DD angry at mature student for inappropriate email

Your DD sounds like a trouble causer.

I'm sick of flirting being criminalised, most of the time it's totally harmless. Yes maybe it's inappropriate between student and lecturer but they're both mature adults and it's likely to be just a bit of banter.

"Dear University, our lecturer has a hobby! Push them back into their office!".

@SnobblyBobbly but your situation is totally different and as such the experience is NOT similar- you had proof there was favouritism, OP's daughter is pissed off because the lecturer and the mature student dare to have a hobby and she is imagining that the lecture m a y favour the student because they finished the assignment earlier. It's a bit ridiculous. If there is a nest of vipers, I imagine this to be the group of students trying to report another student for sending an email which as far as we know contains nothing shocking.

Have a chat with your DD about growing up, focusing on her own work, and learning how to develop relationships. She clearly needs it.

1. What exactly is she complaining about? A miss sent email? The 'flirty' tone? The fact this student has already completed her course work? And what kind of resolution is she after?

2. the mature student has likely spent time in the work force, it's probably been a while since she left school, she may well have more in common than with her lectures that the other students. She could perhaps relate to them more as co-workers than teachers. This has probably horrified DD and Co who see the lecturers as teachers.

3. this isn't school. The uni likely won't give a fuck about a flirty tone from a mature student to a lecturer. Even if they were to have a relationship they wouldn't be doing anything wrong as long as it was declared.

4. I would imagine the mature student is working harder and taking it more seriously than DD and her classmates. She has given up for more to be there. And I suspect the class mates main issue is jealousy that this women is doing far better than them.

If I recieved an email at work that wasn’t for me I’d be asked to delete straight away. I fact think my company email signature says ‘if you are not the intended recipient…’.

It might be helpful if you could ask to see the email. What you've described is not evidence of wrong doing but maybe there's more to it in the email....otherwise I can't see what's got her so riled.

If she carries this on today, as in the WhatsApp gossiping, I might have a chat with her that bullying doesn't end at school.

The older student is an outsider because of their age, she and her peers are whipping up fuss over a Cc'ing mistake and accusing them of trying to cheat on the course.

I'm not saying go in mob handed on this angle but if she's still going on, she needs to examine her motives. Is she enjoying ganging up against someone? I'm sure this person would be very hurt to know they were the subject of such messaging all night. I'm a mature student and it can be very isolating.

I even wonder if it was a plausible deniable 'mistake' to show off to the rest of the class. It doesn't matter in any case, it's definitely a shrug and move on.

an issue here is GDPR - the original email from the lecturer should only BC students’ names in, or if another type of messaging service has been used there should be no reply to all function. A cock up.

This place is such a vipers nest at times - many of these replies are so needlessly bitchy.

My DD is college age, so younger, but we've had similar experiences not with mistaken emails, but with the teacher seemingly favouring a student which was actually having a negative impact on the whole class and their work. She toyed with the idea of complaining about it.

We just had a chat about what the complaint would be, what could be achieved and the possible negative repercussions for her/the people involved as well...basically, is it worth it?

They're learning about so much more about handling conflict and unfamiliar situations in their college & uni days so it's good that she lets off steam and confides in you, but sometimes their sense of injustice can be a little too strong. I'll sometimes suggest that my daughter should complain to to start off that thought process then leave it to her/spare myself listening to a 15 minute rant 😄

Although it would be easier if our kids came out of the womb being totally independent & certain about everything that life throws into their path like 85% of the respondents on this thread. But I'm not sure that's what life is about....

She will make herself VERY unpopular if she reports it and people find out!!

Surely this is where you just tell her to stop being ridiculous?

She's not in school anymore! It's insulting she's assuming bias in marking because people are friendly.
I'm curious what the "flirting" was.

DD perhaps needs to calm down. I'm a final year mature uni student (though not this one as I never finish my work early enough to brag! 😅) and all of our work is second marked, and all marks are provisional until the exam board meeting later in the year. Our work is also all submitted anonymously to avoid any unintentional bias. Favouritism is very hard in academia.

One day she might “reply all” in error and suffer the humiliation of that, it’s not uncommon. Imagine then having someone raise a complaint about it when the only hurty feels they got were receiving a mail not for them.

I agree with the others your daughter sounds immature but also one of the great offended.

This was my thought. She must be living at home and maybe she hasn't grown into being at university and is in the school zone. That the only explanation I can think of.

Reporting an email because a mature student has already completed their work and has a shared hobby with the lecturer and is perceived to have being flirting is absolutely ridiculous. It really is. I agree with posters saying if it was the other way she might have a point.

My own university aged DD's reaction would have been something along the lines of I can't believe that happened.

I think she might be jealous that the mature student finished the assignment which her or her uni mates should be working on instead of gossiping in the WhatsApp group.

Does she fancy this lecturer, perhaps, and is a tad jealous ?

That's how it will come across, regardless.

It sounds awfully petty. Most people will have better things to think about 😂

That's crazy.
Probably hard enough being a mature student and then you have to cope with your peers acting crazy about some email you sent.
Imagine if she reports it, people reading the complaint will be like 😵‍💫🤨

Dear god, that is rather pathetic behaviour.
Is she away at uni or local? Is she coping with life in geberal?

This is a learning curve for your DD.

It’s nothing to do with her. Mature student made a mistake in sending to ‘all’…so what. Mature student perhaps is ‘flirty’ in the email…so what. Your DD has another agenda she isn’t admitting to. She’s either struggling with her work and is jealous the mature student seems to have completed it with ease or she fancies the lecturer.

Would love to know what makes her think it’s flirty 🤣

Sometimes when you are young(or when i was growing up), your emotions are not always well balanced.

Is your DD jealous ? Whatever the reason for her thinking/rational, she should use the situation as a learning curve.

Also have empathy.

Your DD sounds very immature.

This type of attitude is more typical of young teens.