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Original poster

Is using repeated question marks rude or not???

58 replies

User1979289 · 10/04/2024 12:31

I find it rude to send a message "I'm running 10 mins late, can you wait???" I get a lot from clients "Can you do Tuesday at 3.30pm??"
Mostly from people who aren't rude at all in real life.

IANBU: it is rude!?!
IABU: Wake up grandma, it is 2024!?!

OP posts:
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Original poster
User1979289 · 10/04/2024 16:16

KreedKafer · 10/04/2024 15:41

It completely depends on the context. For example, my DP texted me yesterday about a place we used to eat all the time and said "Just walked down [street] on my lunchbreak - did you know [restaurant] has closed down???" which was not rude in any way. The triple ? was just to emphasise his shock/surprise at seeing the place has gone; essentially equivalent to starting the sentence with 'OMG'.

But if someone on eBay or Vinted sent me a message saying 'Have you posted my item yet???' or 'Why are you charging so much for this top???' then that would be rude because clearly they're using the ?s to make their question seem more demanding and accusative.

Yes this I agree with. When my cat ate my daughters beauty blender and shat it out I took a photo and captioned it WTF???!!!?!? for the old family group chat so I am guilty of this one myself.

OP posts:
Verv · 10/04/2024 16:13

It's my prompt to reply in 3-5 working days.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 10/04/2024 16:09

MrsBungle · 10/04/2024 13:19

I hate this. I find it rude in a work context and unprofessional.

TBF would only ever use on text/whatsapp. Using in business context is weird .

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 10/04/2024 16:08

MenoBabe · 10/04/2024 13:15

I use to indicate that I'm very uncertain about what I'm asking. Not intended rudely at all.

Yes this.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 10/04/2024 16:06

EveSix · 10/04/2024 12:41

Is it intended as a kind of emphasis? Weird.

It is. I do it all the time - don't realise people may take it as rude (not that I can imagine my friends/family overthinking like this).

IsadoraQuagmire · 10/04/2024 15:54

KreedKafer · 10/04/2024 15:41

It completely depends on the context. For example, my DP texted me yesterday about a place we used to eat all the time and said "Just walked down [street] on my lunchbreak - did you know [restaurant] has closed down???" which was not rude in any way. The triple ? was just to emphasise his shock/surprise at seeing the place has gone; essentially equivalent to starting the sentence with 'OMG'.

But if someone on eBay or Vinted sent me a message saying 'Have you posted my item yet???' or 'Why are you charging so much for this top???' then that would be rude because clearly they're using the ?s to make their question seem more demanding and accusative.

Exactly. I'll occasionally use ??? or !!! for emphasis, but only to close friends, not to people I don't know so well and definitely not in a work context.

Peclet · 10/04/2024 15:52

Mainly illiterate.

KreedKafer · 10/04/2024 15:41

It completely depends on the context. For example, my DP texted me yesterday about a place we used to eat all the time and said "Just walked down [street] on my lunchbreak - did you know [restaurant] has closed down???" which was not rude in any way. The triple ? was just to emphasise his shock/surprise at seeing the place has gone; essentially equivalent to starting the sentence with 'OMG'.

But if someone on eBay or Vinted sent me a message saying 'Have you posted my item yet???' or 'Why are you charging so much for this top???' then that would be rude because clearly they're using the ?s to make their question seem more demanding and accusative.

Allfur · 10/04/2024 15:28

Not as rude as the crying laughing emoji which lots of posters seems to love to prove a point

rainbowunicorn · 10/04/2024 15:26

Yes, it is rude. As is the overuse of exclamation marks. Some people use an exclamation mark at the end of any sentence on here. It drives me mad.

GettingtheElectric · 10/04/2024 15:25

Well, possibly not consciously rude, just inarticulate and with a tin ear for tone. Repeated question marks implies an extremely urgent question which, if asked face to face would be said in an extremely urgent tone of voice. And frankly, they're not usually used to indicate this in a text, and if it were that important, you'd just phone the person, anyway.

RobertaFirmino · 10/04/2024 15:14

Bear in mind that most communication with others has 'clues'. Tone of voice, facial expressions, hand gestures, that sort of thing. Text messages have none of these clues so it can be very easy to take them in the wrong way.

GasPanic · 10/04/2024 15:14

To me it is an emphasis, such that the questioners wants you to think really carefully about the question, or there may be serious consequences as a result of not thinking about the answer you give. Or there is something that really does not make sense.

If someone always puts lots of question marks after a question then it is irritating as like most things of this nature it is a useful tool when used with discrimination but useless when it is used all the time.

I would probably just write the question with one question mark, then after it "Are you sure?" to achieve the same effect.

ObliviousCoalmine · 10/04/2024 15:14

Yes it's rude.

VestibuleVirgin · 10/04/2024 15:13

Catza · 10/04/2024 15:07

There are many illiterate people out there which is why I am quietly seething at emails which contain question marks at the end of affirmative sentences and ellipsis instead of full stops.

I was about to post about question marks used at the end of a non-question remark
E.g. I'm going to the beach tomorrow? Rather like people who end their sentences as if it is a question. But we will be flamed for mentioning anthing about SpaG!😀

Catza · 10/04/2024 15:07

There are many illiterate people out there which is why I am quietly seething at emails which contain question marks at the end of affirmative sentences and ellipsis instead of full stops.

BobbyBiscuits · 10/04/2024 13:34

It's unnecessary and terrible use of punctuation. I kind of understand the issue of a question mark plus exclamation mark, to indicate incredulity or excaspartion about something.
Double question mark doesn't seem to have a meaning. Other than implying you think the person won't answer promptly enough or they have failed to answer previously. It sounds impatient and a bit rude.

Original poster
User1979289 · 10/04/2024 13:29

TheValueOfEverything · 10/04/2024 13:20

??? = this GIF

This is how I see it too, but appreciate I am old and deeply out of touch

OP posts:
Momstermunch · 10/04/2024 13:23

Depends on context for me. In the examples you've given I don't see it as rude. If somebody said 'what do you mean you're running 10 minutes late????' I'd see that as rude as to me it would denote irritation.

I also agree people posting ???? If you don't reply straight away seems rude to me.

SophiaElise · 10/04/2024 13:22

Of course it's rude.

Cheepcheepcheep · 10/04/2024 13:22

I’m being daft and can’t work out - are you free at 3??

vs

I’d like us to discuss this soon. Are you free at 3??

First one I think fine (though I’d usually go !? rather than ??) but the second one is fairly impatient/rude IMO.

TheValueOfEverything · 10/04/2024 13:20

??? = this GIF

Angry Miles Teller GIF by Peacock
babybrum · 10/04/2024 13:19

I've never seen it as rude and now hoping I haven't offended anyone if I've ever done it!

MrsBungle · 10/04/2024 13:19

I hate this. I find it rude in a work context and unprofessional.

DappledThings · 10/04/2024 13:18

MenoBabe · 10/04/2024 13:15

So for example - should we go to the beach or the park???

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It makes you look more like you're stressed out than indecisive

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