Ex refusing to see DD on weekends

Your ex is a prick and yes ALL children should come first… whether SEN or not… but he should be giving you a break in the week if he can’t / won’t have them at weekends but I’m guessing he won’t be able to get them to school as he doesn’t drive…
my ex moved 300 miles away and has seen his DD once in almost 2 years! Not sure why anyone would suggest a woman should give up her sanity to stay with a man like that ‘for the sake of the kids’…. No thanks… life is too short!

Fair enough
I dont beleive I or anyone else can add anyhting more to what has already been said oter than, good luck and I hope its resolved soon for the sake of DC

I would say to your children you are happy to accommodate whatever they wish. And leave it to their bastard dad to say that they aren’t welcome.

Firstly stop sorting out his dogs!

I'd suggest Thursday after school to Saturday evening every other week to him. If he refuses then he can tell his DD himself that he rather spend the time with his new girlfriend than his daughter.

@RhubarbAndFlustered that PP has a history of posting utter drivel. He thinks his opinion is the only correct one and frequently takes over threads to berate and belittle anyone that has a differing opinion.

Just when you think you've seen the stupidest things posted on Mumsnet.........

He sounds like a dead beat OP, your DD will be better off without him. Some people just aren’t decent parents and unfortunately he is one of them. You can’t force men to step up, you can only recognise when they’re utter shits.

I'm glad you pointed this out and one would have thought it was common sense to reconise that fact

My last post on the thread - IMO, OP needs to laise with ex and both work out a suitable arrangement. The ex has a new friend and as I said before, many people with a new love in their life find it easy to dismiss whats going on around them until a few months down the road

I hope it works out for the sake of DC

Excellent post.
You have confirmed what I have been saying, both should work around the other and I have said a couple of times, what has OP done to facilite the meeting off ex DH and DC?

Its all to simple on these forums often blaming the OH who is not here and IMO not help the OP but to goad them into a decison they want - However, I only post what IMO is potentially a solution and just blaming the OH and not recognising reason given will not result in DC seeing ex DH

I too could have easily posted nonsense re ex but I'm not like that and IMO, OP needs to offer solutions and work with their ex. Irts the DC that loses out

There was a memeber of staff at my place where she talked about mum leaving home when she was young and when this staff memeber was older and found out where mum lived via aunty - mum did not want anything to do with her daughter. People move on and that is a fact

Literally "quoted" what you wrote....

How is that misquoting you?

HTH

Court won’t force anyone to take a child who doesn’t want to, it doesn’t work that way.

You have nothing to contribute other than to post nonsense.
Both are parents, both seprated, both have new people in their lives. DD did not want to see dear dayy intially and now dear daddy saying he does not have time

No one has come back about the question i asked, IE why does OP not help to facilaite a meeting between the two.

As i also stated, what if DC found out what daddy was saying.

It takes two people to create a child and its not the childs fault that both have decided to go their own way

What is your solution other than attack me??

Stop misquoting me. Thanks

He sounds awful. You mention SEN. Is your DD capable of understanding that her dad is prioritising his new GF over her? Or are you left explaining that away too?

No, it’s not OK that he has a commitment every Saturday night to have phone sex with his internet girlfriend when the OP has a commitment to care for 2? teens with SN every single day. I assume the OPs boyfriend doesn’t prevent her caring for her DCs seeing as she’s doing it single handedly at the moment.

The DC live with the OP so the Dad should be prioritising whatever time works for them especially as it sounds like he hasn’t been caring for them for a while. He could find another girlfriend available for phone sex during the week if this one isn’t.

He sounds like a grade A cunt OP. Maybe ask his girlfriend why she’s coming between his responsibility to care for his DC especially when they have SN and typically SN young people need care and support well into adulthood.

Although from the fact she’s getting involved in trying to prevent your DC from staying over without having met you or your DC (?) or even being in a proper face to face relationship with your ex raises quite a few red flags as to how she’ll treat your DC if this relationship progresses.

Can you compromise that DC goes to his on Thursday after school, he does the school run on Friday (if she needs dropping), stays Friday night and he drops her home on Saturday before his phone call? Most young people with SN prefer routine although that may not be true in your DCs case? Sounds like he’ll find another excuse not to do that though.

28% of all days are weekend days, so work out a split based on that (one day a month if he’s wanting to do 4 days in total).

Don’t think you are unreasonable - to some extent it’s fair that dad has a commitment… but can he really not speak to his partner any other time or when DD is in the house ? Seems like a poor excuse. Also at this strange distance partner should keep her opinions to herself ..

Not that I think kids should dictate visitation days or have the responsibility of agreeing them on their shoulders, but out of interest when does DD want to go? If they are in school and SEN they must have a preference over which nights work best for them also? Surely both parents would take that into consideration when making arrangements (no doubt you do)

So he’ll only see her after school for a few hours twice a week?? Will the DD sam ray over and be dropped in school by him the following morning?
if he talks to his GF Saturday nights why can’t DD stay Friday nights and return home before the call?
Men are strange at times and seem to rarely prioritise other people above themselves

@Globules

"He'll reap the rewards of his poor decision when his daughter ends up only wanting to see him a few hours every 3-4 months.

That's what my DD does now after her poor excuse of a father put seeing her lower on his priority list than seeing his new girlfriend. We split when she was 14. It didn't take long at all for her to reduce the time she wanted to see him."

I could have written this. My DD's father who, upon entering a new relationship, barely sees his DD and when he does, he just sits in his chair whilst his partner brings him beers. She has SEN and he isn't interested in providing any support for her, financially or emotionally or otherwise, he doesn't talk to her, he doesn't even know her. She's now 12 and has decided she no longer wants to see him.

You are talking nonsense. And children have 2 parents from conception not marriage.

Staying together in an unhappy relationship is not putting anyone first!!
wjen me and my ex split my DD actually stated she wished we’d split years ago!! And we didn’t even argue like some couples and are still friends….
but she knew we were unhappy and it wasn’t ideal…

what was he supposed to do... do nothing ever, in case she suddenly decides she wants to stay?,
He's supposed to want to parent his children and not make his involvement conditional on whether it suits his latest girlfriend.

What do you think many decent mothers and fathers so when they're co-parenting with their ex? They focus on parenting, spending time with their children and fit their love life around their parenting responsibilities.

It is his parental responsibility for his child to share care.
Not who he is seeing or moving on doesn't mean he's no longer a parent.
Your argument is such bs.

Court!