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Original poster

Me and 13 yr old: The constant, awful battle over screen time

202 replies

Bellballbune · 10/04/2024 07:34

NC for this.

I wrote a long, detailed post and then erased it. There seemed no point in such elaborate detail when the headlines are clear:

  • I’m a fairly controlling mum about screen. I think 4/5 hours in the holiday gaming (plus his phone with him most of the day until he must leave it downstairs at 8pm) is fine. Plus, episodes in evening on TV as a family
  • He can’t bear being restricted. Wilful, combative, relentless over wanting more - all the time
  • Dh who agrees with me but is easier going and enjoys watching sports in evening on TV and likes DS watching with him - so doesn’t care that he’s just come off hours of gaming onto more screen.

i know I need to find a better approach rather than a shrill, stern reproachful way of trying to coax DS off. I know I’m not handling it well. I do try to offer different things - board games, cooking etc - but his interest is minimal. His interest in everything is minimal. He just wants to chill! All the time. It drives me fucking insane.

He does do some sport and he will go to the park with his friends for a bit but that’s it.

I’m worried about the level of screen usage and addiction. I’m worried im failing him as a parent. He used to be so engaged in tons of stuff.

And I actually just hate family life at moment as it revolves around all this and DH and I just end up arguing over my approach and how I’m getting it wrong. It is so boring! And I’m scared DS will just hate me soon enough.

i dream of running away….

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
shepherdsangeldelight · 10/04/2024 07:47

I would consider this to be a "pick your battles" scenario.
I also think it's very normal for children this age to lose interest in "hobbies".

Presumably this is only a holiday issue, as during term time he is limited to after school and will also have to fit in things like eating dinner/personal hygiene/seeing friends/doing other activities? I'd encourage other things (someting that does interest him) or physically go out the house with him so that he can't physically spend all day gaming, rather than making screens into a battle.

I'd also consider why you are worrying? I appreciate screen addiction is real, but a lot of modern life is now conducted in front of a screen. Would you consider reading a ebook as bad? Or him reading an article about current affairs? Or using an educational app? And if he online gaming, it's also a social thing.

My DS went through a phase of seemingly gaming in every available second. It is a short lived phase because when they get a bit older they will want to be out with friends more, might want to take up new interests (my DS started the Duke of Edinburgh award), then they will start part time jobs, then there will be university/apprenticeship/work.

Camembertcufflinks · 10/04/2024 07:46

Sorry you are struggling. What about trying lifting restrictions entirely? We have no limits on screen time other than at bedtime and the odd suggestion that they do something else if they have been on there a while... or a nudge to watch something more educational occasionally. The consequence of this approach is we have zero conflict or arguments over it. Screens can be used for good- learning about the world and different subjects, so being too restrictive doesn't make sense to me.