Visiting your adult children

I would have loved my mum to come, tidy a bit, pop on a dinner, maybe bake a cake, do her granny bit on homework ( no nonsense there) and then a little chat after dinner. So only if its a help and improves everyone's life. Kids enjoy being picked up by grandparents but if afterschool etc is in place it would not work. Maybe during school holidays for childminding.

I have visited adult children during week - the main reason was to look after children/help out but there has been occasions when the purpose was to take children to school/nursery and pick up in the afternoon as one of the parents away on business so middle of day was "free time" so after doing things like putting on washing/dishwasher and tidying kitchen/room I was able to go out and see the sights another occasion I was staying the week but they had friends visiting one day so I wasn't intruding

Ask them. They might actually like it for a change if you are the kind of considerate guests who look after themselves, clear up the breakfast things and cook supper or order a takeaway or fire up the barbecue or take them to the pub for dinner so you are reducing their workload rather than increasing it. Also, it means they have more weekends to themselves for seeing friends or chilling 😂

Fe me I think it depends on whether you're expecting to be hosted or whether you'll muck-in. If this was my mum she'd cook one day and I'd cook the other which would be lovely. If I had to do fullon hosting on top of full time work it'd be too much.

I loved it when GPs came to stay midweek, but they didn't treat it as a hotel and go off during the day.

They'd take us to and from school, do some housework and gardening and have dinner waiting when the adults got home.

TBH, as an adult, I might prefer that to having to entertain guests all weekend.

Ask them what they prefer.

MIL invited herself for 5 nights at short notice a couple of months ago. It was very carefully explained that while she was welcome it was not enough notice for either of us to get time off. She knows we both work full time, we always have. 'No problem, I'll entertain myself ' etc

Predictably she was complaining about having to get the train everywhere after day 2, as well as everything else.
You know when your trying to accommodate someone, they won't express any preferences, but everything you do seems somehow to be wrong? Fun times after a day at work.

I freaking love weekday visits!!!! (As daughter/DIL).

ya get to have coffee with then, then come home to dinner with a few chores done. I always feel so loved and spoiled. Dog gets walked and loved! My god they are the best.

Best if you come for the weekend too, or at least part of it! So you get good visiting in too.

and I guess have the relationship where kids won’t mind that you vacuumed and cooked! My MIL is a horrible cook, so we insist on cooking when she’s around. But hubby cuts his days short to go home, I work a little extra to compensate and they get good 1:1 times.

edit. I suppose I should add we live far away, so it’s added time to visits. And parents are happy entertaining themselves! And I’m not exhausted by their company, I love them!

Personally I'd hate people staying during the week so YANBU. Depends on them though but I can't imagine many people would like this. I'm knackered during the week and don't want to have to entertain other people.

We've never let a parent stay over when we have work the next day. So we've only ever had them to stay at most Friday-Sunday for 20 years!
My morning routine is very rigid and I just want to get on with it without having to take anyone else into consideration/chat to anyone/make coffees.
I then WFH part of the week and couldn't do that with someone else in the house with me, or liable to pop back etc (as I'm often on client calls).

@worriedMiL33

Yes it's obvious but sos many parents don't have think to ask their adult dc.
To see this mindset in action is interesting!

It's weird that he came up with an idea, you rejected it (admittedly, on perfectly reasonable grounds), he got irritated because you 'didn't give it enough thought' -- but it took an anonymous internet forum to suggest asking the children!

Depends really, no kids here and wouldn't really mind someone visiting during the week but they might find us more up to being entertaining in the evening on a weekend...I'm in bed asleep by 10 most work nights.

Maybe a hybrid - so Thurs/Friday and leave on Saturday or Sunday morning so they have a bit of time to themselves at the weekend.

or visit at weekend and go off and do your own thing.

Seems a bit odd to visit someone though and not want to spend some daytime with them...

You are being unreasonable but only because you haven't thought to ask them what they prefer!

I hope this is meant as a joke, but I confess I can't see it.

Out of the 13 replies before yours, the 1st, 3rd, 6th, 7th, 9th, 11th, 12th and 13th suggest asking them.

For me it would be lovely at some points of the year, hellish at others. I would just ask!

@Spitalfieldrose christ that's madness, what was she thinking 😮

I can't believe no one is suggesting merely aksing ""them". They will surley know best??

If you intend to be helpful, help with school runs, start dinner, take to sports / clubs in the evening, they may love it. Especially as it would give them back another free weekend a month. If you intend to be hosted, they may not like it. The only way to know for sure is to ask them.

Do your kids have children? If not, it may work, but you would need their opinion as to whether that was suitable. If they have children, I can’t see it working.

For us, our entire load is reduced so it helps massively. From school runs to making dinner, to giving us time as a couple to go out. Depends on if you're going to help out, expect to be hosted, be in the way or just blend in. Ask them?

It's their weekend that they're probably less willing to give up for visitors. Weekends are precious to full-time workers.
On the other hand, I'd quite like to have dinner cooked for me after work

Just ask them!
This is the route to problems!
Ask them what they would prefer, I'm sure they will be delighted.

God no! My MIL used to let herself into our house a couple of days a week, so she could be there when we got home from work. I have no idea why she thought this was a good idea? But the last thing I wanted when I got home from a day at work was to find any sort of relative there, who I then had to entertain. It ended up with us moving a lot further away!

Yeah for me personally I'd not be happy with this. I love my parents to death but my quiet mornings to myself before work are vital to my survival and the survival of everyone around me at work.

I also like just whipping my bra across the room at the end of a work day and really relaxing with a book or podcast, which would be hard if I was hosting, even if it was my parents.

But really... Ask your kids! They might be aliens from outer space and love the idea.