Is 2.5hrs+ of travel excessive expectation?

Why doesn’t the WFH parent locate themselves in a room as far from the living space as possible and wear noise cancelling headphones? The school holidays don’t last forever so some compromise is needed. You are fortunate to have grandparents who are willing and healthy to look after the children. It is a lovely thing.

We are the grandparents in this situation. Our journey is slightly longer, about 50 minutes. We do this every week. There is absolutely no way we would consider taking the grandchildren back to our own home and doing all that travelling. It is also a huge responsibility to drive grandchildren on motorways, fast roads etc. Occasionally our child drives to us with the children and WFH at our house while we look after the grandchildren.

The primary purpose of the home is to be a home, not a workplace

Find somewhere else to work if the free childcare the grandparents are being coerced into providing is disruptive

Wfh with kids and GP there I should imagine is impractical so it’s not unreasonable
but the suggestion of them picking them up is

my sisters lives just under an hour from niece does a handover 1/2 way if GP we’re willing to do that would that be an option

Does WFH parent have options. Could he choose to go into the office? If not, he needs to find some office space or an alternative for school holidays.

WFH parent needs to go and work at GPs....?

Or GDC stay with GPs for a few days if that suits everyone. My parents would have been devastated to have been devastated to lose the opportunity to have DC in the holidays.

At the very least, WFH parent needs to do the running about

My parents live an hour away. In school holidays they come and meet us half way (so an hour journey there and back for everyone) and keep the kids for two or three days, otherwise the travel builds up too much for the odd day here and there. Could you do something like this?

Your partner sounds like arse. He doesn't want anyone in the house when wfh, he doesn't want you driving far, and he doesn't want your parents to not do childcare. Basically he isn't willing to compromise at all on what he wants, which is your parents to drive 2.5 hours on top of caring for two young kids, which might not even be that safe depending on how old they are and their health.

In general if someone is doing a favour ita really rude to dictate how it's done. He needs to stop dictating, stop being a grumpy twat, and find some level of compromise (go into the office on those days) and stop fucking moaning about every single solution you offer

If my GPs provide no childcare at all WFH parent will be annoyed/make sarky comments that they CBA to help vs GPs on their side of the family. I feel like I can't win.

and i would be calmly and repeatedly saying "this is your request" and adding in my head "you absolute fucker"

WFH parent should give head a wobble. Assuming WFH parent is the in-law of the GPs?
So would rather pay for clubs than enable a relationship with the GPs? twatty at best

LIZS has nailed it - he either does the drop off/pick up or he finds somewhere else to work. Funny how your DH is the only one who has a problem with this arrangement yet his solutions only inconvenience other people, with no impact on him at all.
He sounds self-centred and insufferable - yet another man with main character syndrome who thinks the world revolves around him, and his comfort and convenience are the only things that matter. Time for a reality check.

My inlaws live an hour away and often take children for an overnight or two in the school holidays. We sometimes go over Sunday afternoon and leave them (though that's an extra night away), or GPs will collect then either do something local or go straight home, and I try to either collect half way or collect from them. Would an overnight work?

WFH needs to go to a coffee shop or a pub for some peace.

How old are the poor GP’s?! They are the ones who are kind enough to offer free childcare so I would expect the wfh parent to appreciate this and work out a solution that suits the GP’s best.

As a GP I would always prefer daily child care in my own home. I know my area and places I can take them out to. Not comfortable driving in other areas. I have toys and equipment at home and can also get on with things I need to do. I prefer doing food in my own home and I don't mind any expenses incurred in any way ...treats out/food/nappies ext. I have extra clothes and never send dirty clothes home with them. I often do tea/bath/reading and they can go home in their jammies if that suits parents. I always ask. Not a bad free deal for parents and I like to help. However I would not do the journey both ways. We would pick up but expect parents to come collect. As you get older you do get more tired and I am exhausted by the end of the day, not a great driver and would be anxious about having the kids in the car. That's the deal in my case. That's the compromise. I do think WFH parent has to consider the needs of those giving help and support. If that parent thought that paying for a nursery would be better I would be sad at all the kids would miss out on and the extra expense for the parents but I can't (and won't) do more than I feel comfortable, safe and happy with.

I do think it's hard to WFH with anyone in the home, even with a designated office space, I get less done. That's why the kids are either in holiday care or staying over with grandparents. Like someone else said, dropping kids off for a sleepover has worked well for us. My parents like being in their home than in ours.

WFH parent is being a demanding arse but it's not easy just finding somewhere else to work if you are 100% remote.

This is fair enough. I couldn't work with 2 kids and 2 (clearly in laws) grandparents in the house.

If my GPs provide no childcare at all WFH parent will be annoyed/make sarky comments that they CBA to help vs GPs on their side of the family. I feel like I can't win.

WFH parent is a monumental arsehole.
I bet you can’t wait for him to have grandchildren and, without moaning, do all the things he is expecting of your DP.

It was clear it's your DH being a dick from your first post. Doesn't he like your parents?

Really it just doesn’t sound convenient anymore. It’s hard wfh with kids. Even if they have appropriate childcare as dc have a way of inserting themselves into your working day. It’s a lot of driving for the GPs/ kids. Probably holiday clubs are the way forward or finding something to do that’s local to the parents. I used to spend all day regularly with my dc at an adventure playground type place. It had a cafe/ soft play for wetter days. Really good value with a family pass.

Or they should book workspace outside the home.

If wfh wants that to happen they should do drop off/pick up

If this happens then this is the fault of the PIL. DH and I have been working at home with young children at home (being cared for my other people) for years and never had this issue. We work in our bedroom upstairs. Since DC1 was 3 they fully understand themselves that they weren't to bother the WFH parent and it's the other parent or DGP who is their carer that day. And obviously always well supervised to ensure that wouldn't happen.

Of course it's absolutely fine for children to go out to holiday club or wherever and our eldest is now 5 and does do odd days there too. But I'm just saying there's no reason that children should be able to interrupt a parent working at home.

So your partner wants to work from the family home but with no one else in it?

Your parents are very kind to offer to come to look after your children at your house (it’s a long drive both ways) and it would ease the pressure on you (which is presumably why they offered). Instead it’s your partner has turned it into a logistical nightmare. Your partner is being VERY unreasonable here, and on a number of points. You need a serious discussion.

WFH parent is also generally unhappy during the school holidays when they are working and the children and I are at home. Basically any people in the house, whether that is GPs and children or me and the children causes disruption. It's like walking on egg-shells (that's not the point of the thread I know).

TBH this is the main point here completely. Absolutely unreasonable for WFH parent to have this attitude.

Wfh parent needs to hire a workspace or desk on some days to ease the driving