DH being treated like unpaid Uber

The 17 yo, YABU
The 24 yo, YANBU

why? Because a 17yo has no chance of a full drivers license and car ownership.

Except she says he gets annoyed, and all this is late at night. I don't want to be an Uber driver for my adult DC, so presumably there are parents who don't want to do this. I am happy for my DC to do an hour's journey or more by public transport.

It depends if your dh wants to see them.i live in a rural area with rubbish public transport. 2 buses would look like this:
1 bus an hour - they stop at about 7 pm. Thus takes you into town - about 20 mins with stops on the way. The bus to the major town takes an hour and 20 mins. If in a car this journey would take max 30 mins.

My 22 year old doesn't drive - her choice as at uni. I quite like seeing her so I pick her up ftom the train. 17 year old doesn't drive as he is concentrating on A levels.

Not driving is a valid choice because its incredibly expensive to run a car. Especially in insurance costs for young people.
He can not give them lifts and he'll probably see a lot less of them. It's nit their fault their parents split up.

He needs to talk to them about being considerate but that's his to do.

I don't see why it bothers the OP so much. It's not at all unusual for 17 year olds to get lifts from their parents. As for the 24 year old refusing to drive, you can't make him and to be honest would he be able to afford the insurance. It's astronomical. I'm sorry to say I think this is a case of bitter resentment rather than a lifestyle being seriously impacted. Besides, if you marry someone with baggage then it will be just that - baggage.

The words "he wouldn't dare" are quite telling too. I suspect the DH is between a rock and a hard place with his second wife and his children.

Maybe your DH likes the time he gets to spend with his DC. I still gladly act like an Uber driver to my girls who are both adults. Had some fab times being in the car, chatting and singing at the top of our voices.

Not sure why it bothers you so much.

Everytime you husband complains say I don’t want to hear it. If you don’t want to tell them no.

do you guys ever have plans in advance and his kids decide dad taxi is in service and he cancels or alters your plans as a couple? That’s the bit where I think you could say something?

My DC take two buses or a bus and the Tube even in London. It's not that hard.

I guess your DH needs to stop whining if his DC refuse to take two buses.

@chocolatesaltyballs22 do you know how much lessons cost now? £40 easily.

I don't think the 24 year old should be expecting anything really although if your partner has done it without question then you can see why they're still asking, Slightly different for the 17 year old.

My DN is 18 and lives in an area with rubbish public transport and she gets driven anywhere she wants to go and pretty much anytime. It isn't something I would be particularly keen on doing but i don't think it's that unusual either.

Two buses? I used to get 2 or 3 buses to work and back every single day at 17.

If there's no additional needs or neurodivergence I would buy them their first month bus pass then let them sort it them selves!

Has your DH offered to pay for driving lessons and cars for them, and they have refused?

Can’t you give money for Uber and deduct from other money you give them

YABU - IME, it is pretty run of the mill. I am a parent to a nearly 17 year old and I actually want him to get a lift from me or DH if he is arriving home late, I don’t want him to walk home from certain parts of the city (which he often does) as statistically this is a very vulnerable age for being a victim of street crime. In my mind this is being a responsible parent.

if you have the added problem of crap public transport what is the youngest in particular supposed to do, 24 years old is very different to 17.

It depends on how pissed off your DH is seeing as he’s the one doing the running around not you.
I presume he’s worried they won’t come, which is a fair point as having parents in separate houses with no public transport is a total pain in the arse for them. Would DH insist they learn to drive and buy them a cheap car maybe?

Seems like this is a typical complaining step mum scenario. It is not your stepDC’s fault that their parents have separated and it is not their fault that their is poor public transport provision between their two homes.

It is not fair to inconvenience your DC for a decision outwith your control. I don’t know of many 17 year olds running their own cars these days given the costs (unless you are willing to fund these?).

It seems to me the consequence of you making your DH stop providing lifts would be less frequent visits from his DC- which I get the impression you wouldn’t be displeased about.

If they can't drive and public transport is tricky then realistically if he says no they won't come.

Which is presumably why he does it.

Yanbu. Being a taxi is expected with teens, but the 24 year old needs to be independent (barring any SN)and 17 is pushing it

He just needs to say no and they just need to get the 2 buses. 2 buses isn't a complete drama. Unless he starts saying no they won't stop.

I used to get two buses home from school every day. It's not impossible, depending on time of day etc

Do you have younger DC as well?

This is a tricky one - 17 is still a kid and it's not his fault dad and mum live apart and that there's no easy public transport. If your dh doesn't get him, that will be seen as not caring about seeing him on contact days.
Really, his mum should make some effort here, but you have no control over that, so it does come down to whether your dh wants to see his son enough to inconvenience himself.

Re the 24 year old, I think this depends on whether he can afford the lessons and to run a car. It's very expensive learning to drive now.

Both boys should discuss with their dad the arrangements in advance because that's polite. But it's down to your dh to have instilled that expectation. In all fairness I do think that running around after kids is part of parenting though, and it doesn't stop when kids are older, if the circumstances mean they can't travel without help.