Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guy lied about which university he went to

410 replies

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:30

We were talking about our backgrounds etc. And he told me he'd been to the 'uni of' of the town, which has a good rep.
I live pretty much next door to that uni so I asked him if he'd lived in halls close by.
He said no he'd lived in an area in the South of the city as his campus was based there.
The area he mentioned is a very nice, affluent neighbourhood and I had a look at the campus.
It turns out the 'uni of' doesn't have a campus there, it's the 'poly' that has a campus there.
I couldn't care less what uni he went to or even if he went to uni, I went to one of these so-called 'lesser' unis for my masters and I think in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares where you went, the right people wouldn't anyway.
However, the lying is a red flag for me. I get it was maybe to try and impress me or that he felt embarrassed, but the lying makes me uncomfortable. Would you say this is a red flag?

OP posts:
CroftonWillow · 10/04/2024 20:20

He's probably hoping to impress you or at least not embarrass himself because he likes you. A minor mistake in my book.

Original poster
Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 20:19

For anyone saying I'd judge him, I said in my OP that I went to one of the 'lower ranking ' unis for my Master's, and as I said I couldn't care less which uni he went to. I'd find it really odd to turn someone down based on what uni they attended .

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 20:19

VerlynWebbe · 10/04/2024 20:16

Are you twelve?

Show quote history

No, are you?
You're the one who claims not to care about someone's education, but give people dirty looks when they're not totally specific about something they did many years ago.

Shepadoodle · 10/04/2024 20:18

I had a friend who would respond "anglia Ruskin" when asked which university he attended. If someone asked where he went to university he said "Cambridge". He wasn't trying to pretend he went to Cambridge, he just thought people were more interested in talking about life in the city where they went to university. If it's Oxford Brookes it's hardly embarrassing. I work in post grad. Several students went there and are now doing masters funded by the formula 1 teams they work for.

VerlynWebbe · 10/04/2024 20:16

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 20:15

So if you ask someone how they are and they say 'fine' when they're not, do you dismiss them too, after all a lie is a lie in your book isn't it?
Even when it's totally harmless?

Show quote history

Are you twelve?

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 20:15

VerlynWebbe · 10/04/2024 20:13

We have different red lines, which is fine, but I grew up with liars and I can't abide pretentions, so I disagree. And happily, I'm not in the OP's position!

Show quote history

So if you ask someone how they are and they say 'fine' when they're not, do you dismiss them too, after all a lie is a lie in your book isn't it?
Even when it's totally harmless?

SapphireSeptember · 10/04/2024 20:15

MichaelFlatulence · 10/04/2024 17:47

I know someone that went to’Oxford’ Brookes, they invariably left off the Brookes. Even their wedding tables had Oxford college names. Insecurity. Exaggeration, misleading. Can’t find a positive adjective

I never went to university but I always thought Oxford Brookes was a cool place to go. Lots of gigs of bands I liked going on there when I was a skint teenager who couldn't afford tickets! I grew up not far from Oxford and now I'm near Cambridge. 😊 My family did not disown me for that betrayal. 😁

VerlynWebbe · 10/04/2024 20:13

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 20:11

It's a white lie or not even that, just a lie by omission.

Show quote history

We have different red lines, which is fine, but I grew up with liars and I can't abide pretentions, so I disagree. And happily, I'm not in the OP's position!

whyismysoupcold · 10/04/2024 20:12

Are you dating Jeffrey Archer? 😂

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 20:11

VerlynWebbe · 10/04/2024 20:09

No. I don't like it when people let you believe things which, in some people's eyes, are more prestigious. Personally I have hung around enough people by this stage in life to know that it is absolutely not the degree you got from which particular Oxbridge college that makes a person, but also to know that the sort of people who think it is are not much worth bothering about. Everyone has a path in life and I value smart, hard working people. I also despise liars. This is too close to a lie for me to want to be a friend of that person, let alone more.

Show quote history

It's a white lie or not even that, just a lie by omission.

Hocuspocusnonsense · 10/04/2024 20:10

No. I would say he senses you’re going to judge him.

NoWayRose · 10/04/2024 20:10

I would not like this. 1) It’s disingenuous and speaks to a lack of integrity. C’mon if he said The University of Sheffield when it was Sheffield Hallam that’s just lying. 2) It’s a turnoff that he feels so insecure that he can’t just own that he went to Hallam. What’s on his LinkedIn?

VerlynWebbe · 10/04/2024 20:09

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 19:59

"I am not too bothered about people's education but I honestly wouldn't be able to deal with the...lack of clarification."

Sounds like you really are bothered.

No. I don't like it when people let you believe things which, in some people's eyes, are more prestigious. Personally I have hung around enough people by this stage in life to know that it is absolutely not the degree you got from which particular Oxbridge college that makes a person, but also to know that the sort of people who think it is are not much worth bothering about. Everyone has a path in life and I value smart, hard working people. I also despise liars. This is too close to a lie for me to want to be a friend of that person, let alone more.

Bordesleyhills · 10/04/2024 20:09

I went to Oxford Brookes- it was a poly . I still studied in Oxford just not at Oxford!

3peassuit · 10/04/2024 20:08

Bristol and UWE? He sounds insecure.

mumda · 10/04/2024 20:07

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:36

It's just that he made a point of saying 'uni of' when the actual uni has a different name.

So: University in Liverpool rather than either Liverpool University or John Moores University?

Abbimae · 10/04/2024 20:06

Anglia poly vs Cambridge?

Mistredd · 10/04/2024 20:04

Is it the equivalent of saying:
I went to the university of Oxford
But he went to Oxford Brookes (a perfectly fine place to go but obviously not Uni of Oxford)?

I think I’d probably give it a pass but have the conversation again and given him a chance to come clean. If he digs in further I’d assume there wasn’t really a future because if there was you wouldn’t keep up a lie about something like that.

ArchaeoSpy · 10/04/2024 20:03

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:36

It's just that he made a point of saying 'uni of' when the actual uni has a different name.

sometimes its the way its worded or people say a shortened version at times etc

karmasarelaxingthought · 10/04/2024 20:00

Went out with someone who did this on a big scale, lying even to me and everyone at his work for years (this was before internet made it impossible to get away with this on a large scale). I couldn't have cared less where he'd gone to uni what I really cared when I found out from someone else was he'd been lying for so long. He turned out to be a liar in all sorts of other ways as well, as the woman he subsequently married after I dumped him discovered. It's a massive red flag - avoid

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 19:59

"I am not too bothered about people's education but I honestly wouldn't be able to deal with the...lack of clarification."

Sounds like you really are bothered.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 19:56

UncomfortablyBig882 · 10/04/2024 17:42

A guy from my school claimed he went to Oxford. Everyone was sooo impressed. My own mother was discussing this with a few of her friends "omg I can't believe he went to Oxford, he did so well" (I'm from a small town). It was particularly astonishing as he was a smart lad but not super academic.

Years later, when LinkedIn became a thing, I googled him and it turns out he went to Oxford Brookes. Nothing wrong with it except it's not Oxford.

Just Google him.

Are you sure this guy claimed he went to Oxford and not some misunderstanding or his parents bigging him up?

Something like that happened to me when I was young. I was mortified at the time, but now I think it's great these local people think I did something I didn't actually do!

DuckDuckNo · 10/04/2024 19:42

MILTOBE · 10/04/2024 18:50

Wasn't that noticed in his CV or application form? Did you mention at the interview that you'd been there at the same time?

Show quote history

At least I did not notice before the interview. I did say "oh - that's funny, I don't remember you from there" and he said "I did not lie!"

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 10/04/2024 19:40

Does the poly name give an indication of where it is geographically?

Maybe he was just trying to convey which town he had been to, in a clumsy shortcut?

cerisepanther73 · 10/04/2024 19:39

Trying to impress a bit too hard or something...

It was daft as you were bound to find out sooner or later ....

Clown 🤡 what a,fool

Swipe left for the next trending thread