Is it ok to buy someone a self help book?

Like my mother who always mentioned 'oh X lost so much weight on Y diet'. Oh really?
Passive aggressive. If my mother had actually given me a diet book I would have been furious. It's not up to you to decide what needs improving in your friend.

I'd err on the side of caution and say no but it depends on your relationship with them and how well you think they are likely accept it.

It could be seen as a positive gift. Helping you work out what you want from the next phase of your life.

Could also be a pass-ag way of saying you’re a negative cow who thinks the grass is always greener or that you don’t k ow what you want.

From an ex, I’d probably go with option 2 and YABU for being offended because you should have just laughed in his face!

Out of interest, did you instigate the divorce?

What's the book? Depends what it is.

Depends on the book and the relationship you have with your ex. If you’re good friends with the ex and the book is something that relates to a problem you’ve said you want to solve or an area of your life you want to improve, that’s fine. But if you aren’t on friendly terms and the book is called something like ‘How To Stop Being The Worst Person In The World’ or ‘Don’t Be A Cow’ that’s obviously a different matter.

Shit No! Unless you don't like the person you are buying for...

Context matters somewhat, but usually a poor choice.

Care to share your scenario OP?

It’s rude and presumptuous to give such a book to someone, even if they like that kind of book. I’d be offended and may say so.

Sorry I missed earlier that it was from an ex. Makes it seem more likely it was done to annoy you!

I dunno. If I'd said to a friend that I'm having trouble balancing life or whatever I think I'd feel touched in a way that they'd gone out of their way to be thinking of me to buy something that they think could help. However if it was unprompted and someone bought me a "how to calm down" book I'd probably ironically flip my lid

I generally don't get easily offended though

Actually a work colleague in a stressful job handed in her notice and passed on her copy of "The Life Changing Magic Of Not Giving A F*uck" to me. I read it from cover to cover, thought it really rather good, left that job a year or so later and am happier now than I was then. I kept the book in my bedside drawer and glanced at the cover before heading off to work quite a few times that year and it helped. I think of the donor warmly!

Years ago my mother expressed interest in a diet book. It was hardcover and expensive and I bought it for her for Christmas, I was a young teenager. She opened it and looked at me and didn’t say a word, and put it down. To my knowledge she never opened it - I was very perplexed how I had offended her because she had expressed interest in it. Years later I realized she taught me a valuable lesson!

Rude unless you know they would appreciate it. To an ex it’s absolutely not on.

No idea who your other group are but they sound like dicks.

I bet it was 'How to win friends and influence people', Donald Trump's favourite book.

"Never give somebody a present that suggests they need improving" was my mother's advice (possibly from her own mother I think).

I bought one for a friend who was in the middle of a genuine mental health crisis and it was one of many things I did to try and help. Her situation was pretty extreme though, it's not something I'd do normally.

Depends what it was - no one wants a copy of "Get Confident, Stupid"

'Recognising the narcissist in the mirror' - bit rude

'Celebrating your inner goddess' - bit dippy but not rude.

Someone I dated very briefly bought me a self help book which was called something like 'how to be more successful and effective'. It was unsolicited and I was highly offended. Especially as I have a really busy job (and had never considered myself to be either ineffective or unsuccessful) and he was working part-time and cash in hand, living with his mum and borrowing her car. The absolute nerve of him. That was the end of that shit dalliance. Total negging behaviour.

My sister did this. Its rude

For my 40th birthday pub lunch with about a dozen friends, a now ex-friend arrived late and handed me a card and book (unwrapped) in front of everyone seated at the table. It was called something like “How To Be Happy” and had some long-winded subtitle on finding your inner happiness etc.

Ex-friend was very fond of self-help books herself, although sadly they never did her any good, but I was very offended. I don’t get offended easily but I thought what a shitty present, and giving me that in front of everyone was embarrassing. Three friends later said what a bloody awful present etc.

Someone called me bitter for not seeing it as a nice gesture..

Buy them this. Express surprise if they are offended.

What was the book? Or the issue it addressed if too outing. And how is your relationship with the ex?