To be irritated by Asda card woman?

This . Also too busy to be bothered for 30 seconds in Asda but plenty of time to post on mumsnet about it

Forgot to add that the guy who does the checkout early mornings at my Sainsbury's went to my son's special school, and we always have a little chat about how my son is doing, how his day is and he loves telling which bits of my shopping are really tasty and which stuff he really hates. We chat away and he doesn't take longer than any other operative scanning, he just wants to have that bit of extra attention. Honestly sometimes it's the loveliest interaction I have all day.

One day I had a migraine brewing and only a few bits so I used the self scan, as I knew I didn't have it in me to chit chat. That was fine too. So if you really don't have the spoons then avoid that aisle I guess.

I was OP ten years ago. I'd have done the raised eyebrow, probably would have asked about it on MN too. It would have made me annoyed.

Then I had a disabled child. You don't get better at spotting disabled people when you love a disabled person (I also have a diagnosed disability), you realise that you've been around disabled people your whole life without seeing them. You can never ever assume that someone a) doesn't understand or b) does understand the world as you see it. You can never assume that people can mentally and physically do the things that you can do. You go from living in black and white to glorious Technicolor.

You say you just want to get on with your shopping. It annoys you.

So what do you do about that?

Treat everybody with understanding and compassion. Stop and think 'What else could be going on here?' Maybe say 'Thank you but not today, I'm in a bit of a rush' or even just a smile and a 'No thank you'.

None of the above should take you longer than 3 seconds so I can't imagine it would inconvenience you much.

My initial feeling was that there's so much intolerance and although there's plenty of "It's great Asda have this scheme" there's also the "It's great Asda have this scheme, just as long as I don't have to be inconvenienced by it or anything else in life".

But, I agree with this, OP may be on here having a moan about it, and gritting her teeth when in the situation, but, there's those that won't and will verbally or even physically abuse someone - I've had it done to me and seen it done to others for less, and unfortunately those people tend to double down and get worse if they sense a 'weakness' (to them, I'm not saying ND or SEN individuals are weak) in the person they are targeting.

OP and others may well cut their losses and shop elsewhere, but she, and others, have shown that they don't think they should have to do that, and that attitude will be shared by others who believe that if somewhere doesn't suit you then the responsibility lies with that place to change, rather than just choosing somewhere else that does suit. It's an increasing and common attitude and unfortunately some customers aren't adverse to being aggressive in getting that point across. As much as it shouldn't happen, it does and it's (aggression )increasingly becoming a problem shown by some stores giving their staff body cams and other means of deterrent.

I think that Asda do need to be made aware of this issue because then they can take steps to ensure this lady isn't put in that position, and if no one has highlighted the issue, then they can't do that. It doesn't have to be in the form of a telling off or being harsh, but gentle guidance and teaching of boundaries.

So I do think that OP should say something, not so that she and others don't have to be inclusive but so that some support can be put in place to prevent a 'trigger' occurring somewhere along the line and the lady in question being subject to worse than a moany rant on mn.

YANBU. Some posters seem to think you should have to endure the annoyance simply because it's a SEN volunteer. SEN or not, it's not really a good look for ASDA if their volunteers are not listening to customers and annoying them. It's not ableist to want to shop in peace.

To the posters who think you should deal with it - There's other places where the volunteer would be more likely to receive the interaction they want. And it's not a busy supermarket full of stressed out people who just want to do their shopping in peace.

My local Asda doesn’t have this so I’m pleasantly surprised at this! I think it’s a fantastic idea and I doubt very much OP it would really take that much out of your time to say ‘ honestly I’m ok to pick myself but thanks for your help today’ even if you need to repeat yourself.

Manners and kindness cost nothing and there’s so little left of it in the world today.

Not sure you've understood the point of the post.

If you stop sending cards you will save a lot of time. I worked for one of the card companies, they were Horrible to work for, the pay was awful for what they expected you to do. The worst was though they didn’t recycle the cards! Every season I had to throw away so much paper it was ridiculous. They charge £3, 4, 5 for a card and the next day it’s thrown away.

OP YANBU

I work for the supermarket in question (though not the branch the OP frequents, as we don't currently have any volunteers in our store) and I think that all the "Mean OP, how dare you not want to spend time talking to a volunteer with SEN" are missing the context that the volunteer is not a small child who needs to be coddled, they are a grown adult and should be treated as such, which includes getting feedback both good and bad regarding their work.

Yes there needs to be allowances made for any SEN/neurodivergence but that should be in the delivery of feedback, not that they should never be spoken to about their actions. "Someone needs to tell Mary to back off and leave customers alone as she was being really annoying and pissing me off when I was trying to buy my dog's best mate a birthday card" is not acceptable as it is in no way constructive, however "I love that Mary is so enthusiastic about her job but when she first asked if I needed help I said 'No thanks, not today' as I needed a sympathy card and didn't really want to get into a discussion about it. Despite this she continued talking at me/making suggestions/followed me down the aisle. In the end I felt too uncomfortable to continue browsing so left without the card I wanted to buy. This is not the first time I have had this happen with Mary and it makes me avoid the aisle when I see her there, so I have started to go elsewhere for cards/stationery to avoid the uncomfortable situation." is perfectly acceptable as it clearly lets the company know that the issue is not Mary's presence in the store but her behaviour, and with a little bit of training and coaching the issue can be resolved pretty painlessly.

At the end of the day, someone working in a supermarket is making at least one customer uncomfortable by their behaviour - that needs to be addressed with the volunteer. That doesn't mean that they get disciplined or told off, but it could mean that they are given more training or support so that they can still do their job but also be aware that if a customer says "No thanks" when they offer help that they need to respect that and leave them alone.

Additionally it does the volunteer a disservice to let it go indefinitely because for every customer like the OP, who are uncomfortable but don't want to say anything so just shop elsewhere, there will be other shoppers who will, when the volunteer continually tries to engage with them even after they gave been told "no thanks", eventually either get aggressive or confrontational with the volunteer, which could lead to them being shaken up and upset or even physically assaulted.

I have seen rude customers start screaming at staff members over the most innocuous things - I myself have been smacked across the face because I dared speak to a couple who were stood at the checkout examining their receipt for 10+mins at 22:20 to remind them that the store had closed at 22:00 and asked them to leave so we could lock the doors - so it's not outside the realms of possibility that one day this volunteer annoys one of those customers to the point they end up being shouted at or even assaulted.

Don't get me wrong, in such cases the customer is 100% in the wrong, but having SEN/ND does not protect the volunteer from the consequences of any such confrontation, especially if said confrontation could have been avoided if the volunteer had been told "If a customer says 'No thanks' to your help then walk away and don't speak to them again unless they approach you first". If they can't do that without help/support then that help/support needs to be put in place and that will only happen if customers give feedback to the store so they are aware of it.

This is an interesting thread. Got to admit that I feel rather sorry for the OP - she says that she doesn’t need any help and gets ignored. I expect that she is polite to this woman, even if her heart does sink when she sees her. There are worse things than having a moan on MN.

My other thought was that the general population is really quite odd. I hope that they are not unpleasant to her. My Mum worked in a Sainsbury’s for a bit and there were some customers who got banned for being extremely unpleasant (to staff and other customers).

This was me I think, the response I got from one poster was that I was still an arsehole for insinuating I couldn’t stop and chat. Fucking bonkers. I can’t see how blaming my late return from lunch on a member of staff at Asda helping me pick a birthday card would hold up in a disciplinary meeting!

Likewise. Consider - and credit to those who came forward and disclosed that they would find a similar experience very difficult for them because of their own personal circumstances - that there are bigger picture concerns than just this lady and the OP. All this should take is ASDA engaging in some better supervision of the volunteer and or training to pick up on cues from customers who don’t want or need help.

This is not difficult. ASDA has the resources to do it too. The lady can still volunteer but it sounds as though there is a legitimate training need here.

Not quite the full picture re Equality Act. Even if you establish some informal coaching or training for this lady as a number of us have said amounted to an act of direct or indirect discrimination - and I’ll go the full hog and include discrimination arising from a disability - the employer can argue objective justification i.e. it was a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim. Legitimate aims off the top of my head - mitigating the impact on other customers and there have been some good points here about how this sort of experience could detrimentally affect a customer with communication problems of their own, mental health conditions etc. I’d also suggest preventing loss of custom over this sort of thing could very well be another. Yes, ASDA is a big concern but at the same time they operate in a very competitive market.

Bearing in mind earlier in the thread you had comments along the lines of someone being pressed for time but they’ve gone to the supermarket to grab a few bits on a lunch break. There are some employers that will count a minute late back from things like lunch breaks against you. A lot of people only get 30 minutes for lunch too.

I worked for employers that linked timekeeping with attendance generally and so latenesses counted towards the triggers for formal meetings e.g. 3 occasions of lateness or sickness in 6/12 months and formal meeting commenced. Many employers have timeware so employees have to clock in and out for breaks etc and with that often comes formal action taken for people being late.

Incidentally I’ve seen the above happen in retail, manufacturing and believe it or not a university. It’s not unique to any one sector.

I beg to differ. The OP’s post is quite clear in fact that the lady concerned does not respond to a cue of, “no, thanks.” Well I’m sorry but that could easily be addressed through ASDA doing some better training or supervision with the lady concerned.
It’s the same in any retail job. If the customer says, “no thank you, just browsing” or declines an offer of help, you leave them to it.

Have you ever asked people their thoughts about shopping at Curry’s/PC World who were notorious for jumping on you as soon as you entered? I know numerous people who stopped shopping in both as a result.

At the end of the day ASDA is a business. By all means afford customer-facing opportunities to disabled people but at the same time as you would with any other employee not picking up on cues from customers, you address that through training and better supervision!

They clearly haven’t. The responses to my earlier post, which quoted me suggest this too. One goes on about my annoyance and that I need to take a long hard look at myself. There is nothing in what I posted earlier suggesting annoyance from me at all. Why would I be annoyed? This hasn’t happened to me personally; I was just commenting on the thread!

Good grief, had you had your breakfast before posting this?
Where in my post did I express annoyance? I think you’ll struggle to find any inference of that in fact.

I might have missed it but where did the OP say she wanted to put in a complaint? Or are you referring to just general complaining on this thread?

It’s fine to disagree but a good percentage of people disagreeing with the OP have clearly not read the OP. If they had they would realise that just telling this woman that they don’t need help does not work.

Disagreeing with the OP in AIBU is not ‘condemning’ her.

I’m an introverted ADHD diagnosed people avoider who hates that women are expected to be kind to all and sundry but even I draw the line at complaining about being approached by a woman trying to help who may have SEN.

I was considering it, hence I asked a question instead of stating any facts.....

In any case, our local cinema employs a guy with downs syndrome who I assume they are paying as he is in uniform etc.

I think that in their rush to condemn the OP (which is what they really want to do), they've been unable to absorb the meaning of any words which don't fit in with their extremely narrow views.

It should be worrying but it's actually the norm now.

I don't think half the posters here read beyond paragraph 1 tbh

The OP has already said that saying ‘no I’m fine thanks’ does not work.

Gosh! You must be terribly busy not to be able to say ‘no, I’m fine thanks!’

@Bloopp if you've no idea how it would work, I'd hazard a guess you've not considered if it's a good idea or not? Which is why Asda have them as volunteers, because it's likely an issue.