP's mum can wait until the evening. Bloody hell!

This.

@FunSeal

Your choice should completely be respected….. however, if this is your first baby and you’ve never been through major surgery before….. you might want your Mum. With her experience she is probably very aware of this, might be anxious for you too.

You also will very surely want and need her support after baby is born, and babies are substantially more draining than this minor blip with Mum… so I wouldn’t risk alienating her.

Find a compromise.

She sounds controlling and manipulative. Of course she wants to meet her grandchild but to put you under pressure like that and make you feel bad about it. It’s very reasonable for you to want the actual birth to just be about you, partner and baby.

Be clear and start as you mean to go on otherwise she’ll always push boundaries. Tell her grandparents rights don’t exist and if you have to you’ll tell staff you don’t want her there, which you’d rather not do for the sake of your career. Say the longer she behaves like this the more likely it is that you’ll want even longer before she meets the baby.

The date could easily change as well. There are many stories on here of women whose elective sections get bumped to the next day because there are too many emergencies. The OP's mum could waste a day off for no reason.

Is it too late to switch?

I would consider pointing out to your mum that if you have to tell your own medical team not to let her hang around outside the theatre or visit before you're ready, it's going to be awkward and embarrassing for her because the people you will be telling are people who know her in a professional capacity.

Your sister needs to butt right out as well.

Tell her the date's changed and it's going to be the next day.

She has no rights!
my DD has asked if I will be her birth partner I said of course I will if her partner is stuck at work or she actually wants me there this time round
I would never impose myself on their time with a newborn

I am so sorry you have to be dealing with this drama two days before giving birth. It's important you set boundaries with her as otherwise she will try to interfere with everything years to come.

It sounds like there must be a back story, otherwise your choices (which are indeed yours to make) are unnecessarily unkind. Your mother is a midwife. She sees newborn babies every day. It’s one thing not to want her in theatre during the caesarean. It’s another to keep her away for half a day. Her colleagues will be at the birth of your baby. Surely it would do you no harm to let her pop in once baby is born and you are settled. Your exclusionary attitude is likely causing her a lot of upset, resulting in her saying silly things. Have you reflected on your motives? It seems very immature of you.

She is being totally unreasonable and she’s awful to put such pressure on you. It doesn’t sound like she’s a midwife as she is not being professional - she has no rights.
It maybe possible to change maternity hospitals - talk to your midwife's and ensure your concern is recorded.
I wouldn’t put it past her to barge in when you’re vulnerable and ruin your first time together as a new family.

Ok, I think she's totally gone overboard with her response to you and DP.

Though if she works in the midwifery department she's seeing babies being born every day and now her daughter will be having a beautiful baby there, in her place of work she must be absolutely over the moon with excitement!

She's probably had work colleagues chatting to her and offering to swap shifts so that she can be around. Midwifes of course love babies and they'll all be excited for their friend.

Is she usually like this? Because I think this is key.

I have to say as a new grandparent one of the most amazing and special things is that I get to see my daughter being a Mum. That's just wonderful.

But I was asked to come with her to the hospital and I waited while she and her DH went into theatre. I was fine and calm but when she went into theatre it's like any mother, I was worried for my daughter and if she'd be ok!

Ok, so she if she's like I was, part of it will be concern and part of it will be excitement and love. I'm sure it all comes from a very good place.

If she's not normally batshit then please bear that in mind.

And you might feel that you want a female around when you've got all sorts going on after the birth.

Good luck with it all!

Grandparents do not have rights to your child.

If she was acting sane & normal, I'd have said it didn't matter if she as a member of staff, popped her head around the door to see baby, while on her coffee break.

BUT, the fact that she's started to blame partner/in-laws. That she's using your siblings to exert pressure is completely out of order. Sounds like she's going to be one of those grandparents who doesn't listen, doesn't respect your wishes and thinks what she wants comes first. And that needs nipping in the bud.

If having her outside while you are labouring will make you feel uncomfortable, yanbu. At all.

Contact her line manager at work. She is your mother but she is also supposed to be a professional.

I know it's not funny the situation. But this made me laugh!

Are you in the UK?

You need to flag your concerns at your next midwife or consultant appointment and request a note be made and staff on the unit and the post-natal ward informed of your wishes. Be clear that you will take any breaches of confidentiality seriously and you do not want information about your progress or whereabouts shared with anyone other than your husband unless you request it. She sounds horrendous. Is she like this in other ways? This is such a reasonable expectation on your part and her response is so far from normal that I’d be quite concerned.

The hospital will have had experience of having to protect mothers from overbearing relatives and abusive ex partners, - they won’t usually be on the staff though. GDPR is a massive things these days, fortunately, so hopefully once they hear your concerns, they will be very keen to avoid any data breaches.

The way she’s leaped to squaring up to your poor MIL is so combative and unhinged.

I wonder if your mum is actually anxious about you and wants to be around just to make sure everything is grand .. with you her daughter and baby .
reading between the lines you invited your mum to see baby in the evening yet she wants to be outside theatre I have a gut feeling she wants to make sure everything is ok and her over reaction maybe due to her being anxious and maybe feeling a little afraid and she won’t feel settled until she sees you post op… but she may not tell you that … I’ve seen parents cry when their adult children go for surgery , are in delivery etc but their children actually have no knowledge of this …it’s just something to consider you decide what feels right for you