Or is he an alcoholic?

As a grateful member of AA for 10+ years I can say that the only question that matters when trying to distinguish heavy drinking from problem drinking is: “Is it costing me more than money?”
When I walked into my first meeting I knew that for me the answer to that question was (finally) “Yes”, but I honestly could not have told you what, specifically, “it” (my drinking) was costing me (the denial was very very strong).
It’s only through doing a lot of work that I can give some examples:

• My spouse’s peace of mind
• My children’s peace of mind
• sleep
• physical health
• constant minor and not-so-minor “UDIs” (unidentified drinking injuries)
• the respect of my colleagues
• countless formerly close friendships
• my wider family relationships
• and many more.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6761899/

Two bottles of wine in a night. We can certainly tell that he's a very problematic drinker.

Most people drink alcohol because they like the taste and it makes us feel good, and that sounds like why your husband drinks.

However, just because it makes us feel good doesn't mean it's good for us, and to be fair your husband probably knows that.

Do I think he's an alcoholic? I don't know but probably not, and I say that as an alcoholic in recovery. I think he is an extremely heavy drinker though, and he does potentially fit some of the criteria for alcohol use disorder (worth googling).

Now some people can live long and fruitful lives as heavy drinkers, heck some people can live to 100 and smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, however as he's already overweight and diet sounds like it's maybe not the best he could be doing himself some long term damage.

I would suggest watching the Adrian Chiles documentary drinkers like me (available on youtube), to see if anything he says resonates. It's not a documentary about alcoholics, but about middle aged heavy drinkers.

He’s drinking almost double the recommended weekly amount in just one night at the weekend. Let’s assume it’s 10 units per bottle. Does the ‘weekend’ include a Sunday? If not, he’s having maybe 40 units Friday and Saturday and then in the week another maybe 6 units a night..so that’s what? 70 units per week? Does he drive? It takes about 1 hour to process a unit of alcohol so he may well not have cleared it all before he drinks again.
If he’s already had a TIA, he’s at increased risk of another cardiovascular event (TIA, stroke, heart attack): BHF info on alcohol
He does need to recognise it as a problem himself though. My XH drank heavily (not every single day although it was moving towards it, he justified not being an alcoholic by the fact he didn’t drink every day). I tried numerous times to talk to him but he wasn’t ready to accept it was a problem. We didn’t divorce because of his drinking specifically but it definitely caused issues in our marriage.

There's definitely a dependency on alcohol there with your DH.

My DH is the same to an extent - he buys from independent brewers and writes blogs, so he sees himself as a "beer aficionado" who appreciates pub culture etc, and thinks this makes him a cut above your average piss head.

A while ago he had a bit of a health scare, and it's only then that he's cut right down on his drinking to more acceptable levels.

Look up grey area drinking. Andy Ramage talks about this a lot and the One for the Road podcast addresses it too. Good luck! It won’t be easy to tackle it but you are right to be concerned.

This.

Also, it's irrelevant whether you think he's middle class or not! Class is an ancient way of trying to segregate society.

Does he drive himself to work the next morning?

9 bottles of wine a week, wow.

Let's say it's red wine, at 625 calories a bottle, and a tenner a pop (easy maths, but how long is a piece of fancy string). He's looking at 5000+ calories and a hundred quid a week for his 'hobby'.

He doesn't need a label to recognize this is a huge problem.

If he's diabetic and has had a TIA he really, really needs to be cutting back. 20000 extra empty calories a month is insane. Can your household budget manage £400 a month on his wine alone?

If he is drinking this regularly and using his 'hobby' as an excuse he has a problem. If you aren't happy with any aspect of his drinking then your relationship is in jeopardy. What do YOU want op?

He probably struggles to cut down on food because of his drinking also. I know I’m more likely to overeat if I’ve been drinking or I’m hungover.

i used to know someone who was a ‘wine snob’ in order to try and disguise their alcoholism. It was fine to drink 3 bottles if it was expensive ‘natural wine’ wasn’t it? Almost good for you! The denial is so strong.

except it’s the same poison and sugar. The body doesn’t know the difference.

If their lifestyle is causing them serious problems in their health and relationships and they still won’t cut down, then yes I’d say they had a problem. Don’t let it drag you down too.

It doesn't seem like a "problem" in that he's not nasty or abusive, and it's not negatively social - it's not affecting his quality of life or yours

But it's certainly very heavy drinking which may be causing him health consequences that will certainly become a problem for everyone eventually

I like the sound of him! Not that I'd recommend continuing drinking so heavily if it's affecting health. But just a live for the moment, like what you like and go for it attitude.

I think he has a drink problem.

“he doesn't have an off switch” and “drinking alone”- those are red flags OP. He doesn’t see it as a problem despite a mini stroke and diabetes and is dependent on alcohol. This idea of explaining it away as hedonism is just a way of not accepting what is going on with him but ultimately unless he accepts that he has a troubled relationship with alcohol then you are powerless. For context I am a recovering alcoholic, I know I can’t just have one drink so I don’t have any at all anymore.

https://www.stroke.org.uk/stroke/manage-risk/drink-less-alcohol

It might be worth reading through this.

You say he drinks socially and sometimes lately when he’s alone - but presumably he’s often with just you (and kids if you have any). Does he drink then? Or maybe you don’t live together and seeing you is part of the socially? Just trying to establish whether you’re actually meaning drinking every day or not.

Alcoholic is a pretty outdated term, but he’s clearly a heavy drinker. I think whether he’s alcohol dependent or not would depend on whether he finds it easy/difficult to have nights off.

does he have an alcohol free night?

Maybe suggest a night at the cinema where his drinking will be restricted? His reaction will give you a clearer idea.

If he rushes home and downs a bottle before he’s got his shoes off or spends the whole film getting up and down for more drinks, you could have a problem.

You really don't need to drink 2 bottles of wine a night to appreciate good wine. And given he's had a mini-stroke it's really important he stops or cuts right down. From the body's point of view it makes little difference whether it's 90 units of Chateau Lafite or Special Brew.

I am tempted to say he’s more hedonist than alcoholic.

Could he cut back if he wanted to?

I don't think this place has particularly good form for assessing whether people are alcoholics or not, with a glass of sherry once every three weeks seemingly the usual threshold.

Still, it does sound like he drinks a lot and if he is not an alcoholic already he is probably well on the way towards being one.

That's a drinking problem. Say 2 nights with 2 bottles and realistically a bottle on other nights- 9 bottles a week, 90 units. Plus the whisky presumably.

Have you spoken to him about it?