DH being treated like unpaid Uber

I would suggest birthdays and Christmas buy them both travel passes for trains and buses, theres no excuse then for them to ask, just say no use your pass.
They are both too old now to be asking for lifts everywhere, its time for them to grow up.

I was using 2 buses to get to school from age 11. It's a life skill using public transport effectively. They need to learn it.

It's up to your dh if he spends time doing that. You can either sympathise with him or tell him you don't want to hear it.

Likelihood is it's a means to keeping contact going.

I have zero sympathy for parents who moan about their children’s behaviour while doing absolutely no actual parenting. Your DH has made a rod for his own back. He either needs to sort it now (which will be incredibly hard as he’s let it go on unchallenged for so long) or shut up.

I agree that some teenagers do seem to think that public transport is beneath them, @Menomeno .
Last year, my DD took an Uber to an airport instead of getting the (free with her student ID) bus and it cost us over $100. We weren’t pleased and it hasn’t been repeated!

We had this issue too OP. His adult children had him drive them all over the place at all bloody times and constantly left me with the baby. He had a lot of dad guilt from being a shite dad to them as a kid but he also actually liked driving them round because it meant he didn’t have to parent our child. His children were too scared to use buses and taxis 🙄
Very happily single now as he never did find his backbone.

For the first few months after moving back from university and doing a postgrad yes. They were both still working, which included shifts. I was used to being independent, with a year abroad, so more than able to manage my own travel. Then I moved in with my boyfriend, he worked full time so same situation. The days before Google I worked out bus and train times, got up early and just did it! No big wow, yes it wasn't easy but I was young and made the choice to so it but without having to rely on others. Xx

Maybe there has to be a compromise in that dad will pick them up but they have to inform him of their plans in plenty of notice. For the 17yo at least. The 24yo is taking the piss a bit. I was married with a mortgage at 24.

@Jeannie88 did you live with both of your parents?

Yup! I had to walk a bit, get a bus, train, then another bus and walk, took 2 hours but certainly didn't expect my parents to be a taxi! Xx

2 buses isn't the end of the world?

It sounds normal behaviour of a teenager TBH, pretty sure I was the same at 17.

Ah see I paid the instructor directly for block booking. DD1 might possibly have done exactly that and blown the lot. DS also turned 17 during lock down and whinged it wasn't fair that his sisters had lessons on their 17th birthday and he couldnt #rolleyes

To be honest if i was 17 and I had to use 4 buses to see my dad I probably wouldn't bother.

I'd wonder why I had to make the effort....because that's how a teenage mond works.

We gave DD the money for 20 driving lessons on her 17th birthday. It was during lockdown and she blew it on ASOS. Her dad gave her the same again for her 18th, and she promised she’d book the lessons. She didn’t, and blew the cash again. If she wants to learn to drive now, she’s on her own! And I’m not going to be Uber in the meantime.

Doesn't sound that bad.

The 24yo is asking to be picked up and dropped off when she visits. Well I'd do that for someone I wanted to see if they were visiting if I had a car and they didn't.

The 17yo is still a child and needs lifts at time. Yes, please give more notice or you can't guarantee that, but it's not necessarily unreasonable. Yes if it's a couple of hours away regularly, but if it's dropped at the station more often, then that isn't too bad.

I'd get him to emphasis the need for notice otherwise it isn't always possible, but not get too annoyed about it.

This. I was getting 4 buses every day just to go to school and back from the age of 11. There's public transport, the 'children' should use it.

Lol on here? Where there seem to be a huge amount of high earners with large houses. I'm a single parent living in a 2 bed flat ( at one time with 3 kids) Yet mine all learned to drive.

I don't buy new stuff for house and very little for myself nor do I have expensive haircuts/ treatments etc. id shudder at spending £40 on a top or £100 on a handbag so managed to save money for lessons etc and they all had jobs as teenagers

It's an expectation not an option in our house. Swimming is the other one

This.

The danger in saying no is that the kids will think that if dad cba to save them the long bus trip, they cba to do said bus trips and visit him.

But he should certainly be doing something about not asking in time for lifts other than from mums house to dad's and the assumption he's got nothing else to do

No ifs, no buts other than it is self inflicted

I had a car when most others along the road did not other than dad and a couple of othr homes. Most of my rematives and firneds did not have a car - i was often driving and as soon as i said no, they were offended. Therefore, I just said no to all other than if it was my parents needing something done

Say no early and they will learn from that

If ex wife is insisting on set contact days for a 17 year old, then it wouldn't hurt her to help out with lifts.

That’s not entirely fair. Parents complain about their kids all the time. It doesn’t necessarily mean they want to change anything, they just need an outlet.

This is why I got rid of my car in the pandemic. Admittedly I am in London where there is little point having one. DC now take the bus and Tube, cycle and walk, as do DH and I. We are all fitter and it builds character. DS doesn't like the Tube much and its expensive, so he walks 40 minutes to uni one way.

I don’t think it’s a stepmum issue. We had exactly the same problem with our own kids. DH was happy(ish) to be the taxi, but it drove me mad. I didn’t mind if it was the odd time (maybe once a week) late at night but the kids just expected us to drop everything and inconvenience ourselves just so that they weren’t inconvenienced themselves.

I remember DS asking me for a lift to somewhere he had to go for work that day. It was a 20 minute train ride, but would have taken me 2 hours to drive through the city and back, so I refused. He thought I was BU, even though I offered to drop him at the station (which was only a 10 min walk).

DD still asks for lifts into town during the day, because she can’t be bothered getting the bus (which stops at the end of our road and runs every 10 mins). They're just little divas who think that public transport is below them.