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Guy lied about which university he went to

410 replies

Snoopy104 · 10/04/2024 17:30

We were talking about our backgrounds etc. And he told me he'd been to the 'uni of' of the town, which has a good rep.
I live pretty much next door to that uni so I asked him if he'd lived in halls close by.
He said no he'd lived in an area in the South of the city as his campus was based there.
The area he mentioned is a very nice, affluent neighbourhood and I had a look at the campus.
It turns out the 'uni of' doesn't have a campus there, it's the 'poly' that has a campus there.
I couldn't care less what uni he went to or even if he went to uni, I went to one of these so-called 'lesser' unis for my masters and I think in the grand scheme of things nobody really cares where you went, the right people wouldn't anyway.
However, the lying is a red flag for me. I get it was maybe to try and impress me or that he felt embarrassed, but the lying makes me uncomfortable. Would you say this is a red flag?

OP posts:
BarbarasRhabarberBar · 10/04/2024 21:09

The more I read this, the more I think red flag. It says a lot about his personality and these are things I wouldn't want to get involved with. I'd make sure you weren't wrong and there was a campus and I would ask him directly, maybe in a subtle way which I I he went to. "Did you say you went to Nottingham Trent?" And if he says no "uni of Nottingham" then you know you're done.

A grown man should not be so insecure about where he went to uni that he lies. It's meaningless, so what happens with the stuff that actually matters? And where does it end?

It's possible that he's as honest as the day is long once he knows a person and he'd be the most loyal partner ever but why start off weird?!

Usernamechange222 · 10/04/2024 21:08

I know someone who told people he went to Cambridge university. He did but only for a summer course. It is very deceptive.

MauveDuck · 10/04/2024 21:08

Or, further to my previous reply... to be fair it couldve been uni of liverpool, hope or jmu... we have those 3 as the main ones.

Crapuscular · 10/04/2024 21:05

Unfortunately, there still remains a snobbery . I don't know why.
Polytechnics provided graduates with skills.

University provided graduates with academic , thinking skills which didn't necessarily relate to the real world.

This snobbery won't go away just yet but it is fast eroding.

I'm waffling now but my mum, from an Eastern European country almost 60 years ago told me this ... ( which I've mentioned here before)

A man stands in front of a long row of doors at the foot of the steps that lead to the doors of a polytechnic and a university.

It's graduation day. The students congregate at the top of the steps.

A student walks down to the man and the man says ' Congratulations. What is your degree in ?'
The student replies 'History.'
The man turns around and muses. Eventually he points to a door and says 'You can go through that door.'

( you can guess what's coming.)

Another student walks down the steps to the man and the man says ' Congratulations! What's your degree ?'
The student say's 'engineering.'
The man quickly says , 'and which door would you like to go through?'

I'm sorry that your bf is struggling to come to terms with where he went to but I'm guessing there may have been some parental dissatisfaction or continued snobbery.

I'm secretly thinking University of Manchester as opposed to Man Met ?
He is just feeling a bit down about it but absolutely shouldn't given that this imbalance, which there shouldn't be, was over thirty years ago.
In many countries, a polytechnic degree is considered far superior.
Polytechnic just means many 'many technical arts and sciences.' That's all but the government at the time felt that it sounded inferior.
It really doesn't matter.

JayJayEl · 10/04/2024 21:05

Are you sure it wasn't just a language mistake on his part? When I went to uni (2004) mine was a 'University College', but changed to a 'University of...' halfway through my degree. That didn't alter my (or seemingly anyone else's) language around where we were studying.

Samlewis96 · 10/04/2024 21:03

Lol I have been with my partner for 8 years and don't know what uni he went to. Never really come up in conversation or if it has I took no notice. Why is it a big deal anyway?

Noras · 10/04/2024 21:01

It’s sad that he does not feel comfortable to tell you the truth - if he went to a lesser place. Other than that it’s fairly irrelevant as I went to both UCL (SEES) and UwE ( when a poly) and the teaching was great at UWE
and UCL - it’s just that the professor was famous at UCL ( and still is everywhere in Waterstones in his section). Some people choose to go to these lower grade colleges with decent grades. My husband has an A C and D and still went to poly - in those days that was good enough for a red brick - 36 years ago. …grade inflation!

I think you should just jokingly say - do you mean you went o X .

Where did you go and is he intimidated? I woken want to address that maybe.

bonzaitree · 10/04/2024 21:01

BebeG922 · 10/04/2024 20:45

Oh! Not good.

It was not good.

similar to OP I didn’t care he voted labour or Tory. I didn’t care if he was director or not. But sadly due to his lies I couldn’t trust him.

Tattletwat · 10/04/2024 20:59

InfoComet · 10/04/2024 20:54

Saying “the uni of” is a strange way of describing a uni, I would think from this sentence that they were trying to inflate their story.

You'd always say Uni/University of Nottingham. If someone said they'd been to Nottingham University I'd instantly think it was a lie.

Generally if someone says to me they've went to University in Nottingham, I'd ask Nottingham Nottingham or Trent? It's not snobbishness, Trent has a really good reputation for some things but no point reminiscing with someone who went somewhere else!

Absolutely I'm from Sheffield and you either go to university of Sheffield or Hallam, if you say university of it tends to mean what it's called.

Tomatojuiceandvodka · 10/04/2024 20:59

I’m afraid I’d think this a massive red flag. I did my post grad in Manchester and 100% people stated which uni they were at by saying either uni of/just Manchester or man met.

it reminds me of a bloke a friend dated once who came with an incredible backstory all about his heroic life in the forces and all sorts of crazy stuff. My then husband was a serving soldier who was keen to meet him and talk shop on a night out. After about ten mins he said, “ this bloke has never been in the army.” Eventually, she called him out and he admitted he had lied.

I’m not a snob at all but it’s the embellishment for me. Throw this one back.

VerlynWebbe · 10/04/2024 20:59

Gwenhwyfar · 10/04/2024 20:36

You wrote that you deliberately caught her eye, I presume to try to make her feel bad.

No. Once again, you misunderstood.

Bubblegum921 · 10/04/2024 20:58

Definitely sounds like Liverpool Hope, as a pp said. It is known for being a former polytechnic but it’s now a great uni in its own right.
My ex told me he was studying at the “uni of” (Liverpool) when we were together, it was years later that I found out he’d actually failed his A-levels and had been at community college. Bit shady as he’d looked down at my uni of choice.

InfoComet · 10/04/2024 20:54

Saying “the uni of” is a strange way of describing a uni, I would think from this sentence that they were trying to inflate their story.

You'd always say Uni/University of Nottingham. If someone said they'd been to Nottingham University I'd instantly think it was a lie.

Generally if someone says to me they've went to University in Nottingham, I'd ask Nottingham Nottingham or Trent? It's not snobbishness, Trent has a really good reputation for some things but no point reminiscing with someone who went somewhere else!

Gonners · 10/04/2024 20:53

My OH has just laughed a lot at this, as I asked him if he was absolutely sure that he went to Columbia and not the Universidad de Medellín.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 10/04/2024 20:53

UncomfortablyBig882 · 10/04/2024 20:48

@Itloggedmeoutagain In the 80s or whenever, when most of your dates were friends of friends, of course you didn't bother checking their background.

In 2024, when most people meet online and have ZERO mutual connections, of course you Google their name/check what they are saying about themselves, especially if you have a gut feeling. They could literally be anyone. You would be very naive not to.

OP sensed something about what he said was odd. So she checked it. That's not odd, that's self-preservation.

I meant looked up the campus lectures not looked him up

Tattletwat · 10/04/2024 20:51

Is it Sheffield , people often joke about hallam being a poly but it's not meant in any seriousness

Shan5474 · 10/04/2024 20:49

I think the way he worded it was ambiguous and you made an assumption. Personally I wouldn’t see that alone as a red flag, but insecurity/possible low self esteem this early on would be a pink one for me

UncomfortablyBig882 · 10/04/2024 20:48

Itloggedmeoutagain · 10/04/2024 20:43

Am i the only one who thinks it is odd that you looked it up? Have i misread that? Are you not the one with the red flag?

@Itloggedmeoutagain In the 80s or whenever, when most of your dates were friends of friends, of course you didn't bother checking their background.

In 2024, when most people meet online and have ZERO mutual connections, of course you Google their name/check what they are saying about themselves, especially if you have a gut feeling. They could literally be anyone. You would be very naive not to.

OP sensed something about what he said was odd. So she checked it. That's not odd, that's self-preservation.

curiositykilledthiscat · 10/04/2024 20:48

Moveoverdarlin · 10/04/2024 20:34

I think you’re being pedantic. When people ask me where I went to uni, I just say the city. But I did in fact go to the lesser known uni.

People wouldn’t know where it was if I said the name, it’s not a snobby thing, the main uni isn’t that good either.

This is not a red flag.

Oh give over. If you’re asked where you did your degree and you replied “York” it would generally be assumed you went to the University of York, regardless of whether you went there or York St John University.

BebeG922 · 10/04/2024 20:46

BebeG922 · 10/04/2024 20:45

Oh! Not good.

It's especially a huge red flag when it comes to politics too!

BebeG922 · 10/04/2024 20:45

bonzaitree · 10/04/2024 20:44

I went out with one like this.

said he voted labour. Then said he voted Tory.

Said he was a director of the company he worked at. Saw his email signature and he wasn’t.

He was a people pleaser and lied as to what he thought I wanted to hear. Nightmare.

Oh! Not good.

OnTheBoardwalk · 10/04/2024 20:44

Salford Poly merged with Salford uni 30 years ago and immediately increased their uni status overnight due to the existing poly media opportunities

I do believe it’s one of the reasons media city is now in Salford.

thoseinperil · 10/04/2024 20:44

My daughter went to Oxford brooks - I tend to say she did a masters in Oxford , at Oxford Brooks but I'm exceptionally honest and might feel I seas misleading

BebeG922 · 10/04/2024 20:44

NewFriendlyLadybird · 10/04/2024 20:43

Doubt it. She’d have asked which college, and he would absolutely have had to fess up.

True, indeed.

bonzaitree · 10/04/2024 20:44

I went out with one like this.

said he voted labour. Then said he voted Tory.

Said he was a director of the company he worked at. Saw his email signature and he wasn’t.

He was a people pleaser and lied as to what he thought I wanted to hear. Nightmare.