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Original poster

Guy lied about which university he went to

410 replies

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:30

We were talking about our backgrounds etc. And he told me he'd been to the 'uni of' of the town, which has a good rep.
I live pretty much next door to that uni so I asked him if he'd lived in halls close by.
He said no he'd lived in an area in the South of the city as his campus was based there.
The area he mentioned is a very nice, affluent neighbourhood and I had a look at the campus.
It turns out the 'uni of' doesn't have a campus there, it's the 'poly' that has a campus there.
I couldn't care less what uni he went to or even if he went to uni, I went to one of these so-called 'lesser' unis for my masters and I think in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares where you went, the right people wouldn't anyway.
However, the lying is a red flag for me. I get it was maybe to try and impress me or that he felt embarrassed, but the lying makes me uncomfortable. Would you say this is a red flag?

OP posts:
ReadingSoManyThreads · 10/04/2024 22:01

YABU

I don't mention the last Uni I went to by name, it used to be a 'poly' in it's day but it's known as being a shitty uni, the only reason I did my Post Grad there was because it was the only place within a couple of hundred miles that did the course I wanted to do. Thankfully, I have my main degree from a highly thought of Uni, so I always just say that Uni name when asked.

I don't really see it as lying, my husband always takes the piss of the shitshow of a Uni I did my Post Grad in, so it's purely to save my embarrassment.

I wouldn't see this as a red flag. I've never lied about it on a CV or professional environment, so don't see the problem trying to save face in a casual setting.

EmilyTjP · 10/04/2024 21:58

I feel you checking his story and searching campus’, halls and courses is more of a red flag! Stalkerish!

Creamcoconut · 10/04/2024 21:56

Polytechnics are no more. They are all unis.

Chatonette · 10/04/2024 21:55

Samlewis96 · 10/04/2024 21:43

Lol I knew he went uni in London. Not which one though. An yeah course we had growing up conversation but names of places long ago are kind of irrelevant. Why on earth would it matter what school in London he attended 50 odd years ago? Wouldn't mean anything to me anyway as didn't grow up in same area

I know about his work history previous marriage and travels

Show quote history

My OH and I grew up in different countries, so his schools are not local to me. He says stuff like, ‘When I was at x school, we…’

Yourethebeerthief · 10/04/2024 21:54

A bit like going to the ancient universities in Scotland and saying you have a masters. I went to one of the ancient universities so I have an MA. But it's called a BA everywhere else. I didn't do a post-grad degree.

Radicat · 10/04/2024 21:54

But also @Snoopy104 how old are you referring to anywhere as a poly in this day and age? Surely new university is more the lingo for anyone under the age of about 50?!

Radicat · 10/04/2024 21:52

Cross-post with @AngelinaFibres seems we’ve had brushes with similar men!

Radicat · 10/04/2024 21:52

Hmm, my ex-H used to tell little, seemingly irrelevant lies like this. I dismissed it as being unimportant. Get a few years down the line and turns out he’s a pathological liar. Could barely trust a word he said, and much of it for no discernible reason. So based on my experience I’d give him a wide berth!

AngelinaFibres · 10/04/2024 21:51

My exhusband ( recently deceased) told his final girlfriend that he had been a student at Merton College Oxford.
He had actually been a student at Merton tech in London in the mid eighties and had studied motor cycle mechanics.It was one of hundreds of lies. Be careful Op.

NerdWhoEatsMedlar · 10/04/2024 21:50

Dump the boyfriend. Buy some pearls to clutch. Don't date anyone over 50 again, there is a risk they went to a Polytechnic.

Ihearyousingingdownthewire · 10/04/2024 21:49

Bath/Bath Spa.

Southampton/Solent.

Oxford/Oxford Brookes.

Spudthespanner · 10/04/2024 21:49

@MichaelFlatulence

Exactly, clearly own it with no intention to show a chip on their shoulder

Yeh, they're all highly successful, senior, well respected in their fields and earning a lot of money. They've nothing to feel embarrassed about.

Love the username btw!

RandomUsernameHere · 10/04/2024 21:47

People do this a lot with Bristol and UWE. Agree with PPs it's about the dishonesty more than where he actually went to university.

Samlewis96 · 10/04/2024 21:43

Chatonette · 10/04/2024 21:40

Have you not had conversations about your lives…childhood, growing up, etc? I know where my OH went for primary, secondary, 6th form college, and uni. I’m interested in his life.

Show quote history

Lol I knew he went uni in London. Not which one though. An yeah course we had growing up conversation but names of places long ago are kind of irrelevant. Why on earth would it matter what school in London he attended 50 odd years ago? Wouldn't mean anything to me anyway as didn't grow up in same area

I know about his work history previous marriage and travels

MichaelFlatulence · 10/04/2024 21:43

Spudthespanner · 10/04/2024 21:14

Weird. I know a few folk who went to Oxford Brookes. They call it "Brookes" whenever they're talking about their time there.

Show quote history

Exactly, clearly own it with no intention to show a chip on their shoulder!

HarelessMiffy · 10/04/2024 21:41

I think worrying about this (and the google search) is batshit crazy

Chatonette · 10/04/2024 21:40

Samlewis96 · 10/04/2024 21:03

Lol I have been with my partner for 8 years and don't know what uni he went to. Never really come up in conversation or if it has I took no notice. Why is it a big deal anyway?

Have you not had conversations about your lives…childhood, growing up, etc? I know where my OH went for primary, secondary, 6th form college, and uni. I’m interested in his life.

TheCadoganArms · 10/04/2024 21:27

Kill him

Calliopespa · 10/04/2024 21:25

Iwouldlikesomecake · 10/04/2024 17:39

Yeah red flag. I’ve been to a red brick and an old poly and they were both the best for the subjects I studied, there’s no shame in going somewhere that’s a newer uni- not even that new any more lol- but if you’re saying you went to University of Oxford and you actually went to Oxford Brookes you’ve got issues.

There can be fine distinctions though. So many people I met who said they were “ at university in Oxford” were, it would transpire when I asked which college, in fact at Oxford Brookes. It was a bit irritating but I couldn’t actually call that phrasing a “ lie.”

PlasticOno · 10/04/2024 21:24

Spudthespanner · 10/04/2024 21:14

Weird. I know a few folk who went to Oxford Brookes. They call it "Brookes" whenever they're talking about their time there.

Show quote history

Everyone I know who went there said ‘Brookes’.

WomanFromTheNorth · 10/04/2024 21:21

I always say I went to uni in Sheffield. It was a poly when I started by changed to sheffield hallam uni whilst I was there. I would never say that I went to Sheffield University but it might be ambiguous I suppose. But I don't do it for any reason other than it's easier to say than I went to Sheffield hallam uni. I couldn't give a shit what uni anyone goes to. So did he say that he went to X University or that he went to Uni in X? Because I don't think there's anything wrong with the latter.

InfoComet · 10/04/2024 21:16

Samlewis96 · 10/04/2024 21:03

Lol I have been with my partner for 8 years and don't know what uni he went to. Never really come up in conversation or if it has I took no notice. Why is it a big deal anyway?

I think this might be even more odd!

Spudthespanner · 10/04/2024 21:14

MichaelFlatulence · 10/04/2024 17:47

I know someone that went to’Oxford’ Brookes, they invariably left off the Brookes. Even their wedding tables had Oxford college names. Insecurity. Exaggeration, misleading. Can’t find a positive adjective

Weird. I know a few folk who went to Oxford Brookes. They call it "Brookes" whenever they're talking about their time there.

Usernamechange222 · 10/04/2024 21:10

I also think it is a red flag. When people lie about things like this, they tend to lie about other things too and they are generally deceptive people.

BarbarasRhabarberBar · 10/04/2024 21:10

JayJayEl · 10/04/2024 21:05

Are you sure it wasn't just a language mistake on his part? When I went to uni (2004) mine was a 'University College', but changed to a 'University of...' halfway through my degree. That didn't alter my (or seemingly anyone else's) language around where we were studying.

Northampton did this around the same time. I say uni of. When I graduated it was uni of.