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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a female only dorm in a bunkhouse?

183 replies

Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 17:47

Im doing a long walk next month in the highlands of scotland. Accomodation is limited to hostels and bunkhouses in some locations. Apparently they are no longer able to ask your gender so all rooms in the bunkhouse I am staying are unisex.

I've asked to be put in with another female and been told the other bunk is booked but because of gdpr they can't tell me if I am sharing with a male or female.

Is this not completely bonkers? Am I being unreasonable to want to know who is going to be in the same room as me while im sleeping or is this just normal and the risk you take?

I'm perplexed and a bit stressed about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 19:26

Mixed reviews and thank you to everyone for your opinion. I have tried to pay extra for a 2 or 4 bedroom but they are too busy. Its 1 night of 4 so I guess I'll just have to suck it up and hope my bunkmate, whomever they are, are lovely. I still think in 2024 you should be able to choose a female only room esp for 2. I've made my bed as they say......

OP posts:
MsLuxLisbon · 10/04/2024 19:19

mitogoshi · 10/04/2024 19:17

Bunkhouses have always varied, many didn't have single sex dorms even 25 years ago. Proper youth hostels do tend to have a single sex option. Remember many bunkhouses only have one room.

YHA do not have single sex rooms. They have single gender rooms.

mitogoshi · 10/04/2024 19:17

Bunkhouses have always varied, many didn't have single sex dorms even 25 years ago. Proper youth hostels do tend to have a single sex option. Remember many bunkhouses only have one room.

Malarandras · 10/04/2024 19:17

I would rather camp in a one person tent, or under a rock, than sleep in a room with one man that I did not know. Sorry you are facing such rotten options OP.

fedupandstuck · 10/04/2024 19:15

Could you book out a whole 4 bed room, which would still be cheaper than the hotel? If there are any available.

Tbh, they are quite clear up front about being mixed sex. I would have to have checked this and would decide on whether the whole trip was possible or not based on whether I could get a single sex room, by booking both beds in a two bed.

Ponderingwindow · 10/04/2024 19:14

You do have a choice, you don’t have to go on this trip. Yes, it will be a missed opportunity, but staying in a room with a stranger is inherently risky, even if that stranger turns out to be female. If it turns out to be a male, then sleeping in that room is…. well, I’m not going to start victim blaming so I’m not going to say what I really think about taking that risk.

Fulshaw · 10/04/2024 19:13

Can you not book into one of the 4 or 6 bed rooms so it’s not just you and one other?

parkrunpal · 10/04/2024 19:10

In which case I’d get to Kingshouse for the bus (you’ll need to book) and travel elsewhere on the Way for that night, being dropped back off at Kingshouse the next morning to continue your walk. I don’t think there’s anything else you can do. We walked in May last year and had to base our whole start date around Kingshouse because like you say there’s not another option really x

Original poster
Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 19:07

parkrunpal · 10/04/2024 19:01

Kingshouse?

I stayed in one of the rooms for two with my son (my choice!) and the bunks are like little cubby pods rather than the YHA sort of bunks. There’s a bit more privacy than you might expect, though I appreciate it might not allay the fears.

The other option would be the pods at the Glencoe mountain resort which are 1.5 miles away

No availability at glencoe, I looked there first

OP posts:
Sweetwatertaste · 10/04/2024 19:05

id have to stay elsewhere or not go. How very shit for women!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/04/2024 19:04

Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:48

I agree, I emailed straight after booking to ask of I could buy the other bunk but they said it was already allocated. The risk you take but I still don't agree with not being able to disclose who you are sharing a room with!

Show quote history

Maybe because they haven’t allocated all of the guests to specific rooms and so don’t know exactly who will share with who yet.

Maybe because the person currently booked in could cancel meaning you would stay with someone else.

Maybe because they are very remote and so if a stalker knew their stalkee was in the area they could work out it was the most likely hostel and seek to find out the person was there by asking for names.

Maybe because name doesn’t always easily indicate sex/ gender.

Maybe for some other reason, ultimately it is their policy not to give out the names of guests to other people. It’s a very reasonable policy and I don’t understand why you are getting so worked up over it.

Pollyannamex · 10/04/2024 19:04

How ridiculous, you are not being unreasonable at all OP

Tempnamechng · 10/04/2024 19:03

This is horrible. Women are far less safe now. I would be terrified if I were a young solo traveller at the prospect of sharing a room with random male strangers. The new legislation and way of the world has made the world so much smaller for women and girls.

parkrunpal · 10/04/2024 19:01

Kingshouse?

I stayed in one of the rooms for two with my son (my choice!) and the bunks are like little cubby pods rather than the YHA sort of bunks. There’s a bit more privacy than you might expect, though I appreciate it might not allay the fears.

The other option would be the pods at the Glencoe mountain resort which are 1.5 miles away

Original poster
Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 19:00

ManchesterBeatrice · 10/04/2024 18:50

What's the place called?

Kingshouse Hotel on the west highland way

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/04/2024 19:00

Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:45

Thanks but if you've read my previous posts you will see one no other option unless I want to walk anotherm20 miles after an already 20 mile hiking day.

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I get that there’s no other solution, I just don’t see what your complaint is. It’s like me wanting McDonalds but being annoyed that the only fast food place in my town is KFC or wanting to buy Tesco brand bread but only having an Aldi locally. It’s a shame that the only option is unisex because you want single sex, but no business is obliged to cater for everyone or change their policies for one person’s needs. If you don’t want to stay somewhere unisex the only solution is not to stay there!

Original poster
Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:58

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2024 18:49

Unfortunately not, it's literally the middle of nowhere.”

(completely missing point ….. ) It’s not Luibeilt, is it? 👻

I dont understand what you mean

OP posts:
ManchesterBeatrice · 10/04/2024 18:50

What's the place called?

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/04/2024 18:49

Unfortunately not, it's literally the middle of nowhere.”

(completely missing point ….. ) It’s not Luibeilt, is it? 👻

Original poster
Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:48

Nowfeeltheneedtopost · 10/04/2024 18:46

I genuinely can’t see they are doing anything wrong. They advertise the bunk room for 2 people as unisex - you yourself said that you used it as such when you shared with your husband. So this is nothing to do with protection of single sex spaces (which I fully support).

Show quote history

I agree, I emailed straight after booking to ask of I could buy the other bunk but they said it was already allocated. The risk you take but I still don't agree with not being able to disclose who you are sharing a room with!

OP posts:
Nowfeeltheneedtopost · 10/04/2024 18:46

Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:37

This is what's annoying! The next nearest place is 20 miles away and I'm hiking so they have me over a barrel. I'd have to cancel my full 4 day trip or walk the extra 20 miles x

Show quote history

I genuinely can’t see they are doing anything wrong. They advertise the bunk room for 2 people as unisex - you yourself said that you used it as such when you shared with your husband. So this is nothing to do with protection of single sex spaces (which I fully support).

Original poster
Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:45

MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/04/2024 18:41

So you need to find an alternative! The bunkhouse is unisex, if you aren’t willing to stay somewhere unisex then you need to go somewhere else. I imagine part of the reason the bunkhouse won’t tell you who you’re sharing with is because for all they know the current person booked in will cancel and then someone else will book in who could be of a different sex. They won’t want to tell you something that isn’t guaranteed and then have you complain on arrival. If staying somewhere single sex is a dealbreaker for you then this isn’t going to be suitable accommodation.

Show quote history

Thanks but if you've read my previous posts you will see one no other option unless I want to walk anotherm20 miles after an already 20 mile hiking day.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/04/2024 18:41

Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:39

I agree and have stayed in bunkhouses for years but there's a difference between a 12 bed dorm and a 2 bed room

Show quote history

So you need to find an alternative! The bunkhouse is unisex, if you aren’t willing to stay somewhere unisex then you need to go somewhere else. I imagine part of the reason the bunkhouse won’t tell you who you’re sharing with is because for all they know the current person booked in will cancel and then someone else will book in who could be of a different sex. They won’t want to tell you something that isn’t guaranteed and then have you complain on arrival. If staying somewhere single sex is a dealbreaker for you then this isn’t going to be suitable accommodation.

Original poster
Firefightress1 · 10/04/2024 18:39

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/04/2024 18:34

Bunkhouses being mixed sex long precedes any gender woo. One aspect of bunkhouses is that they’re usually in remote locations and often used informally by hikers who may have planned to sleep elsewhere but have reached their limit / acquired an injury / been caught by bad weather and desperately need somewhere to stay. Bunkhouses don’t like to turn people in those circumstances away as it can be fatal, so it’s pragmatic that all bunkrooms are mixed sex and any spare beds can be given to either sex.

I agree and have stayed in bunkhouses for years but there's a difference between a 12 bed dorm and a 2 bed room

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 10/04/2024 18:38

Totally agree. Bonkers