A son is a son until he finds a wife, a daughter is a daughter for life

There is another one I have heard lose a son gain a daughter when a son gets married.
I take it to mean that daughter in-law will take over all the keeping in touch with family stuff

I'm working on not raising my male DCs to need me for the practical mom stuff... whoever they decide they want to be with (jury is out atm) I don't want that person to have to do stuff for them and neither do I plan to do it any longer than I need to... the goal is to equip them not stunt them

I hope the friendship that I assume is alluded to in "a daughter for life" is something I can grow with them in adulthood... like I hope they like me and want to hang out with me as adults and emotionally we're close enough to talk often

As it stands they're gonna be millionaires apparently and my suggestion of a shepherds hut (a very nice one) down the bottom of a garden for me for babysitting any grandkids was met with telling me I had to live in the big house too... not sure if future partners will appreciate the live in in law but apparently the house will be big enough for everyone 🤣

From someone who has a shit ton of siblings and a very large family, it does seem mostly true. I agree it’s dependent on the family and the relationship, but it also seems true for a lot of other families I know. Plus, if anything, my male siblings were always treated better than me and my sisters…

My DH also doesn’t have much of a relationship with his mum, but that’s down to her. A lot of people on here like to complain about the way women ‘hate their MILs’ but sometimes there can be genuine reason! My MIL couldn’t give a shit about my DH or her GC but likes to complain to others that we don’t make any effort when in fact it’s the complete opposite!

As far as I'm concerned, neither mother gets a say in anything.

In my family (and wider family) it seems to be geographical distance that determines who has the closer relationships with parents over anything else. My uncle lived a few streets away from my Nan so saw her frequently, she helped look after her granddaughters a lot and played a huge role in their childhood. Whereas my mum lived a few hours drive away so we didn’t have as close a relationship with my Nan.

Well said!! I bet several of the posters saying it is rubbish are the same ones constantly whining about their ILs. Apparently their partners mothers (especially) shouldn't have a say in anything, but it's okay for their own mothers. On MN it's a given that sons should step back from their mothers - thus proving the point of the saying.

But it’s not totally untrue, now is it? Mothers of married men… how often do you see your sons and your DILs?

It's true in my family.

It is a sexist statement, born out of stereotypes of old, maybe?

You were so lucky to have that kind of relationship with your MIL. That's a true gift in life.

I like this comment and the truth it holds. I wish someone would remind my MIL and DH about it.
Women stay close to their mothers to learn from and confide in, something which never stops. A son should remain close to his father for his same reason..but the mothers role diminishes once he has his own family.

Another one here who had a fantastic mil. I was very close to her. Dh says I had a better relationship with her than he did.

She has been gone 6 years now. I miss her every day.

This. I’m a man of nearly 40, I’m married and closer to my Mum than ever.
People are so focused on typical sexism towards women they miss that an awful lot is geared towards men too.

That's lovely. I wish I had this with my MIL.

My MIL had no problem making sure he was heard. I suspect her controlling nature was an expression of anxiety (above even average levels of controlling - having to be in charge and the centre of everything), but that doesn't mean I have to let her take over and dictate my life.

I stopped nudging after many years of effort with her. Sometimes you just get to the point where it's healthier to step back rather than constantly trying in a toxic situation.

I'm just as close if not more so to my adult DS's as I am to DD. My elder DS rings me every week sometimes twice. I see him about once every 8 weeks because he lives 200 miles away from me. I know his gf lives close to her Mum and sister but I make sure I'm very nice and friendly towards her. I buy her nice thoughtful gifts and she texts me most weeks. My younger son lives about 3 miles from me and comes to dinner once a week, he invited me to go out for a breakfast or a lunch with him most weeks. He cooks for me once most weeks too. My DD has a busy life with 2DC and works full time. She lives almost 200 miles from me too but in the opposite direction. I visit her 3 or 4 times a year and she visits me usually 2 or 3 times a year. We chat on phone or text about every other week. She doesn't get a lot of time.

MIL said this and her daughter. Ridiculous saying

I like mil. She’s a very anxious person and if the men (her sons and dh) let her feel heard I think she’d be less anxious. That said, I have a busy life and it’s dh’s responsibility but I do do some nudging.

This.
Very close to my son
Dd very rarely contacts.

My MiL cried on my wedding day. Not because she didn't like me because she said she finally had a DD now. She had 3 sons. I invited my future MiL to help me pick my wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses. She was so grateful and tearful. She told me it was a pleasure she thought she'd never experience because she had 3 DS's and no daughters. She's really lovely to me. So much so that my DH thinks she loves me more than him. We go out for a cream tea together or even just looking around the shops. DH wouldn't really want to go shopping with his Mum.

Total nonsense in my experience. My dad was an only child who always looked out for his widowed mum, with my mum supporting him. My DH does the same for his mum. She tells me she's gained a daughter in him marrying me.

I would have been open to being closer to my MIL than my own mother, if it had worked out that way. It would have been lovely to have MIL I could have had a friendship with.

As it is, we have no contact. I've never stopped my DH or children having a relationship with her, just stopped being the one to make sure DH called his mother regularly, invited her to things, bought her presents. I fairly gave him warning this was now his responsibility. That he then didn't make the effort MIL can reflect on the whys of.

I'm closer to my exMIL than my ex is! So not true in MY case, but on balance I still think it's generally true.
When I think of grandparents - All my friends, including me, were closer to maternal, as we saw them more often.

I think like a lot of old sayings there’s some truth in it.

I would say it’s true to a degree of most of the families I know. And not surprisingly really - women do tend to manage family relationships, and on average they will want to make more effort with their own parents even if they like the in laws.

Also, pregnancy, birth and the baby years are very intense and intimate and most women will want to communicate more closely with their mums than their MILs about this, which is natural, but also sets ups the material grandparents as the closer relationship by default.

It’s not always true obviously, and I’d imagine (and hope) it’s becoming less so, although I’m not sure it will ever change completely just because of the baby years mostly fall to women.

I have sons and someone quoted this so I asked them how did that apply to my son who is gay?!!

She didn't have an answer !!

I think it just comes from mums and daughters (supposedly) being really close, so it's to their mums for mothers day, Christmas etc.
It was true when my mum was here, she was the mum we went to first.

I say there is no way I'm letting that happen with our DS, ....he is mine....all mine I tell you !!!!