For not allowing mother to birth of baby

Do you know when you go up to the postnatal ward? Is it straight from delivery or do you have time in recovery after?

Where I gave birth there were no visitors allowed until you were in the postnatal ward so everyone got time as the three of them first.

Tell her you don't want to have to ask the hospital to keep her away as you'd hate to embarasss her in her place of work - but if she shows up this is exactly what you'll be doing.
surely there is some policy about people who know patients & privacy when they're in surgery?

There is no such thing as grandparents rights sadly. I have 7 grandchildren and if I ever fell out with any of my children I would not have any rights. Thankfully that has not happened!
I do understand the fears your Mum is having. Feeling like she will be left out and that MIL will be more involved, I felt all those things. However, if my daughter wanted me at the birth, or to see her straight after I would be there. If she said I don't want you to come see baby until the next day, or next week or whatever, I would honour her wishes. As a grandmother you do love your grandchild as much as your own children but you must realise they are not yours. I support my children as much as possible but never demand anything or go against their wishes. I even ask them first if they would like my advice on things before giving it! It's not easy but your Mum needs to deal with her emotions privately and certainly not put all this stress on you right before giving birth. Wishing you all the best with your baby.

It's your baby your choice. Your mum sounds over the top. Is that why you don't want her involved? I would respect my dc choices. Saying sll that I was glad that my mum was waiting outside during my 1st labour it was lovely to think she was so excited to see our baby. When these situation are discussed on my I feel there must bean underlying problem.

She's having her procedure today I think.

Is it too late up switch hospital?
From my experience of having a similar mother, it only gets worse and it is important to set clear boundaries as early as possible. I agree with you- it's draining. I had to stop contact with mine for half a year after the birth of my child. I'm not saying this to scare you but so you are aware.

If your relationship with your mother is dependent on her being able to emotionally blackmail you, then perhaps a close relationship isn’t the healthiest thing anyway.

Better off not having a relationship with someone so pigheaded

If her mother cant respect this choice, she wont respect any others OP makes

Its the OP mother who is mean, rude and selfish

Not respecting her DD wishes regarding her birth, having a tanty over it
Her mother sounds like a handful and only concerned about her time with baby, not how OP feels at all

Completely agree. If having boundaries means the mother would then refuse to help when needed then you're much better off having no relationship with such a toxic person.

Of course you're not.

And make sure you make it crystal clear she has no rights over your baby whatsoever. And set very firm boundaries from the off because her behaviour is super-toxic and if you give her an inch, she'll take a mile.

It’s not ideal but if she still wants a relationship with her mother!

Oh and good luck tomorrow.
Continue to follow your gut instinct and don't be bullied into anything by anyone.

Your entrenched attitude could harm your relationship with her and when you really need help she may feel reluctant to give it

What, this is a crazy attitude to have. Because the OP wants a few hours after the birth to just be with her hubby and new baby, it means her own mum might then be "reluctant" to give help in the future. If she were that sort of a person, it probably highlights the fact the OP is right to keep her away and start putting in boundaries in place now, if theres a potential for OPs mum to be reluctant to give help when OP makes a decision she doesn't like. Almost like throwing your toys out of the pram.

Many of you are painting her as a narcissistic woman who doesn't care about your feelings. As a mum and grandmother I know she's very nervous and just wants to support YOU

But it's not support if it's not wanted. It's pressure and stress.
And yes it is narcasistical to put your needs before another on the day they are giving birth

ps. Enjoy meeting your beautiful babba tomorrow <3 <3 <3 So so excited for you <3

YOUR BIRTH, YOUR DECISIONS. End of story, you don't need to explain them to anyone.

Just go with your feelings, they are right. Do not make any decisions around your birth for anyone else, YOU are the birthing mother.

If a woman wants to give birth in a hospital, at home, in the garden, in the bath, with all her family or on her own, It is absolutely her fundamental human right to make the decision, and no reasons need to be provided, to anyone.

You said she works in the midwifery unit but I imagine not a a midwife? Because any midwife wrth her salt would respect a birthing mothers requests.

@Justsomethoughts

Things already sound very heated unnecessarily.

My advice to OP would be to try and deescalate the situation, acknowledge and validate the mothers feelings.

‘I completely understand you want to be the first in the family to see baby, you’re very excited and I am so grateful to have your support”

and then move onto

“I am really excited too and I want to share the first few moments with DH, but it would be really good if you could be on call incase anything happens and I need you, of course you will get to meet baby as soon as we’re settled in the ward after. Can you help me plan and prepare for the birth? Do you have any anxiety about it, is that why you wanted to be outside?”

ps even if it is a scheduled caesarean there can be issues, for instance the doctor meant to do it called away for an emergency, problems with anaesthetic, uterine tear and so on.

@PleaseletitbeSpring

I absolutely agree with this; I absolutely did not want my mum anywhere near hospital, definitely not…. But when the time came and there were issues I absolutely did want her there.

All the midwives were shit too, until the last one, by which point it was an emergency situation.

Could be an element that she wants to be there to ensure the best care is taken of her daughter too…

It’s pretty fucking clear why you didn’t want her there.

Good luck for tomorrow @FunSeal. Hope you've told your delivery team if your wishes for the day and that the only people you want anywhere near you until you are ready are your medical team and your partner. Ensure they realise that includes all close family apart from your partner.

Will your partner advocate for you so your wishes are adhered to? Also he should have his mobile phone switched off so that there aren't people constantly calling for updates until you are ready. 🌹

Contact the hospital and ensure that you're hospital records are inaccessible for your mum.

There's GDPR that states that those not part of your care are unable to have access. But if she is on a shift during an appointment etc with consultant she could argue she has a need to have access.

Then phone another hospital and arrange for your c-section to be done there. Ensure your records are kept confidential from all family and then once the baby is born, decide who and when you're going to inform relatives.

You could wait until you get home.

Let your mum stew about who gets what access for a while. Your responsibility is your baby and your health.

It’s bad enough when men say shit like this. It’s bloody awful when women use it to excuse perfectly reasonable behaviour/wants. The op doesn’t owe her mother an explanation, she’s having major surgery and becoming a mother all within a tiny period of time. No woman needs to explain why she wants to recover for a moment before seeing anyone bar her husband/partner immediately after birth. It’s an intensely private and unique moment to every individual woman. Of course there are women who do want to share it with their own mothers, the op isn’t one.

Oh dear. She hoodwinked you there, didn't she. 😬

Tell her you will ask the theatre staff etc to keep her away. So she can either respect your decision or be embarrassed at her place of work by the request and the action if she tries to breach the rules.