Ex refusing to see DD on weekends

I don’t know why you thought you would be told you were unreasonable.

what I would say is ask your daughter to speak to her dad and set out what she would like. This way you are removed and when daddy inevitably says no because his dicks twitching he can look your daughter in the eyes and tell her he doesn’t want to see her.

do make excuses on his behalf. Let him be the one to let her down. Don’t take that blame and guilt on your shoulders.

if daughter doesn’t want to ask I’d tell him to call your daughter and explain why she can’t go.

I have no doubt this will be hard for her but you can’t shelter her from the cold hard truth that her dad is a wanker

Agreed.

He'll reap the rewards of his poor decision when his daughter ends up only wanting to see him a few hours every 3-4 months.

That's what my DD does now after her poor excuse of a father put seeing her lower on his priority list than seeing his new girlfriend. We split when she was 14. It didn't take long at all for her to reduce the time she wanted to see him.

She's 14 (admittedly with SEN) but she has just decided she wants to spend 2 nights a week at her Dad's. She can't spend Satuday there, but there are 6 more to choose from

he's allowed & life & has a commitment in Saturday nights.

what was he supposed to do... do nothing ever, in case she suddenly decides she wants to stay?,

I don’t think it’s broken homes that are the issues in this scenario, it’s absent fathers.

What certain group of people ? Spit it out.

Btw, there’s crime all over the UK. I’m from Glasgow which was known as the murder/stab capital of Europe until recently . Why did you not cite that for an example of a high crime area?

Why are you so eager for your ex to see his child?
most ridiculous comment ive read all day.

Oh yes, op is terrible for wanting their shared dc to have relationships with their father....

And christ almighty, staying together for the kids is an awful way to live, separate as grown ups instead of many unhappy people in household

You sound single

He’s a failure.

Of course you're right. He sounds like a shit dad

My friend had an ex like your ex. Always put his dick first not his children. If he had a chance of an unexpected date the kids were dumped back at their mums so he could put his dick first. Pathetic.

One weekend out of three is nothing in the bigger picture of things. Especially when it's his own child. His relationship should easily be able to survive that.

He aught to be ashamed. And so should his latest girlfriend for trying to put their needs before that of her boyfriends child. What kind of woman must she be.

He is absolutely unreasonable. He is not a good dad!

14 year old also is old enough to start negotiating own relationship with dad/not your job to manage their emotional relationship. Yanbu to suggest weekend nights as less disruptive to her school week, so if for her well-being this is non-negotiable then stick to it. He is insane for suggesting it has anything to do with your personal lives! If you have laid this out to him and he still refuses, then he ought to explain the reason why to his daughter. If he won't, she can be told the truth about why dad doesn't want her to stay the nights.

If you child could cope with sleeping over on other nights of the week and wants to do that then you could have a trial period. But yeah, she doesn't need to be protected from the truth of his reasons, which you can lay out in a neutral non-blaming way. It might be very sad for her to hear but you can't protect your children from the truth forever.

Thank you but in most cases parents staying together benefits the child. Hoepfully you will agree

Crime in London is often blamed on a certain group of people and often cited that most of these kids are from "broken homes."

More often than not, having two parents is better for a child and that is a fact

Why can’t he FaceTime with with his daughter in the house?

I don’t think they’re just talking 😉

Agreed. Read my previous posts here, IE, if that was my dad and i got to hear about that, i would never bother with him again

Sadly, parenting is not what it was when I was young

These days, too many distractions and people give up on marriage too easily and its the kids that suffer. (NB , this is a general comment and not aimed at OP scenrios)

It's not in any sense true that "staying together for the children" benefits the children in all cases. My daughter, for example, is absolutely clear that her life has been better because her dad and I separated (and now co-parent effectively) when she was young. My childhood would have been better if my mom had left my dad, as she considered doing.

No doubt some children's lives are made harder when their parents separate, but there are all kinds of variables. It's not possible to generalise like this.

OP, your ex is being a dick. Why can't he still facetime his partner when your daughter is in the house. Even if they sext or something, he can do it in his bedroom surely? It's not like your daughter is a toddler who will need constant supervision

It sounds like he is being a knob just for the sake of it.....

DD should not be a parent’s fall back plan for when he has a spare moment.

Your DD is 14 and so old enough to discuss this with him herself. Instead of you deciding which nights she should be where can she not talk to her dad herself and work out when would be suitable nights?

I know, @DistinguishedSocialCommentator , there’s no point living in dream world as you say.

This type of behavior is just so alien to many parents, most of us are delighted when our teenagers want to spend time with us. It’s sad for the DD that her Dad doesn’t feel like that.

Why not offer the two weekdays twice a month for the 14 year old and see how it goes? The 18 year old could arrange their own schedule.

True, but if your ex said no and gave his/her reasons, what could you do other than offer help to facilitate the process?

IMO, in time, when the novelety has worn off, he will want to see his DC

Ok, fair enough. But realistic what do you expect to happen? He has a new woman in his life and as they say, love is blid/blinkered etc.

IMO, give him time or better still, as I posted above before seeing your repsonse - Ask him what can you do to faciliate the process

As i said, if that was my dad and i got wind of it, trust me i'd never want to see him

It has to work for both of them and possibly he wants to pritorits his life and atm he is busy as stated by you

Sorry, your dd

YANBU at all, he’s being very unreasonable. He should be putting his DCs first. And working his relationship around that as everyone else does.

What a shame for your DD.

Well, yanbu in the slightest.
I have an ex friend like this. He has several children who he doesn't see because he moves on to the next woman and the next baby. I can't look at him as a decent person so don't really have anything to do with him anymore.
I feel for your DS. That must be hard for him.

He should be delighted that she wants to spend time with him @Blades2 . What an idiot.